This one's a compilation of snippets of conversation from the North Star Gender Identity email list over the course of the last week or so.
"How does one refer to a gender-neutral person without depersonalizing them? In English "it" implies a non-sentient object, while other languages similarly derived from Latin use gendered pronouns for inanimate objects as well."
The association of "it" with non-human objects is an English (or perhaps even Romance-languages) thing. It's not universal.
I
had a conversation with another staff member at the homeless shelter
that I volunteer at about trans issues, and she had what I found to be a
really valuable insight into this: at the time of the conversation, she
was pregnant and living with the baby's father and another friend who
are both from a culture (I didn't ask which... pacific islander?) where
babies are routinely referred to by gender-neutral pronouns. Because of
their background in another language for which such would be the norm,
both of the men regularly referred to her unborn baby as 'it' without
intending any disrespect to the infant's humanity.
There are gender-neutral pronoun sets out there, but unfortunately there's so many that none has been able to establish itself as the standard. I personally find the zie-series easiest to wrap my head around, but consider the others to be equally valid. That being said, I don't get bent out of shape over being referred to by either of the standard gendered sets... so long as I don't get the impression that it's being done in order to reinforce a "you're a woman, quit playing at being something else" message.
"If you were 'fixed' in the resurrection, what would you prefer to be: male, female, or neuter or eunuch-like?"
I haven't sought inspiration about what sex my resurrected self will
be, but I suspect it would be neuter; that being said, I'm open to
alternatives that God may have in mind since He is much more qualified
to predict which of the available options I would be happy with than I
am.
Stealing Arcee's wonderful wording on how a non-binary person would like to be addressed:
I don't want people to define me by my gender at all, but get to know
me for who I am, not what my body configuration leads you to conclude.
Don't call me Brother, don't call me Sister... please, just call me a
friend.
LDS, gender-neutral, and out.
Sunday, November 25, 2012
Tuesday, November 20, 2012
The Nature of Revelation
I'm still in that preparation stage, bracing myself for whatever hostility may surface when I finally start attending priesthood. [Yes, I'm confident that it will happen. Why? Because I know that's where I belong, and I know that God concurs... or is it that He said so and I'm concurring? Either way, I've got a higher power backing me than any opponent can produce so the end result is pretty inevitable.]
The obvious objection would be to insist that barring women from attending priesthood is "the way it always has been, and the way it always will be." Yeah, sure. I love how that argument gets tossed out so often in a church that prides itself on the principle of continuing revelation. I'm not saying that the entire Gospel is going to turn itself inside out, but the progression of further enlightenment and understanding is (at least among those who actually live their religion) well established and even expected.
I've been thinking and planning... I've already printed out the handout cards with a brief summary and link to the blog, and have counterarguments to the most anticipated protests planned out. Tonight in my Ensign reading, I came across a talk by Barbara Thompson during the October 2011 General Conference that puts it much better than I possibly could have:
"Have ye inquired of the Lord?" [1 Nephi 15:7]
"If ye will not harden your hearts, and ask me in faith, believing that ye shall receive, with diligence in keeping my commandments, surely these things shall be made known unto you." [1 Nephi 15:11]
"The way to receive personal revelation is really quite clear. We need to desire to receive revelation, we must not harden our hearts, and then we need to ask in faith, truly believe that we will receive an answer, and then diligently keep the commandments of God."
I've done exactly that; have you? If not, you have no stand from which to criticize me for claiming false revelation. Try it. Entertain the possibility that a smidgen of what I've said and written is true, and sit down to ponder and pray about it. I think you'll be surprised at the outcome. I don't expect you to suddenly agree with me on everything (and I'm even willing to believe that you might get some direction on how to straighten me out), but I know that He can and does provide direction and enlightenment to those who honestly seek it. What do you have to lose?
The obvious objection would be to insist that barring women from attending priesthood is "the way it always has been, and the way it always will be." Yeah, sure. I love how that argument gets tossed out so often in a church that prides itself on the principle of continuing revelation. I'm not saying that the entire Gospel is going to turn itself inside out, but the progression of further enlightenment and understanding is (at least among those who actually live their religion) well established and even expected.
I've been thinking and planning... I've already printed out the handout cards with a brief summary and link to the blog, and have counterarguments to the most anticipated protests planned out. Tonight in my Ensign reading, I came across a talk by Barbara Thompson during the October 2011 General Conference that puts it much better than I possibly could have:
"Have ye inquired of the Lord?" [1 Nephi 15:7]
"If ye will not harden your hearts, and ask me in faith, believing that ye shall receive, with diligence in keeping my commandments, surely these things shall be made known unto you." [1 Nephi 15:11]
"The way to receive personal revelation is really quite clear. We need to desire to receive revelation, we must not harden our hearts, and then we need to ask in faith, truly believe that we will receive an answer, and then diligently keep the commandments of God."
I've done exactly that; have you? If not, you have no stand from which to criticize me for claiming false revelation. Try it. Entertain the possibility that a smidgen of what I've said and written is true, and sit down to ponder and pray about it. I think you'll be surprised at the outcome. I don't expect you to suddenly agree with me on everything (and I'm even willing to believe that you might get some direction on how to straighten me out), but I know that He can and does provide direction and enlightenment to those who honestly seek it. What do you have to lose?
Saturday, November 17, 2012
Introduction
In preparation for outing myself at church this is one more fill-in-the-gaps blog, this one mostly a combination of FAQ and vocabulary/conceptual introduction. Feel free to read my blog in whatever order you wish, although the recommended sequence for a newcomer would be this one first then jump back to "Coming Out (in a way)" and read in sequence of posting from there.
Staring with vocabulary:
"Sex" is the physical anatomy that somebody has. Unless they happen to have changed clothes in front of you at some point, you really have no idea what sex the people around you are; you're just making an educated guess. Even if you have seen another person completely naked, you've still only seen half of their sexual anatomy because there are a number of internal organs that display sexual dimorphism (male/female differences).
"Primary" sexual characteristics are the ones that are determined through genetics by the fewest developmental links, such as whether one has testes or ovaries and whether one has a penis or a vagina.
"Secondary" sexual characteristics are the ones that are developed in response to active hormone levels during puberty, such as breasts, facial hair, and voice pitch. Note that the degree to which secondary sexual characteristics are present varies widely in both men and women, so interpretation of observed secondary sexual characteristics is highly subjective.
An "intersex" person is someone in whom the organs that have sexual dimorphism don't all follow the same male/female pattern. How common this is depends on which organs one considers as valid for comparison and what range of variation is defined as "normal", but I'll cite 1 in 100 as the number of modern humans who have some type of intersex condition. Intersex conditions that involve ambiguous genitalia are generally diagnosed at birth. Intersex conditions that involve a conflict between primary and secondary characteristics are generally diagnosed when the secondary characteristics appear during puberty. Intersex conditions that involve a conflict between external and internal organs generally go undiagnosed until some type of dysfunction (such as infertility) is noticed. Until the invention of modern medical imaging technology, intersex conditions of this type were rarely discovered except during autopsy. Even with modern imaging technology, there is no standard screening process and the multitude of possible intersex conditions makes it impossible to confidently rule out all intersex conditions in a given individual... one can only test for and confirm the presence or absence of specific conditions.
"Presentation" is which of the social standards related to the theoretical male/female binary a person follows, such as clothing, hair style, and jewelry.
"Gendering" is the practice of assigning a male/female identity to somebody that you have just met. Because primary sexual characteristics are rarely exposed, this is generally based on a combination of presentation and secondary sexual characteristics. We live in a culture that puts a lot of emphasis on correctly gendering others, so tend to obsessively observe a stranger's presentation and secondary sexual characteristics until we are confident in our assessment.
A person's "gender" is whether they consider themselves to be male or female. An intersex persons might see themselves as male, female, or non-binary (both, neither, etc) and their gender does not necessarily agree with the visible external sexual characteristics. Scientific study of both cadavers and fMRI imaging of live persons has found a very strong correlation between gender and sexual dimorphism of the brain, even when all other sexual characteristics indicate a sex that is different from that person's gender. This specific type of intersex condition is commonly referred to as "transgender" or "transsexual" (there is a difference in definition between these two terms, but for now I'll treat them as interchangeable and use 'trans' as the shortened version of both).
Ok, that should give you a reasonably solid vocabulary related to intersex/trans issues. FAQ time!
"Blasphemy! God doesn't make mistakes!"
I never said that he did. Birth defects of more types than I want to take the time to list are an undeniable reality of this mortal existence. Some of them we can point to an environmental cause for, some of them the individual receives personal revelation related to the reason for the condition, but most will remain a mystery for the duration of this life. Acknowledging intersex and trans conditions is no more of a challenge to God's divinity than acknowledgement of any other birth defect.
"Are you gay or straight?"
None of your business, and completely irrelevant... but I'll answer the question anyways. I am attracted to men, not women.
"That's not a legitimate condition! It's a sexual perversion!"
Pull your head out of your ass and look at the facts. Most of the logic that connect trans issues to sexual perversion derive from Sigmund Freud's theories on human sexuality, which have about as much relevance to modern understanding of psychology as the Levitical law does to modern Christianity. Modern science has done an amazing job of demonstrating that the trans experience has a legitimate biological base, and the claim that "God only made man and woman, not anything else in between" is conveniently overlooking the very real occurrence of visibly intersex conditions. I make no claims as to which persons have male spirits and which have female spirits because that's a personal matter for each individual, nor do I suggest that the percentage of people whose spirits don't match external appearance is large, but the commonly held belief that one can always correctly gender another's spirit based off of secondary sexual characteristics is completely absurd.
"But you LOOK perfectly female! Wouldn't there be some visual evidence of testosterone if you were really intersex?"
I've been taking synthetic estrogen (in the form of birth control pills) for almost a decade now, in order to prevent my body from producing its own estrogen (which I have some impressively negative physiological reactions to). That's enough externally applied estrogen to make a normal man grow breasts, and it's certainly made some changes to my body too. I'm sorry that I don't have the ability to show you what I would look like without the effect of synthetic hormones, but please factor that unintended deception into your assessment of my appearance.
"How can we know you're not just making up this intersex claim for personal benefit? Where's the evidence?"
What do I stand to gain from a false claim? Is Priesthood a secret society that I would find out the dirty secrets of by infiltrating the ranks of men? Would pretending to be a man get me a higher social status than simply being an honest woman? Check your own assumptions as to what might be gained by a false claim.
I am advertising myself as a freak of nature, of a type that will probably lead to further ostracism. Why would I do such a thing, unless the pain of living behind a false mask is even worse?
As to evidence... I am the expert on myself. I know my own thought patterns and instincts, and have a lifetime of contrasts between my own inner being and those of the men and women around me. Just like you don't need to take a standardized test in order to know your own skills and challenges, I don't need a medical test to tell me that I'm something other than what my external appearance suggests. External tests are for those who don't have the time to get to know the individual, or who don't believe the individual's self-descriptions.
Now go read the rest of my blog before you ask more questions, because a lot of the answers are already there.
Staring with vocabulary:
"Sex" is the physical anatomy that somebody has. Unless they happen to have changed clothes in front of you at some point, you really have no idea what sex the people around you are; you're just making an educated guess. Even if you have seen another person completely naked, you've still only seen half of their sexual anatomy because there are a number of internal organs that display sexual dimorphism (male/female differences).
"Primary" sexual characteristics are the ones that are determined through genetics by the fewest developmental links, such as whether one has testes or ovaries and whether one has a penis or a vagina.
"Secondary" sexual characteristics are the ones that are developed in response to active hormone levels during puberty, such as breasts, facial hair, and voice pitch. Note that the degree to which secondary sexual characteristics are present varies widely in both men and women, so interpretation of observed secondary sexual characteristics is highly subjective.
An "intersex" person is someone in whom the organs that have sexual dimorphism don't all follow the same male/female pattern. How common this is depends on which organs one considers as valid for comparison and what range of variation is defined as "normal", but I'll cite 1 in 100 as the number of modern humans who have some type of intersex condition. Intersex conditions that involve ambiguous genitalia are generally diagnosed at birth. Intersex conditions that involve a conflict between primary and secondary characteristics are generally diagnosed when the secondary characteristics appear during puberty. Intersex conditions that involve a conflict between external and internal organs generally go undiagnosed until some type of dysfunction (such as infertility) is noticed. Until the invention of modern medical imaging technology, intersex conditions of this type were rarely discovered except during autopsy. Even with modern imaging technology, there is no standard screening process and the multitude of possible intersex conditions makes it impossible to confidently rule out all intersex conditions in a given individual... one can only test for and confirm the presence or absence of specific conditions.
"Presentation" is which of the social standards related to the theoretical male/female binary a person follows, such as clothing, hair style, and jewelry.
"Gendering" is the practice of assigning a male/female identity to somebody that you have just met. Because primary sexual characteristics are rarely exposed, this is generally based on a combination of presentation and secondary sexual characteristics. We live in a culture that puts a lot of emphasis on correctly gendering others, so tend to obsessively observe a stranger's presentation and secondary sexual characteristics until we are confident in our assessment.
A person's "gender" is whether they consider themselves to be male or female. An intersex persons might see themselves as male, female, or non-binary (both, neither, etc) and their gender does not necessarily agree with the visible external sexual characteristics. Scientific study of both cadavers and fMRI imaging of live persons has found a very strong correlation between gender and sexual dimorphism of the brain, even when all other sexual characteristics indicate a sex that is different from that person's gender. This specific type of intersex condition is commonly referred to as "transgender" or "transsexual" (there is a difference in definition between these two terms, but for now I'll treat them as interchangeable and use 'trans' as the shortened version of both).
Ok, that should give you a reasonably solid vocabulary related to intersex/trans issues. FAQ time!
"Blasphemy! God doesn't make mistakes!"
I never said that he did. Birth defects of more types than I want to take the time to list are an undeniable reality of this mortal existence. Some of them we can point to an environmental cause for, some of them the individual receives personal revelation related to the reason for the condition, but most will remain a mystery for the duration of this life. Acknowledging intersex and trans conditions is no more of a challenge to God's divinity than acknowledgement of any other birth defect.
"Are you gay or straight?"
None of your business, and completely irrelevant... but I'll answer the question anyways. I am attracted to men, not women.
"That's not a legitimate condition! It's a sexual perversion!"
Pull your head out of your ass and look at the facts. Most of the logic that connect trans issues to sexual perversion derive from Sigmund Freud's theories on human sexuality, which have about as much relevance to modern understanding of psychology as the Levitical law does to modern Christianity. Modern science has done an amazing job of demonstrating that the trans experience has a legitimate biological base, and the claim that "God only made man and woman, not anything else in between" is conveniently overlooking the very real occurrence of visibly intersex conditions. I make no claims as to which persons have male spirits and which have female spirits because that's a personal matter for each individual, nor do I suggest that the percentage of people whose spirits don't match external appearance is large, but the commonly held belief that one can always correctly gender another's spirit based off of secondary sexual characteristics is completely absurd.
"But you LOOK perfectly female! Wouldn't there be some visual evidence of testosterone if you were really intersex?"
I've been taking synthetic estrogen (in the form of birth control pills) for almost a decade now, in order to prevent my body from producing its own estrogen (which I have some impressively negative physiological reactions to). That's enough externally applied estrogen to make a normal man grow breasts, and it's certainly made some changes to my body too. I'm sorry that I don't have the ability to show you what I would look like without the effect of synthetic hormones, but please factor that unintended deception into your assessment of my appearance.
"How can we know you're not just making up this intersex claim for personal benefit? Where's the evidence?"
What do I stand to gain from a false claim? Is Priesthood a secret society that I would find out the dirty secrets of by infiltrating the ranks of men? Would pretending to be a man get me a higher social status than simply being an honest woman? Check your own assumptions as to what might be gained by a false claim.
I am advertising myself as a freak of nature, of a type that will probably lead to further ostracism. Why would I do such a thing, unless the pain of living behind a false mask is even worse?
As to evidence... I am the expert on myself. I know my own thought patterns and instincts, and have a lifetime of contrasts between my own inner being and those of the men and women around me. Just like you don't need to take a standardized test in order to know your own skills and challenges, I don't need a medical test to tell me that I'm something other than what my external appearance suggests. External tests are for those who don't have the time to get to know the individual, or who don't believe the individual's self-descriptions.
Now go read the rest of my blog before you ask more questions, because a lot of the answers are already there.
Sunday, November 4, 2012
Enlightening Experience
The first part of this one was written last week in an email I sent to the NorthStar trans list; remainder is the results of further reminiscing since then.
I'm in the habit of reading (usually sci-fi or fantasy) as part of my evening wind-down routine. Last night I was up later than I wanted to be waiting for a load of laundry to finish and happened to end with a chapter where one of the characters gets raped by her fiance and suddenly comes to a realization of the power/control that a woman loses to her husband with marriage... which happens to be exactly the issue (the power/control part, not the rape) that I'm currently experiencing a lot of insecurity about in my own life. So I'm lying there in bed on the verge of a meltdown wondering what I can do to restore my sense of security enough that I can get the sleep that I desperately need, and the thought suddenly occurs to me that my fighter's spirit having been put into a body that attracts victimization is part of God's plan; instant complete transition from feeling distressed to peacefully pondering spiritual matters.
I hadn't felt the need to pray about the reason/outcome of my own spiritual mismatch, although the explanation of THAT being the answer to something that I thought was completely unrelated was a bit of a surprise. To me that is one more piece of evidence that there is a loving God, as well as the possibility that there really is something good at the end of all of this struggling. Since that experience, I've been sleeping MUCH better (had been very sleep deprived for about two weeks thanks to my relationship insecurities) as well as thinking more about the future and what positive action I can take to make the good things happen like they're supposed to.
What sort of task might He need a fighter in a woman's body for? I don't know, although I've got some guesses. By both understanding the victim experience and having the will to fight it, I'm better able to care for a woman who has been victimized or to protect a girl from becoming a victim. There are some potentially violent situations where it's safer to send in a woman than a man because a man is seen as more of a threat and therefor more likely to upset the delicate balance that is on the verge of eruption. In both wit and physical contests, a man who underestimates the abilities of a female opponent is vulnerable to being caught off guard, giving somewhat of an advantage to a woman as opposed to an equally talented man. All of these possibilities are hypothetical of course, but something tells me there IS a reason even if I don't know exactly what it is yet.
Maybe I've been reading too much swashbuckling fantasy... the image that keeps coming to mind is myself and my future husband standing back to back, both armed with swords and fighting off a massive number of enemies together while still being able to move towards our goal/target/destination. A single fighter can put his back up against a solid object and have a chance of fending off attackers from the front and sides only, but is limited in mobility by the need to stay next to that fixed object in order to not be vulnerable to attacks from behind; two fighters guarding each others backs, if practiced in working together, can enjoy a freedom of movement that a lone fighter can never experience.
Now I don't know much about sword-fighting and I've probably got some major details about how it works wrong... but I'm reasonably confident that the future He has in mind for me is something similar to that (or at least whatever the digital-era equivalent is). I'm not supposed to be sitting in the grandstands waving a handkerchief and cheering/crying while the boys beat each other senseless; I'm supposed to be out there in the middle of the melee, fighting to protect myself, my husband, and our family. Right now, I'm SUPPOSED to be learning how to fight and work like a man so that I can be part of that well-practiced team when the time comes.
What does that mean in the practical sense? I've been feeling that as part of the outing myself to the bishop, I should make another (was done once before several years ago) request to be allowed to attend Priesthood meetings and activities instead of Relief Society ones. The experiences and thoughts outlined above reinforce that impression. I'm not asking to be given the power of the priesthood... just to receive the same training that the men do; I understand that non-white men had a similar role prior to 1978, so it's not like that's never been done before. Interestingly, I have a similar confidence that I should continue to participate in visiting teaching; somehow that seems to be more about how the world treats us which is an experience that I share with cis-women, as opposed to how we interact with the world where my experience is more like a man's.
I know this is going to be a hard concept to knock through those folks that are so attached to the gender binary. I spoke to my stake president today about stake conference arrangements (trying to get Kriss' situation partially sorted out for him, whether he wants it or not ;-P) and the subject of my own situation happened to come up, resulting in the same lecture about keeping the commandments and not giving in to temptation (citing homosexuality as an example) that I got from my bishop when I initially outed myself. Which commandments are they thinking I'm being tempted to break?!? I'm anticipating some more runaround before whatever the logical error is gets exposed and corrected, which is a necessary prerequisite to having the serious what-are-we-going-to-do-with-Sam-at-church conversation that I'd like to have. We'll see how it goes.
I'm in the habit of reading (usually sci-fi or fantasy) as part of my evening wind-down routine. Last night I was up later than I wanted to be waiting for a load of laundry to finish and happened to end with a chapter where one of the characters gets raped by her fiance and suddenly comes to a realization of the power/control that a woman loses to her husband with marriage... which happens to be exactly the issue (the power/control part, not the rape) that I'm currently experiencing a lot of insecurity about in my own life. So I'm lying there in bed on the verge of a meltdown wondering what I can do to restore my sense of security enough that I can get the sleep that I desperately need, and the thought suddenly occurs to me that my fighter's spirit having been put into a body that attracts victimization is part of God's plan; instant complete transition from feeling distressed to peacefully pondering spiritual matters.
I hadn't felt the need to pray about the reason/outcome of my own spiritual mismatch, although the explanation of THAT being the answer to something that I thought was completely unrelated was a bit of a surprise. To me that is one more piece of evidence that there is a loving God, as well as the possibility that there really is something good at the end of all of this struggling. Since that experience, I've been sleeping MUCH better (had been very sleep deprived for about two weeks thanks to my relationship insecurities) as well as thinking more about the future and what positive action I can take to make the good things happen like they're supposed to.
What sort of task might He need a fighter in a woman's body for? I don't know, although I've got some guesses. By both understanding the victim experience and having the will to fight it, I'm better able to care for a woman who has been victimized or to protect a girl from becoming a victim. There are some potentially violent situations where it's safer to send in a woman than a man because a man is seen as more of a threat and therefor more likely to upset the delicate balance that is on the verge of eruption. In both wit and physical contests, a man who underestimates the abilities of a female opponent is vulnerable to being caught off guard, giving somewhat of an advantage to a woman as opposed to an equally talented man. All of these possibilities are hypothetical of course, but something tells me there IS a reason even if I don't know exactly what it is yet.
Maybe I've been reading too much swashbuckling fantasy... the image that keeps coming to mind is myself and my future husband standing back to back, both armed with swords and fighting off a massive number of enemies together while still being able to move towards our goal/target/destination. A single fighter can put his back up against a solid object and have a chance of fending off attackers from the front and sides only, but is limited in mobility by the need to stay next to that fixed object in order to not be vulnerable to attacks from behind; two fighters guarding each others backs, if practiced in working together, can enjoy a freedom of movement that a lone fighter can never experience.
Now I don't know much about sword-fighting and I've probably got some major details about how it works wrong... but I'm reasonably confident that the future He has in mind for me is something similar to that (or at least whatever the digital-era equivalent is). I'm not supposed to be sitting in the grandstands waving a handkerchief and cheering/crying while the boys beat each other senseless; I'm supposed to be out there in the middle of the melee, fighting to protect myself, my husband, and our family. Right now, I'm SUPPOSED to be learning how to fight and work like a man so that I can be part of that well-practiced team when the time comes.
What does that mean in the practical sense? I've been feeling that as part of the outing myself to the bishop, I should make another (was done once before several years ago) request to be allowed to attend Priesthood meetings and activities instead of Relief Society ones. The experiences and thoughts outlined above reinforce that impression. I'm not asking to be given the power of the priesthood... just to receive the same training that the men do; I understand that non-white men had a similar role prior to 1978, so it's not like that's never been done before. Interestingly, I have a similar confidence that I should continue to participate in visiting teaching; somehow that seems to be more about how the world treats us which is an experience that I share with cis-women, as opposed to how we interact with the world where my experience is more like a man's.
I know this is going to be a hard concept to knock through those folks that are so attached to the gender binary. I spoke to my stake president today about stake conference arrangements (trying to get Kriss' situation partially sorted out for him, whether he wants it or not ;-P) and the subject of my own situation happened to come up, resulting in the same lecture about keeping the commandments and not giving in to temptation (citing homosexuality as an example) that I got from my bishop when I initially outed myself. Which commandments are they thinking I'm being tempted to break?!? I'm anticipating some more runaround before whatever the logical error is gets exposed and corrected, which is a necessary prerequisite to having the serious what-are-we-going-to-do-with-Sam-at-church conversation that I'd like to have. We'll see how it goes.
Looking Back
Written in July of this year while I was putting together information for a presentation to the staff at Station 7.
I'm sharing my previous
two trans-related blogs with the Station 7 staff (in an educational
packet that could very well end up getting distributed much farther),
and in re-reading the other blogs noted that there's some important
background and context missing. So I'm writing another one to fill in
the gaps.
In the redneck rural
area that I grew up, being a tomboy was the norm. In addition to
that, being five years older than my only sibling (a sister)
justified a lot of male-typical activities with my dad (assistant
mechanic, poisoning gophers, chopping wood, etc). Somewhere around
second grade I decided that I hated dresses, and that was the end of
that... I stopped wearing them and nobody complained. I think I was
in middle school before I started to realize that the 'real world'
had gender-specific expectations, although at that point I was so
overwhelmed with trying to survive in a culture that had suddenly
lost practically all adult supervision of interactions between the
children (allowing a never-ending stream of hostility) that I didn't
really care about details like that for the next decade or so.
Puberty was hell. I'm
told that it is for everybody, but I'm pretty sure that my experience
of it was well outside the normal range of misery. The wider hips
were disorienting and I kept bruising myself on corners of walls and
tables because my spacial perception of myself wasn't adjusting. I
didn't want breasts, and held out as long as I could before finally
conceding to wearing a bra; and even then, I wouldn't wear anything
other than sports bras because I didn't like the bouncy feeling of
not being solidly contained.
Menstruation started,
and I hated that even more. Having to wear a 'diaper' was
humiliating, and the unpredictable bleeding didn't allow me to enjoy
my favorite water-related activities anymore. I didn't try tampons
until after I became sexually active, and even then they were
uncomfortable in the “this feels like [name of boyfriend who had a
habit of sleep depriving me to the point that I'd have sex when I
didn't want to just so I could get some sleep]” sense. And there
was the cramping and puking; every menstruation period came with
several hours of disabling cramps and my digestive system would flush
itself out in both directions. (I found out much later that part of
this is likely caused by endometriosis... which my mother knew
nothing about because I apparently got it from my dad's side of the
family)
I made no secret of how
much I hated the changes that were happening to my body, going so far
as to tell my parents and counselor that I wanted to 'rip out my
uterus'. They took that surprisingly well. My mother asked if I would
rather have a penis (looking back, I realize that was probably her
way of asking if I wanted to transition... although at the time I
wasn't aware that such a thing was possible). I sat down and
seriously thought about it. The decision (which still holds) was that
I'd rather stick with a set of social rules that I despise but at
least halfway understand than switch to another set that I would have
to start over on learning and might very well equally dislike. I
wanted (and still wish I could have) a body with no sexual anatomy
whatsoever. When I joke that I'm going to get myself a hysterectomy
and double mastectomy for a retirement present, I'm a lot more
serious than most people want to believe.
PMS for me is a
week-long cycle of severe anxiety, restlessness, and depression;
there are few things in life that I've encountered that are more
discouraging than knowing “four days from now I'm going to spend an
evening feeling suicidal... and there's not a damn thing I can do
about it.” Although I didn't realize that was the cause for several
years... I was in college before I made the connection between my
seemingly random mood swings and my menstrual cycle. Once that link
was identified, treatment was as simple as taking birth control pills
which block the majority of the female hormone cycle. As a bonus, the
birth control also got rid of most of the cramping and puking.
For the remainder of
college and my first few years out in the work force, the hormones
minded their manners. Then the puking that used to happen with each
period became the norm during the placebo week of my pills, with
little to no bleeding. When I told this to my ob/gyn, who I have to
this date not yet shared my identity with, his conclusion was “Your
body really doesn't like it's own estrogen.” (I found out later
that adverse reactions to naturally produced hormones seem to be the
norm within the trans population... and that many care providers
consider the 'hormone test' of whether or not the individual responds
better to the opposite set of hormones to be the ultimate test of
whether or not transitioning is right for that individual.)
Hormone treatment was
then adjusted to taking just the 'active' portions of the birth
control pills and skipping the placebo week to start a new pack right
away. This was predicted to result in a practically nonexistant
hormone cycle, with breakthrough bleeding occurring periodically that
can be dealt with by taking one placebo week in order to 'reset' the
body. For me, this is (at least very close to) the ideal condition...
no hormone cycle, no mood swings, no bleeding, no physical
discomforts; what that deep-down-inner-part of me knows is the way
it's supposed to be.
And of course through
all of this I'm doing the usual schooling, work, and social life that
most of us do at that age range. I was aware that I was going into a
male-dominated field, but didn't think much of it. With a family of
technically-minded people (including a programmer aunt and both
grandmothers having had occupations outside the home), I never
questioned whether there might be anything wrong with becoming an
engineer. There were women in OSU's engineering department, but most
of them seemed to be there just because their boyfriends were and
dropped out when the relationships ended; I was there for my own
benefit so wasn't interested in association with people who weren't
serious about their studies. I did make friends with several of my
male peers, and had a romantic relationship with one of them for a
while.
Throughout college and
my first few years in the workforce, I found myself falling into a
destructive dating pattern: In the initial relationship stages, I put
extra effort into acting feminine and submissive in order to be
attractive; once I gained confidence in the relationship, I became
more assertive and asexual... this didn't go over well. Men don't
generally handle the shock of realizing that the woman they'd been
treating as a trophy doesn't want to continue playing that role. Most
were angry and intimidating, a few even threatened violence.
Practically all of them complained that I was trying to act like a
man and/or accused me of being a lesbian.
After one particularly
disappointing episode of this type of rejection, I decided I'd had
enough of it... it was time to tell the world what I am, and my
attitude became “If you're going to call me queer, at least get
which KIND of queer right!” I went looking for other people like
myself, as previously discussed in the “Coming Out” blog.
Being painfully aware of
the dangerous dating situations I'd gotten myself into, I made an
effort to show my androgynous/masculine (pick whichever word you like
better) side during the early relationship stages. It really didn't
help. Men see boobs and hips and a vagina, and they somehow manage to
not see what the person who has those things thinks and acts like
until they're smacked upside the head with it. And of course when
that finally happens, they have the same old hostile reaction as if
you'd been hiding it all along instead of dangling it in front of
their face the whole time. That's the two-sentence summary of my
failed marriage... I was 'out' to my husband when we were first
dating, but he didn't really see who I am/was (and subsequently
reject me for it) until after we were married.
Nowdays all of my
friends have been told about my identity. Most of them don't fully
understand it... which really isn't surprising; when your brain and
body have always matched each other, how can you possibly understand
what it feels like when they don't? A few think that “transgender”
isn't the correct term for me, taking a more restrictive definition
that only acknowledges MtF & FtM. I take what support I can get
and am grateful for it.
At work, I'm grateful
that current culture generally provides equal treatment for men and
women in my field. I have a strong dislike for women's dress
clothing, but grit my teeth and put it on each morning, painfully
aware that there's no such thing as gender-neutral dress clothing.
I'm on friendly terms with my female co-workers, but I don't feel a
connection to them... I know that I look like them on the surface,
but feel like an imposter playing a practiced role rather than a
genuine member of their kind.
I consider my sexual
organs to effectively be 'on probation': As long as they mind their
manners and don't cause trouble, they can stay where the currently
are; if they cause excessive difficulty, I can and will have them
removed. Hormone cycles and the associated mental and physical
discomforts have been creeping back into my life despite the
medication treatment over the course of the last year, which I'm
assuming is going to require another change to the treatment plan. I
don't yet know if this can be managed with medication or if surgical
intervention will be necessary.
Further Clarification
This one pretty much introduces itself. Written February '10.
What is your transgender status? (i.e., fully transitioned, transitioning, partially transitioned, planning to transition, no transition, etc) Why did you choose that path?
What is your past and current relationship with the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints (e.g., are you a current member in good standing? Do you consider yourself a former Mormon? etc.)
If you're still active at all, at what level do you participate? (e.g., do you just attend? Are you a home/visiting teacher? Do you hold a calling? Are you endowed? Married in the temple? etc.)
Visiting teacher, calling, endowed.
If you could, would you want to participate at a higher level (e.g., would you like a calling? Hope to get endowed/married in temple some day?)
Temple marriage would be nice, but I'm not very optimistic on the odds of it happening since I have no intention of becoming a stay-at-home mother. To quote my aunt... "I need a WIFE!"
I would like to take an active role in getting the more open and accepting beliefs that church leadership holds trickled down to the general membership.
If you are not a current member in good standing, what keeps you away? Would you go back if you could?
Too much bigotry and belief that "our way is the RIGHT way". I value my sanity too much to put up with that, which is why I prefer to spend my time with non-members.
(Recognizing that prophets are mortal and fallible) Do you believe that God calls prophets? Do you believe that they speak the truth? Do you believe that God's prophets lead the Church?
Yes, however it's spelled out in the articles of faith that "He will yet reveal many great and important things pertaining to the kingdom of God." Even our prophets haven't yet received all the truth that there is to have.
Do you agree with the Church's teaching that "All human beings—male and female—are created in the image of God. Each is a beloved spirit son or daughter of heavenly parents, and, as such, each has a divine nature and destiny. Gender is an essential characteristic of individual premortal, mortal, and eternal identity and purpose"? In other words, do you agree that we are all either male or female on a spiritual level (regardless of whether our mortal bodies necessarily match or reflect that gender identity)?
I don't know. I know I don't fit into the American definition of female, but that there are other cultures that would either assign me a male role or provide a scope of femaleness that would include me. God could see me as male OR female for all I know... and I don't particularly care which. I'll deal with that when I get to eternity, trusting that God will give me a role I can be happy in. [And if he doesn't, I'll be on the far side of the terrestrial kingdom with the rest of the "variant" people.]
Do you consider yourself (spiritually/core) male or female (regardless of apparent birth sex)? Why?
I am me. I don't see gender as a primary characteristic of what I am, and feel that the assigning of one gets in the way of other more important things. See response to previous question for further elaboration.
If you have transitioned, how closely did you follow the Harry Benjamin standards? How much did they help you?
If I do transition, it probably won't include hormones or surgery... not sure that the Harry Benjamin standards are applicable to that case.
If you haven't transitioned at all, what if anything do you do to cope?
I wear gender-neutral clothing whenever possible (jeans, T-shirts, etc). Baggy sweatshirts are a favorite since nothing else comes close to disguising my breast size. I frequent male-dominated activities and distance myself from anyone who insists that I need to act feminine.
Someone on the tgiMormons email list ran a survey to get an idea of
how broadly this group covers the trans spectrum. My responses were:
What was your apparent birth sex and how do you currently present?
What was your apparent birth sex and how do you currently present?
female and female
What is your transgender status? (i.e., fully transitioned, transitioning, partially transitioned, planning to transition, no transition, etc) Why did you choose that path?
No plan transition at this
time... leaving it open as a future possibility. Transition is a very
confusing process for everyone; I don't feel that the benefit I would
get from it would justify the resulting headaches.
What is your past and current relationship with the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints (e.g., are you a current member in good standing? Do you consider yourself a former Mormon? etc.)
Convert at
age 23 despite very non-LDS beliefs on gender related issues. On paper
I'm a wonderfully upstanding member; socially, I'm about as far out as
one can get and not be considered completely gone.
If you're still active at all, at what level do you participate? (e.g., do you just attend? Are you a home/visiting teacher? Do you hold a calling? Are you endowed? Married in the temple? etc.)
Visiting teacher, calling, endowed.
If you could, would you want to participate at a higher level (e.g., would you like a calling? Hope to get endowed/married in temple some day?)
Temple marriage would be nice, but I'm not very optimistic on the odds of it happening since I have no intention of becoming a stay-at-home mother. To quote my aunt... "I need a WIFE!"
I would like to take an active role in getting the more open and accepting beliefs that church leadership holds trickled down to the general membership.
If you are not a current member in good standing, what keeps you away? Would you go back if you could?
Too much bigotry and belief that "our way is the RIGHT way". I value my sanity too much to put up with that, which is why I prefer to spend my time with non-members.
(Recognizing that prophets are mortal and fallible) Do you believe that God calls prophets? Do you believe that they speak the truth? Do you believe that God's prophets lead the Church?
Yes, however it's spelled out in the articles of faith that "He will yet reveal many great and important things pertaining to the kingdom of God." Even our prophets haven't yet received all the truth that there is to have.
Do you agree with the Church's teaching that "All human beings—male and female—are created in the image of God. Each is a beloved spirit son or daughter of heavenly parents, and, as such, each has a divine nature and destiny. Gender is an essential characteristic of individual premortal, mortal, and eternal identity and purpose"? In other words, do you agree that we are all either male or female on a spiritual level (regardless of whether our mortal bodies necessarily match or reflect that gender identity)?
I don't know. I know I don't fit into the American definition of female, but that there are other cultures that would either assign me a male role or provide a scope of femaleness that would include me. God could see me as male OR female for all I know... and I don't particularly care which. I'll deal with that when I get to eternity, trusting that God will give me a role I can be happy in. [And if he doesn't, I'll be on the far side of the terrestrial kingdom with the rest of the "variant" people.]
Do you consider yourself (spiritually/core) male or female (regardless of apparent birth sex)? Why?
I am me. I don't see gender as a primary characteristic of what I am, and feel that the assigning of one gets in the way of other more important things. See response to previous question for further elaboration.
4/27/2013 edit: I suspect that LDS folks are going to get uptight upon seeing this statement, remind themselves/me that "gender is an essential characteristic of our spirits!", and then stop listening, justifying this by convincing themselves/yourself that I'm obviously contradicting gospel principles and must therefor be completely wrong. I'm not going to retract my statement in attempt to maintain an ongoing dialog, but I will attempt to re-word it in a less offensive manner... I understand that your gender is important to you, and think that is as it should be. I understand that such is the case for most of the human population. When it comes to my own gender identity (which I do have, although it's not as neatly defined as yours) there are so many cultural values that might or might not align with God's priorities muddying the waters that I don't think it's possible for us mere mortals to confidently identify what the presumed male/female binary designation of my spirit is. I'm ok with not knowing that in this lifetime. And if I, the person to whom that piece of information is most relevant, am willing to wait for that detail to be sorted out... who are you to demand an answer to that question now?
If you have transitioned, how closely did you follow the Harry Benjamin standards? How much did they help you?
If I do transition, it probably won't include hormones or surgery... not sure that the Harry Benjamin standards are applicable to that case.
If you haven't transitioned at all, what if anything do you do to cope?
I wear gender-neutral clothing whenever possible (jeans, T-shirts, etc). Baggy sweatshirts are a favorite since nothing else comes close to disguising my breast size. I frequent male-dominated activities and distance myself from anyone who insists that I need to act feminine.
Coming Out (in a way)
My first trans-related blog, written November '08.
- encouragement in staying active in the church while being more open about atypical gender identity
- an understanding ear regarding the isolation of being queer in a conservative religion
- polite requests to church leaders for clear and consistent guidelines, and enough transparency in disciplinary procedures to be confident that judgements are based on official policy and not personal bias
- striving to combat member ignorance of the issues involved, without labelling as enemies
We'll see if that happens or not. I hate being in charge of organizational processes, but I may try to start another group if I can't find what I'm looking for in an existing system
[Yes, I use some interesting
terminology in this blog. No, I'm not swearing. These are the best
culturally defined words that I could find, courtesy of Wikipedia.]
I got reminded recently that I'm weird... beyond normal variability, beyond Asperger's. Weird
in a way that I've only described to a few people... but that others
pick up on, even if they can't precisely identify the difference. The
commentary ranges from “Quit trying to be a guy.” to strings of
profanity that essentially mean the same thing.
I
have the wonderful fortune to have found myself in a queer status group
that most Americans have never heard of. Everyone knows a gay or a
lesbian. Most people have heard of trans-gendered persons, even if they
have no [known] personal acquaintances of that type. Other cultures
acknowledge the existence of gender-neutral persons, but not ours. We
live in a sea of people who don't think gender means anything more than
the presence or absence of a penis.
I
do not identify as male OR female. I acknowledge the presence of
physical sexual anatomy, but do not identify with this any more than a
trans-gendered person does. I live in a female role out of social
convenience, not because I enjoy or feel right doing so. If I could live
as a genderless person without offending/alienating virtually everyone I
know, I would do so. This is the reality that I live with, although I
try to avoid thinking about.
In
high school and college, I watched two of my friends switch from male
to female life. One moved to another state to make the transition,
coming back as a completely different person to all but her closest
friends. The other never left the self-imposed isolation she felt was
necessary to protect herself from social rejection. It's a hellish
existence, even with support from friends and family... which is why I
decided years ago not to transition, to let others continue to assign me
the same arbitrary gender role.
Of
course, nothing is ever that simple. My father introduced me to the
practice of genderfuck, and I adopted it as a continuous amusement for
years before I knew there was a term for the practice. I'm not sure if
there's ever a situation in which I'm not doing this to at least some
degree. I suppose I could put myself through the appropriate social
schooling and perfect the female illusion... but why? I have no desire
to kill myself (figuratively or literally) in order to ensure the
continuing comfort of people who don't value the full spectrum of
humanity.
Further
complicating the situation is my faith in a religion that does not
outwardly accept any degree of queerness. Believe me, if there was any
logic involved, I'd have been long gone before I even considered
joining. I do believe that the LDS church is divinely directed... and I
also know my own experience of myself.
Realistically, I have very little to fear. Legally, socially and ecclesiastically, I'm not doing
anything wrong; I'm just a little eccentric. Every now and then a
disillusioned boyfriend takes a burn-the-witch attitude and scares the
heck out of me, but so far there's been no physical harm.
I
used to live as androgynously as possible. I've eased up some in recent
years, but continue to blur the line between genders quite a bit. I'm
also realizing that my choices have consequences. I can
walk the line between female and gender-neutral, but there's an
inherent degree of social isolation that goes with doing so. Most people
separate “guy friends” from “girl friends”, with associated social
activities and expectations. Only in the situation where male and female
commingle without separate gender roles am I able to truly fit in.
Despite
systematic neutrality, the future looks ominous... gender-neutral
friendships are not as easy to come by as we think. I'd like to have a
permanent romantic relationship [duration more than 6 months would be a
nice start!], but am reminded how gender-specific most people's
approaches to these are, especially within my church. Heck, even having
someone to talk to that understands the experience would be nice!
Internet to the rescue? There is a community of gay/bi/trans Mormons (www.affirmation.org).
There's also a Yahoo group for transgendered persons with Mormon
backgrounds. I've initiated contact with both, will see what happens. I
know there's a lot of LGBT people who have been hurt by unchristlike
interpretations of religious beliefs, so I don't know how much either of
these groups is in supporting an active member. What I'm hoping to
find:
- encouragement in staying active in the church while being more open about atypical gender identity
- an understanding ear regarding the isolation of being queer in a conservative religion
- polite requests to church leaders for clear and consistent guidelines, and enough transparency in disciplinary procedures to be confident that judgements are based on official policy and not personal bias
- striving to combat member ignorance of the issues involved, without labelling as enemies
We'll see if that happens or not. I hate being in charge of organizational processes, but I may try to start another group if I can't find what I'm looking for in an existing system
Outside a Small Circle of Friends
Written January '09, this one isn't trans related either... but it does have a dark parallel for all of us who have been the target of prejudice, regardless of the reason.
One of Wikipedia's featured articles yesterday was on
Phil Ochs' song Outside a Small Circle of Friends. A web search for the
lyrics gave more history on the event that triggered the song's creation
and a sort of epilogue... both shocking but also unsurprising.
On March 13, 1964, a 28 year old New York City woman gained world-wide recognition for her role in an event which even today is remembered by people everywhere, creating a legacy still held up as an example of American values, or lack thereof. There can be no doubt, however, that Kitty Genovese would have given all her worldly possessions to have avoided the global "fame" acquired on that Friday the 13th that gave to her the ultimate horror associated with this symbol of bad luck.Even though 47,000 New York City residents have been murdered since, hers remains the most tragic because 38 "citizens" awakened by her cries for help watched as she was assaulted not once, but three times over a half hour period. Not only did they fail to come to her aid, they also failed to call the police for help. Vincent Mosely, her assailant, stabbed her several times, then left, only to return a few minutes later to cut her up a little more.During his brief absence, these "decent" New Yorkers turned off their lights and went back to sleep, only to be awakened again by this second assault, a scene repeated a third time, after which she no longer needed the assistance she failed to get the first, second or even the third, and final time.During Mosely's trial, witnesses made several statements, but one stands above the rest as a symbol of this tragic event and is the reason for its world-wide infamy: "We didn't want to get involved." No surprise to Mosely, for as he said: "I knew they wouldn't do anything - they never do."Hundreds, if not thousands, of studies were done about this event and book after book after book announced the downfall of American values because of it.One study concluded that on average, if more than 4 people witness an event, nobody will do anything. Each person will say to themselves "I don't have to get involved since there are other people here who can help."[emphasis added]
People are willing to stand by and WATCH A MURDER HAPPEN?!? Horrifying, but not that different from what I've witnessed in my own life... A crowd gathers around a schoolyard beating, but nobody fetches a teacher to protect the victim. Fill in an example from your own life; I'm sure everyone has a few of their own.
What made
this story hit home especially hard for me is a situation that happened
on Sunday that I have been unable to understand or explain since. I had a
meltdown (emotional collapse, lots of crying and despair) in the middle
of a church service, which was not questioned or commented on by
virtually everyone present in the room at the time and walking through
the hallways afterwards. The only exception was a tentative query from
someone who has an assigned responsibility to check on me. I try very
hard to be quiet and non-disruptive when these things happen, but I find
it difficult to believe that I mask THAT well... Why does nobody seem
to care? This is a scenario that I've encountered numerous times in
various settings, and always find myself asking the same question.
Now
I know why/how it is that completely falling apart in front of a
roomful of people fails to catch any concern for one's well-being. The
social understanding that "I don't have to get involved since there are
other people that can help" makes the chances of actually getting help
inversely proportional to the number of people aware that help is
needed.
Lesson learned: If you need
help, reveal that need to the smallest number of people possible...
because it won't be coming from anywhere outside a small circle of
friends.
Sam's Articles of Faith
This one was originally written in May '08. Not really trans related, but does sum up my relationship with the LDS church somewhat.
And the horizontal line separating this text from the body of the blog is my first real use of HTML!
And the horizontal line separating this text from the body of the blog is my first real use of HTML!
There's been a lot of questions lately on what my
religious beliefs are, and stating the obvious that my beliefs and those
of my church don't mesh all that well. In order to clear up the
confusion (or at least create some entertaining discussion), I've
created my own Articles of Faith.
[For those of you who aren't Mormon, this is a parody of Joseph Smith's letter to a newspaper editor outlining church beliefs, which is published with many other official church statements in the book commonly known as the Book of Mormon. http://scriptures.lds.org/a_of_f/1/1-131]
I believe that God and Jesus are real entities that I currently have limited communication with, and will someday be able to converse with directly.
I believe that individuals will be held accountable for both their own "sins", and similar actions that they force others to commit. Someone who makes the best they can of a bad situation is only liable for the degree to which they caused more harm than necessary.
I believe that all good people are eligible for heavenly glory. Spouting of Christian rhetoric is not a requirement, and frequently runs contrary to the nature of goodness.
I believe that the Holy Ghost, also known as "intuition" and "conscience", is available to and for the benefit of all humanity. No priesthood authority is necessary to make use of it, only a desire and commitment to do what is right.
I believe that church authorities are called by God and are divinely inspired. However, they are not all-knowing, and can be assisted to better fulfill their duties through education and correction of misunderstandings.
I believe that social structures change over time, and religion must adapt to these changes. Men do not own their wives and children, and should be prepared to earn the respect of their families rather than authoritatively demanding it. Women can contribute to the good of the world in many ways, and should be encouraged to focus on the best use of their individual skills and talents rather than being arbitrarily confined to traditional roles.
I believe that through the power of the Priesthood, everyone has access to blessings of comfort and healing. These blessings do not replace medicine and the assistance of others, but combine with these other resources for maximum benefit.
I believe the only portions of the Bible which qualify as the word of God are those that were written by authorized prophets and have been translated accurately to modern language. Since it is unclear what, if any, sections meet this criteria, it is both reasonable and responsible to view the Bible as having very limited authority. Same principle applies to other religious texts as well.
[For those of you who aren't Mormon, this is a parody of Joseph Smith's letter to a newspaper editor outlining church beliefs, which is published with many other official church statements in the book commonly known as the Book of Mormon. http://scriptures.lds.org/a_of_f/1/1-131]
I believe that God and Jesus are real entities that I currently have limited communication with, and will someday be able to converse with directly.
I believe that individuals will be held accountable for both their own "sins", and similar actions that they force others to commit. Someone who makes the best they can of a bad situation is only liable for the degree to which they caused more harm than necessary.
I believe that all good people are eligible for heavenly glory. Spouting of Christian rhetoric is not a requirement, and frequently runs contrary to the nature of goodness.
I believe that the Holy Ghost, also known as "intuition" and "conscience", is available to and for the benefit of all humanity. No priesthood authority is necessary to make use of it, only a desire and commitment to do what is right.
I believe that church authorities are called by God and are divinely inspired. However, they are not all-knowing, and can be assisted to better fulfill their duties through education and correction of misunderstandings.
I believe that social structures change over time, and religion must adapt to these changes. Men do not own their wives and children, and should be prepared to earn the respect of their families rather than authoritatively demanding it. Women can contribute to the good of the world in many ways, and should be encouraged to focus on the best use of their individual skills and talents rather than being arbitrarily confined to traditional roles.
I believe that through the power of the Priesthood, everyone has access to blessings of comfort and healing. These blessings do not replace medicine and the assistance of others, but combine with these other resources for maximum benefit.
I believe the only portions of the Bible which qualify as the word of God are those that were written by authorized prophets and have been translated accurately to modern language. Since it is unclear what, if any, sections meet this criteria, it is both reasonable and responsible to view the Bible as having very limited authority. Same principle applies to other religious texts as well.
I believe that God has revealed and will continue to reveal further direction as humanity becomes ready to accept additional information and direction. Readiness is determined by some method of averaging, not by the status of either the most or least prepared.
I believe that in the afterlife, one's place will be determined by personal preferences, not by arbitrary external labeling. Liberal people will continue to have the opportunity to debate with each other regardless of individual views, and conservatives will be isolated from such. Families will be separated or rejoined as a reflection of the relationships that formed, or failed to form, during mortality.
I believe that everyone has the right to honor/worship whatever deity/deities they believe in, including none at all. Belief in the divine, or lack thereof, does not guarantee that one will find fulfillment in life.
I believe that law is necessary for the maintaining of order, but that laws are only as just as the logic that produced them. Citizens have a duty to contest questionable laws and rulings in order to protect the rights of all humanity.
I hope for a future better than anything I have known in the past, will continue to endure the pain that results from being who I am, and hope that somehow who I am will bring to pass that future I dream of. I treasure my friendships with people of differing beliefs and pray that their goodness will never be destroyed in the name of "righteousness".
And if I do get sent to Hell for believing as I do, at least I'll be in good company!
(although I'm pretty safe, considering that life as we know it is the closest thing that Mormons believe in)
(although I'm pretty safe, considering that life as we know it is the closest thing that Mormons believe in)
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)