tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-58483441046033711652024-03-13T19:54:13.023-07:00Darkness & Light<p align="right">LDS, gender-neutral, and out.</p>Sam Corbinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14943865028619775946noreply@blogger.comBlogger23125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5848344104603371165.post-31394472570925794112019-07-28T13:12:00.001-07:002019-08-04T14:21:26.703-07:00What I Do To Be Closer To GodI got <u>asked</u> to give a talk in sacrament, and I know this is going to be a great one... so I might as well compose in bloggable format for wider distribution! ;-)<br />
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Song Links: In general, the highlighted text is the song title. There's a few instances where I didn't state the song title (Heart of the Appaloosa, Everything Possible) so I had to pick something else as the link text. There's also a couple instances where I wasn't confident that the average listener/reader would recognize the historical reference, so I included a link to the applicable Wikipedia page (which in the case of Orphan Train took priority over using the same text segment for the YoutTube link). Sorry, I wasn't able to find a web version of Average Woman; you'll have to get your hands on a physical copy of the recording to hear that one.<br />
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This is a super exciting opportunity for me. Normally I'm hesitant about speaking over the pulpit, knowing that pretty much everything I say is unconventional and not being sure how that will be received. In this case, [second counselor] deliberately assigned the subject of "What I Do To Be Closer To God" to ward members with atypical life experiences, along with direction to focus on personal perspective rather than the conventional scripts. So I was specifically asked to speak unconventionally today!<br />
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Because of this variance, I'm going to need to take several tangents in order to explain concepts that don't exist in Mormon culture. I will try to work those into a straightforward narrative, but don't know how successful I'm going to be at that.<br />
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Starting with the term "culture"... that was formally defined in my college level Intro to Anthropology textbook as "the system of learned beliefs and customs that characterize the total way of life for a particular society" but I was aware of the concept of different groups having different standards and perspectives much earlier.<br />
I grew up in the foothills of the coast range, and went to a small rural elementary school where many of my classmates had family members working in the timber logging industry and/or raised livestock for personal use. Despite the "redneck" stereotypes, the frequency of physical labor and demand for diverse skill sets in everyday responsibilities resulted in an culture that emphasized personal independence and competence.<br />
At my mother's insistence, my family went to the Methodist church in the nearest town every Sunday. Religiously organized white-collar people put a lot more focus on looking alike and following social prescriptions than non-denominational hillbillies do. The alternative perspective I'd gotten from my school classmates and my hippie father had me conscious of the opportunity to deliberately choose between presented cultural values well before I hit my teen years. When it became apparent that blindly following the presented standards of faith was expected, I quit going to church. After an incident at church camp where my peer group had left a wheelchair-bound developmentally disabled girl alone at the bottom of a flight of steps while they socialized upstairs and I was the one who got in trouble for making the inclusionary effort of having a friend help me carry her up, I broke of all association with organized religion.<br />
For the next decade, my standard response to "You don't go to church? You're going to go to Hell!" was "Good. At least I won't have to put up with YOU there." I didn't (and still don't) associate the concept of morality with religious conviction. I also spent most of my teen years absolutely miserable thanks to a combination of unsupportive environment and un-diagnosed medical issues, sincerely believing that "if there is a God, he hates my guts". Even with my later return to organized religion, my understanding of the concept of "God" is still a bit fuzzy... people are relatively straightforward in their expressions of approval or disapproval which makes it easy to assess whether or not they're worth the effort of associating with, disembodied or distant religious figures much less so.<br />
<br />
Matthew 18: 20 "where two or three come together in my name, there am I with them" has always stuck with me as recognizing the value of shared experiences... although in a world where as much evil as good is done "in the name of Christ", that's not a very helpful standard either. With so many world religions agreeing on the basic tenants of peace, compassion, love, and harmony, I'm inclined to believe that any exercise of those principles is in alignment with benevolent divine powers... whether we call that power God, Great Spirit, Gaia, or something else completely different.<br />
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So my definition of "closer to God" is experiences which make being alive feel good and worthwhile, especially so if done in companionship with other like minded people. What LDS people call "service projects" are an obvious example, although my emphasis in doing service is more about the participation experience than being able to show off the final result. Structured examples of things that I've done include being a volunteer firefighter/first responder in my hometown, using ham radio capabilities to do administrative coordination and safety communications for a variety of public events, Search & Rescue, and Habitat for Humanity construction projects. Less structured examples include volunteering at a shelter for homeless teenagers, my duties here as your Primary Secretary, and caring for the foster children placed in my home.<br />
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The service moments that mean the most to me are the ones where I was in the right place to do something that probably wouldn't have happened otherwise. Some examples from my evenings at the youth shelter: Walking a girl to the bus stop a quarter mile away and back, so she would know where to catch the bus to school the next morning... and being told during the walk back to the shelter that without the extra guidance, she probably would have used a different stop about halfway there and ended upon the wrong bus. Arriving at the shelter for my usual Wednesday evening to be greeted by excited cheers from a youth who knew from past experience that I would be able to help her with her math homework. Spending several hours straight helping that same kid with math homework, as she voluntarily skipped snack time in order to make the most use of my presence; the two of us simultaneously protesting "one more problem" when told by a staff member that it was time to pack up and go to bed, and going home significantly later than I'd intended to stay thoroughly enjoying the warm fuzzy feeling at having finished that homework assignment.<br />
Some examples from one-time activities and other random encounters: Taking a 1-block detour from my planned route to the transit center in order to guide a disoriented blind man to the utility company office that he was trying to reach. Trusting a prompting to attend a Relief Society activity that as usual I didn't get anything out of participation in... but I was in the right place to support two women who had traumatic memories triggered by that activity. Earlier this month, I got the adventure of helping a person in a motorized wheelchair navigate a sprawling two-story building that neither one of us had ever been in before.<br />
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Other activities that I value for the social connection include role playing and strategy board games, and community dances like square and contra (that's c-o-n-t-r-A, not that other word that ends with a Y). Mental and physical capabilities, variable as those may be, are a God-given gift so challenging ourselves and each other to fully utilize those is a good thing!<br />
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Which brings me to the category of experience that I feel the most divine power in, but wouldn't have been able to adequately explain without the context I've already shared: Music.<br />
I grew up listening to folk music, which is so much more than just a tune and a story... that genre is full of historical tributes and precedents, links between past and present stories, and reminders that the actions we make today will become part of the next generation's history. It's as much a pep rally motivating the kinds of actions I've described thus far as an entertainment media to be consumed. Those of you who were at the jam evening at [primary music leader / former bishopric member]'s home last December heard some of the songs I'm about to reference.<br />
<br />
Fred Small's telling of the tragic <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nez_Perce_War" target="_blank">Nez Perce flight toward Canada</a> simultaneously <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eaxeofi4ISw" target="_blank">celebrates their legacy</a> in the <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Appaloosa" target="_blank">Appaloosa</a> breed of horses. The <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Orphan_Train" target="_blank">Orphan Trains</a> had stopped running before Utah Phillips was born, but his telling of that legacy repeatedly pleads with the listener to "<a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uroEKlxiH2Q" target="_blank">take us in</a>," a need that is just as applicable with the modern child welfare system. John McCutcheon added a third verse to Walter Robinson's tribute to <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CFfQoi9Cx7g" target="_blank">Harriet Tubman</a> and her service in the Underground Railroad, extending the "come on up!" invitation to modern refugees from Central & South America.<br />
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Those examples are relatively impersonal ones... others challenge the listener/singer to take personal action:<br />
<a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uXnJVkEX8O4" target="_blank">The Big Muddy</a> was written by Pete Seeger during the height of the Vietnam War, but it's stateside setting and absence of personal names make it a timeless reminder of the danger of blindly following anytime a "big fool says to push on." Judy Small emphasizes that every social movement is made up of countless individuals, each of whom contribute <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7nvbYlmdYS0" target="_blank">One Voice</a> of energy to the outcome; "without you we are weaker and our song may not be heard." Fred Small's <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e9lfi7gCuz0" target="_blank">expression of unconditional love for a child</a> concludes with a value statement that "the only measure of your words and your deeds will be the love you leave behind when you're done."<br />
Heidi Muller's song about an unnamed woman presumably fleeing from an abusive relationship repeatedly states that "the <a href="https://www.heidimuller.com/discography.htm" target="_blank">average woman</a> is woman enough." In another of her writings, reflections on the <a href="https://www.reverbnation.com/heidimuller/song/27124372-whitebark" target="_blank">Whitebark</a> <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pinus_albicaulis" target="_blank">Pine tree</a> note that even "small and twisted things can split the hardest stone." Stan Rogers' story about the salvaging of a fictional shipwreck comes with a refrain to "like <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Fhop5VuLDIQ" target="_blank">the Mary Ellen Carter</a>, rise again!" His brother Garnet wrote about a real experience of purchasing a mistreated former racehorse and nursing her back to health, describing the resulting foal as "one more <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OQux2QdR5tM" target="_blank">small victory</a>."<br />
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All of these songs are power motivators individually, even more so when shared with other people. The most spiritual experience in my life occurred at the Labor Showcase portion of Seattle's Northwest Folklife Festival a few years after I joined this church. I would guess that some of you are already familiar with German Lutheran pastor <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Martin_Niem%C3%B6ller" target="_blank">Martin Niemöller</a>'s poem explaining the process by which the Nazi party had acquired the power to systematically exterminate whole classes of "undesirable" people:<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/First_they_came_..." target="_blank">First they came for</a> the Communists<br />
And I did not speak out<br />
Because I was not a Communist</blockquote>
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
Then they came for the Socialists<br />
And I did not speak out<br />
Because I was not a Socialist </blockquote>
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
Then they came for the trade unionists</blockquote>
... and so on for several other classes of people, concluding with<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
Then they came for me<br />
And there was no one left<br />
To speak out for me</blockquote>
Michael Stern rearranged those words and <a href="http://www.mikesongs.net/images/mike-stern-sheet-music-Stand-Up.pdf" target="_blank">set them to music</a>, adding the solution to preventing that tragedy from happening again: "<u>I'm</u> going to <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4p10PbdEQz8" target="_blank">stand up</a>." The <a href="https://www.seattlelaborchorus.org/" target="_blank">Seattle Labor Chorus</a> performed this song as part of their set, in a packed theater... and for the final verse, the entire audience of more than 500 people stood up. That experience of committing to take action in the form of solidarity, along with hundreds of other people was profound and has stuck with me ever since, providing additional motivation for all of the day-to-day activities that I engage in.<br />
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It's what Jesus did while he was on the earth, and would be doing today if he was here.<br />
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*scripture quote deliberately taken from the NIV Bible, which is a more substantially-accurate translation than the literally-translated KJV.<br />
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And because it's a blog I might as well keep the list of other songs that I thought of including but ended up not making the cut...<br />
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(Let the Light from the Lighthouse) <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dP9vldW_WR4" target="_blank">Shine On Me</a> [According to the accompanying insert from the CD on which Shanghaid on Willamette recorded this song, it's was a traditional gospel hymn before getting a maritime retrofit by Bob Zentz.]<br />
Johnathon Lay - <a href="http://maritimefolknet.org/cds-from-maritime-folknet/tugboat-cd/when-carissa-came-ashore/" target="_blank">When Carissa Came Ashore</a><br />
Shanghaied on the Willamette - Watch Your Backs [About the <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Shanghaiing" target="_blank">Shanghai</a> days at Portland's docks]<br />
Phil Ochs - <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K7fgB0m_y2I" target="_blank">Here's to the State of ___</a> [I've heard three different versions of this song - Ronald Regan, Richard Nixon, and Mississippi; sadly, all it takes to modernize is change a few names.]<br />
The Righteous Mothers - Py [not finding an online version of the song, but <a href="http://www.seattletimes.nwsource.com/html/pacificnw/2021217854_pacificpmartialarts30.html" target="_blank">this article</a> gives some brief details about the woman/incident it's about (which didn't exist last time I went looking for the backstory, yay I learned something too!)]<br />
Phil Ochs - <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tFFOUkipI4U" target="_blank">Draft Dodger Rag</a><br />
Phil Ochs - <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OgAiuHIBlVs" target="_blank">I Ain't Marching Anymore</a><br />
Fred Small - <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ondboIwZSdQ" target="_blank">Denmark 1943</a><br />
<a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mb20WLM9Fds" target="_blank">Who Were the Witches</a> [Original version by Bonnie Lockhart was almost all in past tense; The Gaia Choir shifted it more towards present tense.]<br />
<a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dPwRnS7ZEA0" target="_blank">Never Turning Back</a> [Authorship credited to Pat Humphries, I've only ever heard it performed by Judy Small.]<br />
Dave Carter & Tracy Grammer - <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bAGMATHlSK4" target="_blank">Gentle Arms of Eden</a>Sam Corbinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14943865028619775946noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5848344104603371165.post-72476213227315944722017-05-06T23:21:00.002-07:002017-05-06T23:21:58.809-07:00My "Transition"Covering the story in chronological order, which means that current/recent events don't come in until 2/3rds of the way through the blog post... skip ahead if that's the only part you care about. <br />
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See <a href="http://darkness7light.blogspot.com/2012/11/looking-back.html">this previous blog</a> (written mid-2012) for my childhood and early adult experiences with hormones and gender roles.<br />
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Estrogen-based hormone treatment (birth control) was the only option the doctors gave me back when I first realized that PMS was the cause of my apparently random mood swings. I accepted that treatment plan without realizing that this would come with an appearance-feminizing side effect... by the time I found out that detail, it was too late to do much of anything about it; the primary complaint (mental health issues driven by menstrual cycle) was under control and bigger boobs is something every woman wants, right? [yeah, right. I'm up in the range where even cis-women have reductions. Doctors somehow don't acknowledge that detail though.] I'd queried the possibility of a testosterone-based treatment plan a few times in the subsequent years, but never got taken seriously with my requests.<br />
<br />
Right around my 30th birthday, chemical sensitivity kicked in. There'd been a few random things (like plug-in-to-the-wall air fresheners) that I'd had atypical reactions to earlier in my life, but now the number of things to be avoided at all costs more than doubled in a period of only 6 months. Reading everything I could find on this poorly documented condition, the main takeaways were that<br />
1) it primarily shows up in aged 30-something females, and usually gets better after menopause [i.e. probably hormone related]<br />
2) aside from small improvements that can be achieved in limited circumstances, it's generally a degenerative disease... repetitive exposures are not just miserable, they do permanent and irreversible damage to the immune system<br />
So I got good at avoiding the growing list of chemicals that I have extreme adverse reactions to, managing to live a not-terribly-inconvenient life with that limitation.<br />
<br />
In December 2013, I moved to the Portland area to start a new job, which of course meant switching to a different employer-provided health insurance plan. The new insurance put me on a different brand of birth control pills, which might technically not have had anything to do with the following adventures but the timing is certainly suspicious. Disabling endometriosis flareups started happening again, as did psychiatric episodes similar to the ones I'd previously had before starting hormone treatment. Again I asked for a testosterone based option, was only offered varying dosages of the estrogen version... experimentation with these in Fall of 2014 verified what had previously been concluded... hormone regulation is necessary to keep the psychiatric symptoms under control, while the estrogen treatment contributes significantly to chemical sensitivity. I was about ready to self-impose weekend isolation on myself (doing ANYTHING outside of my normal routine resulted in 24+ hour migraines) when one of my husband's friends suggested paying attention to what I eat... that experiment added artificial colors and flavors to my avoid-at-all costs list (rainbow jello + single dose of high-strength birth control = 3 day migraine!). Eventually I settled on a balance of low-dose birth control and being super careful of what I eat (in addition to avoiding artificial ingredients, even a minor digestive upset from eating slightly old leftovers would interfere with medication absorption enough to cause several days of misery)... but also started to seriously wish for a non-estrogen treatment option.<br />
<br />
Mid-2014, I heard through the grapevine that Kaiser Permanente has a "Gender Pathways" clinic for connecting transgender patients with doctors who have the training/background for providing the associated health care as well that the current <a href="http://www.wpath.org/">WPATH</a> standard of care allows for less-restrictive access to treatment than previous versions had allowed. I saw one of the doctors in that facility in August, which was a disaster. She flat refused to treat me, after her line of questioning found me to not meet the definition of trans<u>sexual</u>, and put an assessment of "not trans<u>gender</u>" in my medical file. Now it's normal for the general public to get those two terms mixed... but you'd think that a health care provider who is supposedly following a standard of care with the title of "Health of Transsexual, Transgender, and Gender Nonconforming People" and an included glossary that distinguishes between those categories would know the difference!<br />
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For the record, WPATH7 allows for prescription of identity-conforming hormones and access to surgery for all three of the identities listed in the document's title, not just the first category. Also, unofficial surveys of other trans-identified people who have had experience with this particular doctor indicates that she treats conventionally MtF or FtM people great, while giving all non-binary identified people the same refusal-to-treat. I reported her to Kaiser's administration over this... twice. No action taken, as far as I know.<br />
<br />
That left me grudgingly stuck with the estrogen-based treatment plan for another two years, until I got the names of two other doctors in Kaiser's system that also treat trans patients. Not wanting to go through a repeat of the round 1 drama, I pre-screened both for willingness to treat non-binary patients. The nurse assistant for one indicated that she was non-binary friendly, then the nurse assistant for the doc that refused to treat me somehow got ahold of my file/case and said I wasn't allowed to schedule appointments without her authorization. The other doctor, I was able to schedule an appointment with. He bounced me over to an outside counselor for formal assessment/diagnosis of gender dysphoria, but happily proceeded with pre-treatment health screening for possible complications and prescription of testosterone once that paperwork was filed.<br />
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I got my first testosterone injection in October 2016, and am very much enjoying the improved treatment outcome. I still have chemical sensitivity, but not anywhere as near as severe as when I was on estrogen. I can sleep in on weekends instead of needing to get up at the same time to take my medications. I can eat small amounts of artificial colors and flavors, and the unavoidable environmental contaminations (brief exposures to cigarette smoke or vaping, contractor using spray paint on a construction site, etc) no longer give me instant migraines. When my hormone dose gets delayed by a day or two (or even a week), I don't suffer any significant mental or physical ill effects. Massive improvement over constantly having to choose between mental or physical health!<br />
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I sent out an announcement email to my coworkers when my voice started changing (late December) letting them know what's going on there (I'm fine with using the cleaner restroom, going to continue wearing a mix of men's and women's clothes indefinitely, am not going to police pronouns, etc). All of the responses I got were incredibly supportive. I rarely talk to my family, so haven't told most of them yet.<br />
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At my annual employee review in January, I was asked what my transition goals are, which was a nice opportunity to formally state the priorities I've been operating under all along:<br />
#1: my head needs to function (minimize psychiatric symptoms and migraines)<br />
#2: physical health (ability to move freely, avoid unnecessary onset of osteoperosis)<br />
#3: appearance compatible with my non-binary identity<br />
The estrogen treatment plan was only marginally successful (if that) at the first two priorities, and was directly counter to the third. Testosterone is giving me superior results on all three. Even if you hold beliefs that deny validity of that third item, the first two are health standards that any sane person should be fully supportive of... and this is the best option available for my situation.<br />
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That being said, I'm also excited to see the decade of unwanted feminization being reversed, and masculine aspects starting to show in my appearance. My gender identity is neuter... while I doubt that I'll ever really be able to present in a way that would consistently get interpreted as such, the possibility of being able to present myself as not-female is a welcome relief. My bone structure is stuck in the "female" pattern, it'd be nice to have some male features to balance that out. There's a photo of my dad from back when he was about the age I am now that is reasonably close to how I'd like to eventually appear (blonde hair the same length as mine is now, plus full beard)... I need to track down a copy of that to post for illustration.<br />
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I don't currently have the option of pursuing any surgeries through the Gender Pathways route because Ms. nonbinary-isn't-trans is the head of that department and so gets to act as gatekeeper to surgery access. I'm pretty sure I don't want bottom surgery (what I have is nicely functional; don't see any benefit to tampering with it), undecided on whether or not I want to pursue top surgery... that's probably going to depend on how androgynous-balanced I look after the testosterone-driven appearance changes have stabilized. Even if I did opt for top surgery, it'd probably be more of a reduction (which cis-women are allowed to have, so don't you dare be applying a different standard to me) than a "sex change" operation... not that my surgery plans are any of your business, of course.Sam Corbinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14943865028619775946noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5848344104603371165.post-43975602529150516522017-03-26T12:37:00.001-07:002018-03-18T14:08:06.171-07:00Results of Letter to Area AuthorityFootnotes chronicling what has happened since I <a href="http://darkness7light.blogspot.com/2015/03/letter-to-area-authority.html">reported a stake president's abuse of power</a> in early 2015 have now exceeded the length of the original post, so I'm splitting them out to a separate blog entry. <br />
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That letter to Richard J. Maynes (with an attached copy of <a href="http://darkness7light.blogspot.com/2013/06/letter-to-leadership.html">my previous letter to church leadership</a>, as documentation that I had unsuccessfully attempted
local resolution) did find its way to Elder Maynes' office, despite the
lack of proper addressing. He handed it down to Richard Hansen, who
forwarded it down another level to Daniel Johnson sometime around early
April. That much, I'm fully in support of... if I'd had Elder Johnson's
name and contact information I would have sent it directly to him in the
first place.<br />
<br />
Two months later, with that projected
move to Tualatin still pending, I got a meeting request from the
Beaverton Stake President. He said that Elder Johnson had forwarded my
letter down to him for resolution at the local level, with no direction
on how to handle the situation being provided. I of course immediately
asked what his authority over the other Stake President was, and got the
expected answer of "none". That 90 minute meeting was mostly spent
running verbal circles about the same topic that I'd walked out of my
previous meeting with him THE PRECEDING YEAR over, with a few encouraging forward
steps in understanding. Towards the end of our meeting, I got to remind
him yet again that there's still this issue with the Tualatin Stake
President left to be addressed, at which point he made a less than
enthusiastic offer to set up a meeting with the three of us.<br />
<br />
The
idea of meeting with two stake presidents simultaneously, one of whom
has given indication of being outright hostile to me and one whom is
lukewarm at best, and neither of whom seem to think there's any actual
problem needing resolution doesn't exactly strike me as likely to result
in timely resolution.... so I called Elder Johnson's office the next
morning to advise him that I really don't think the Beaverton Stake
President is the right person to be handling this. I was expecting to be
told to write an email or another letter, was pleasantly surprised to
be permitted to speak to him directly. Despite Elder Johnson's claim to
be "very familiar" with my letter, he somehow managed to have my gender
identity wrong (I am not a transman!) and was oblivious to there being
an issue with the Tualatin Stake President. After spelling the situation
out for him (including WHY this situation is so distressing to me,
which I've been withholding from local leaders in order to ensure that
Mr. treat-the-trans-person-as-a-child-molester doesn't have an
opportunity to do even more harm) and asserting that yes the Tualatin
Stake President really did give that direction to the Hedges Creek Ward
bishop in response to his skepticism that any stake president would ever
do such a thing, he agreed that such a restriction is not in line with
church policy and said he'd make a phone call to the TSP.<br />
<br />
End
of July rolls around, and I haven't heard from either stake president,
so I make another trip over to Hedges Creek Ward to ask that set of
leaders whether or not they've been given addition direction from Daniel
Johnson. The Stake President happened to be presiding over the meeting
that day, which gave me an opportunity to query him directly instead of
the bishop. According to him, DJ did call, accepted SP's side of the
story and agreed that the situation had been handled properly... oh, and
I'm in trouble for making a "false accusation". When I asked what that
false accusation was, he refused to answer. He denied the comparison to
child molester handling is but declined to elaborate on the difference.
And his response to a direct query on my permissions to work with
children: "Not as long as I'm Stake President". I reported that latest
development to my own bishop, expecting to get the usual blind
acceptance of "I sustain local leaders" and was pleasantly surprised
that he considered the situation worthy of reporting again. So we're
sending that back up through the chain of command again, with me being
extremely skeptical that anything will come of it but desperate enough
to try.<br />
<br />
By November 2015, I hadn't heard a darn thing
back from my current Stake President or Bishop. I'd been generally been
going to Sacrament meeting only and then going home instead of attending
the second two hours of church.... but even with that restricted
exposure to church people, I was finding myself having 36-hour anxiety
attacks every weekend, Saturday afternoon through all day Sunday. And of course the <a href="http://www.deseretnews.com/article/865640835/Church-updates-policies-on-families-in-same-sex-marriages.html">church's update to policy on gay members</a> killed any hope I had of church authorities issuing positive clarification. I had
one last meeting with my current bishop spelling out to him exactly how
unwelcome I'd been made to feel in his ward, and revealing the detail
I'd been keeping secret in order to limit hostile leadership's
opportunity to abuse their power further... that spouse and I were
deliberately buying a big house so that we'll have space for foster
children. Foster children that I will not allow church folks to mistreat
as badly as they've mistreated me, so if there's no move to improve the
situation then I'm gone.<br />
<br />
Bishop once again assured me
that he would try to improve the situation, but I know better than to
believe that... I'll come back when I see it happening, not before. I never looked back, and have had only minimal
contact from my few allies in the ward. What I thought was going to be a
"vacation" of just a few weeks has turned into months and still
counting. Spouse and I moved to our new house (not the one in
Hedges Creek Ward, that sale ended up not going through) and I
decided not to tell any church officials where I'm at.
I let my Ensign membership lapse, most of my church-related
possessions are hidden away in a box in the attic, and I won't
be giving the USPS a forwarding address in order to make myself harder
to track down... which seems a bit overkill, given that they seem to not
even want me back. Mormons have a reputation for tracking down and
continuously harassing inactive members; I guess that shows how much
they really didn't want me there in the first place.<br />
<br />
<hr />
<br />
<br />
Griffith
Park Ward tried to assign me a home teacher in October 2016. I laughed
at him, told him I hadn't been in his ward for more than six months and
that no, I'm not interested in having church visitors at my new home.
Agreed to send him a link to the blog explaining why I have that policy,
did so, never heard back.<br />
<br />
<hr />
<br />
January 2017, the bishop of
Meridian Park Ward (Tualatin Stake) sent me a "welcome to our ward"
email. Apparently somebody finally figured out that I wasn't in Griffith
Park Ward anymore (RTS from the postal service on a Christmas card?
Tithing settlement prompted a review of ward records?) and the only
other address they had from me was that now-abandoned P.O. Box in
Tualatin. Again, I had a good laugh at the conditional interest ("If you
live within the Meridian Park Ward boundaries"...), shared a link to my Letter to Area Authority blog post, re-iterated that I'm not interested in giving out my
address for more of the same runaround, and suggested unloading my
membership record back to Springfield since that's the last ward that
seemed to actually want me. I was fully expecting that to result in another round of getting ignored... classic "not my problem" Mormon logic says
that since I'm not living in their ward boundaries, they're not expected
to do anything other than continue playing hot potato with my
membership.<br />
<br />
Well, that bishop actually seemed have a backbone (as opposed to the previous two that I'd interacted with)... he made it clear that I would be welcome to attend his ward, even without actually living in their boundaries, and got an ok from the Tualatin stake president to give me a calling if I want one in that church unit. Not that I really trust anything TSP says, but it's a nice gesture. I had a few more phone & email exchanges with the Meridian Park bishop discussing what the long-term logistics of having me attending a ward whose boundaries I don't live in would be, which led to an offer for him to contact the bishop of the ward where I actually do live without expectation of sharing my address or other contact information until I explicitly give permission to do so.<br />
<br />
And so that's how I ended up meeting with the bishop of Lake Forest ward in February, nervously dreading what the next blindsiding rejection would be. It hasn't happened yet. I've got permission to attend the men's 3rd hour Sunday meeting, and have even been told that they "appreciate" the few comments I've been brave enough to make there. After my church record transferred, a calling was promptly extended: Primary Presidency Secretary!<br />
<br />
So it's looking like I'm resuming the appearance of "activity"... although I turned in my temple recommend as soon as the record transfer went through, over protests from the bishop. I haven't felt like going to the temple in the entire time I've lived in the Portland area, and only renewed it two years ago because I (incorrectly, apparently) believed that having evidence of my worthiness would help with navigating the Tualatin mess. Despite the recent positive connections, I'm still completely disgusted with the leadership roulette mechanism (how can I be banned from working with children in one stake and then assigned to the Primary Presidency in another?!?) and have no interest in buying my way into "salvation".<br />
<br />
I've been open with everyone who's approached me for anything beyond superficial conversation, but get the impression that most of the ward still doesn't know I'm trans... and on testosterone.<br />
<br />
<hr />
<br />
2017 ward Primary Program was in October, and the weeks of practice leading up to that event gave me plenty of opportunity to appreciate having a place in this church unit. Sitting with the kids as they practiced was the first time(s) I'd been at the front of a chapel since I lived in Springfield, a quiet reminder of how thoroughly I'd been excluded during those three years living in Beaverton. I decided that I'd get up again on the first Fast Sunday following the program... didn't register to me until the week of that this was going to be November 5th, the two-year anniversary of that event that had precipitated my exit.<br />
<br />
So included that in the story that I shared with the entire ward.... opened with a disclaimer that my testimony isn't short or sweet, and then related the entire story of my experience with the LDS church from meeting Nathaniel at Dragonflight through the Corvallis Student Ward and Springfield 2nd ward and Griffith Park Ward in Beaverton and Hedges Creek Ward in Tualatin all the way to Lake Forest Ward in Lake Oswego. My distinction between the people I go to church with and the people that I consider to be my friends, my current transitional status, the fact that I still don't trust church records with my address so the bishop put the stake center's address in that field of my record, and what an honor is to be allowed to serve with the children here. [Didn't manage to fit in the part about having been married and divorced twice in this timeline; oops, I'll have to include that next time.]<br />
<br />
I was expecting there to be some sort of fallout from that public revelation, but anything along those lines that may have happened hasn't been relayed back to me yet. Several people commented to me afterwards that they "enjoyed my testimony"... which seems more than a little ironic given that there wasn't much enjoyable material in that, although I assume that the standard recognition-of-speaker phrase was the best wording they were able to come up with. One person was more specific, combining a comment about "having had a similar experience" with a half-hug. And that was it. Next time I checked in with the bishop, he said that he'd heard only positive feedback also.<br />
<br />
So now I'm out to the entire ward (at least, the portion of it who weas awake and in attendance that day), and I'm still the Primary Secretary. Never would have expected that, but I'm certainly not complaining!Sam Corbinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14943865028619775946noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5848344104603371165.post-19840227167142709592015-07-30T22:15:00.000-07:002016-01-19T22:57:49.905-08:00Denmark 1943Bulk of this blog was written in July 2015, concluding remarks completed January 2016.<br />
<br />
<hr />
<br />
Too many research citations in this one to do them in-text... I'll be using citation numbers to reference:<br />
<br />
1) "<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ondboIwZSdQ">Denmark 1943</a>" is a song by Fred Small, on his "<a href="http://www.amazon.com/Will-Stand-Fast-Fred-Small/dp/B000000MNM/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1438311993&sr=8-2&keywords=fred+small">I Will Stand Fast</a>" album.<br />
<br />
2) General historical context from <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Holocaust">The Holocaust</a> Wikipedia article.<br />
<br />
3) Details of the historical event tributed in Fred Small's song from the Wikipedia article on <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rescue_of_the_Danish_Jews">Rescue of the Danish Jews</a>.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<hr />
<br />
<br />
Fred Small's song "Denmark 1943" has been running through my head a lot lately... and not just because it's a great song, and great tribute to historical persons and their actions. Elements of that historical event and Small's dramatization of it are striking parallels (and even more troublesome, stark contrasts) with what I see going on around me on a daily basis.<br />
<br />
<br />
First, a mini history lesson:<br />
The mass execution of Jews, Gypsies, homosexuals, the mentally and physically handicapped, and anyone else that Nazi authorities deemed "unfit" was covered by our childhood schooling (or by the media, for those who were past schooling age when that information became public). Jews constituted roughly half of the 11 million total killed in German eugenics-goaled programs, and only 20-30% of Jews who had the misfortune to find themselves in occupied territory survived the extermination attempt [2].<br />
What didn't get covered (at least in my schooling), is the regional variations in death rates to Nazi death squads/camps, and the reasons behind those regional differences. Jewish mortality was ~90% in Germany, Austria, Poland, Latvia, and Lithuania. The survival rate was somewhat higher in Czechoslovakia, Greece, the Netherlands, Yugoslavia, Romaia, Belgium, and Hungary but still less than half in each of these countries. [2]<br />
The killing was so widespread that few safe-havens were found: "Albania
was the only country occupied by Germany that had a significantly
larger Jewish population in 1945 than in 1939. About two hundred native
Jews and over a thousand refugees were provided with false documents,
hidden when necessary, and generally treated as honored guests in a
country whose population was roughly 60% Muslim. [2]" I'm sure there's some great stories from there, but I don't have a song or a Wikipedia article educating me about Albania like I do for Denmark's massive short-notice rescue that occurred in the fall of 1943.<br />
<br />
<br />
What's so special about Denmark? <br />
A sympathetic German diplomat leaked warning of a plan to round up Danish Jews and deport them to the death camps to a Danish political activist on September 28th. By the following day, the news had been relayed through Danish Resistance members to leaders of the Jewish community. Jewish families were warned, concealed, and ultimately transported to safety in Sweden by their non-Jewish compatriots. When the German raid commenced on the evening of October 1st, only one Jewish family was found to be still occupying their previous address. [3]<br />
<br />
<blockquote>
Christian policemen, shopkeepers, and teachers<br />
Tell their friends of the quickening storm<br />
While students on bicycles race through the streets<br />
Searching for Jews to be warned</blockquote>
<blockquote>
Seven thousands of Jews smuggled over to Sweden<br />
By fishermen, nurses, and priests<br />
Hitler sends Eichmann to hunt them down<br />
But his quarry have vanished like mist [1]</blockquote>
Including interceptions during the following weeks, the occupying Germans managed to capture only 580 of the total ~7,800 Jewish Danes. Most of those captured were sent to the Theresienstadt concentration camp (not an extermination camp) where they received packages of food and medication from their Danish sponsors. Only 51 Jewish Danes died at Theresienstadt, with 425 survivors (some of them born in captivity) being liberated in 1945. Death rate for Denmark's Jews: less than 1%! [3]<br />
<br />
<br />
But there's more to the history lesson than how many and by what means the Danes rescued their Jewish neighbors. WHY was Denmark so different from so many other countries that allowed (or even encouraged) the slaughter of their Jewish citizens? The reason is amazingly simple:<br />
<br />
"Although the Danish authorities cooperated with the German occupation
forces, they and most Danes strongly opposed the isolation of any group
within the population, especially the well-integrated Jewish community. The German action to deport Danish Jews prompted the Danish state church and all [but one of the Danish] political parties ... to denounce the action and to pledge solidarity
with the Jewish fellow citizens. For the first time, they openly opposed
the occupation." [3]<br />
<br />
Or, as Fred Small poeticized it:<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
"We're not heroes or martyrs," so say the Danes<br />
"We were just looking after our own" [1]</blockquote>
The difference between the Danes and the majority of other Europeans was that in Denmark, Jews had been socially <b>integrated</b> into the general population such that when German invaders aimed their deadly sights at this minority group their neighbors took action to defend those they considered to be <b>their own</b> kind of people.<br />
<br />
<br />
What does that have to do with events here and now? There's a lot of value judgements still happening based on ancestry, (dis)ability, religion, sexual orientation, and gender expression... and even though we're not facing armed invaders intent on shipping our neighbors off to the gas chambers, there's still an awful lot of social, political, economical, and even physical harm that gets willfully targeted towards those who have the misfortune to find themselves labeled as an unwanted minority.<br />
<br />
For far too many, those persecutions still are a matter of life or death. The transgender community holds vigil on November 20th every year to remember those of us who have been murdered solely for being trans within the last year, and to pray that these killings will someday end. LGBT people of all ages face bullying, harassment, unstable employment and housing, and physical violence... sometimes from the very people who are legally responsible for their well-being. [Remember that news story about the mother who beat her toddler to death, thinking that if she smacked him around enough he'd stop "acting gay"? Do you have any idea how many other cases of similar abuse are happening right now, and will probably never be reported or investigated because all of the family members involved think this treatment is normal?] This constant inhumane treatment and lack of security is directly responsible for the high incidence of depression that LGBT people experience. Even when we're not facing threats of physical harm from those around us, suicide and other self-harming behaviors occur at frequencies significantly higher than those of the general population. <br />
<br />
They're not your friends or family, what does it matter to you if those dirty queers live and die miserable lives? Or maybe that suffering individual is someone you know, but you think that a brief mention of them in your prayers is all that's expected of you; faith heals all wounds, leave it all in God's hands. And you call yourself a Christian?!?! I'll skip the scriptural quotes, I'm sure you can come up with several on your own.<br />
<br />
So what does claiming that alphabet soup of fellow Children of God as <i>our own</i> look like? <a href="http://safespaces.us/">Jerilyn "Momma" Pool</a> sure is making an impressive effort at it! She also discovered that the need for compassion is much more than she can provide alone, so is soliciting assistance in following through on all those care packages; if you're completely clueless, look through her suggestions for some things you could possibly do to help.<br />
<br />
Of course, that's the detached and disconnected type of support... if you want to take up a notch, do something for somebody you know in person. Offer a hug. Invite that person or couple that your ward has rejected over for dinner. Write a note of appreciation for that person's unique strengths and talents. Share their joys and sorrows. Trade skills or knowledge. Let them play with your children. Acknowledge their relationships. Use preferred names and pronouns. Treat all of God's children with compassion and respect. Speak up when you see/hear someone else claiming divine right to persecute. Start in your own family, then expand to your neighborhood and ward. <br />
<br />
The difference between heaven or hell on earth is how we treat each other. Which do you want to live in?Sam Corbinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14943865028619775946noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5848344104603371165.post-84188026508860432602015-03-09T11:29:00.000-07:002017-03-26T12:29:34.113-07:00Letter to Area AuthorityShit hit the fan, bad enough that I've now progressed from feeling merely ignored by my local leaders to outright fear of how much punishment they're going to dish out for my violations of non-doctrinal cultural norms... and if that vengeance might extend outside the ecclesiastical realm. This letter to the area authority is my last-ditch effort to get some sanity re-asserted on the situation before I go into hiding for my own safety and that of my family.<br />
<br />
<hr />
<br />
March 8, 2015 <br />
<br />
Elder Richard J. Maynes<br />
North America Northwest Area Authority<br />
<br />
I am writing this letter in order to make you aware of a situation that the local leaders are handling very poorly, in hopes that you will be concerned enough to provide (or seek, if you are unqualified to provide personally) some much-needed direction on what the official policy is for this situation.<br />
<br />
I describe myself as transgender, with an identity that is not male or female. The only surgeries I would be interested in having are ones that cisgendered women have also: mastectomy and hysterectomy. I have never made any claim as to the gender of my spirit, but have been blessed with a set of skills and talents that do not align with the conventional binary... and which I believe God intended to be fully exercised.<br />
<br />
Local leadership has repeatedly stated that my welcome at church is conditional on my conformance to the culturally-define role of "woman" that they have assigned to me. Every time I try to initiate a discussion about where doctrine (the direction given by God, which I fully support and sustain) stops and culture (which was created by Man, and is as fallible as those who created it) begins, I receive a thoughtless recitation of the Proclamation on the Family followed by a series of pointed questions aimed at uncovering in what way(s) I am violating the commandments. Finding no violation whatsoever, they then proceed to issue a gag order forbidding me from discussing my non-binary gender experience. This routine has now been repeated with three bishops and three stake presidents presiding over three different wards over the course of the last two and a half years.<br />
<br />
There are hundreds, if not thousands, of faithful members who have been allowed to express their faith along with "I'm gay" statements on Mormon.org. Not a single "I'm transgender" profile... and that's not for lack of submissions. My profile has been in administrative limbo for two years, with no indication of who is sitting on the decision of whether or not to approve, not even an acknowledgement that the "your submission... will be reviewed in the next few days" flag has been there far in excess of that duration or a hint of if it will ever be addressed. The strategy seems to be that denying acknowledgement of trans folk's existence will make them go away so that the awkward questions about how to integrate them can be avoided... and I know more than I want to count who have taken the hint and left the church.<br />
<br />
I know this isn't "the way it's always been, and the way it will always be." I was at the special event hosted by Washington Park ward in Seattle on October 19th. A trans friend and I drove from Portland to Seattle that day just to be there. It was so wonderful to be able to speak openly about our experiences, to be with others who are also marginalized and excluded by the predominant Church culture! The bishop didn't even feel a need to ask why I wanted to go to the men's 3rd-hour gathering or impose warnings of what is and isn't allowed, went straight to "Sure, anyone is welcome in Priesthood." No hostile suspicions, no intimidation tactics, just plain simple welcome and gospel discussion.<br />
<br />
It was a wonderful experience, but also an eye-opening experience as to HOW BAD my local reception is back home in Oregon. I haven't been able to stomach church attendance beyond the weekly sacrament meeting since then, and stopped going completely a month and a half ago when I realized that being surrounded by silent rejection was killing my testimony of the Gospel faster than waiting from a distance for that wonderful welcome I felt in Seattle to creep its way down to Portland. I told my bishop about the new development, and his only response was to commit to pray for me. Watch somebody drown while praying for them when you could be throwing a liferaft or attempting some other intervention... I appreciate the thought, while being astounded at the lack of accountability being displayed.<br />
<br />
Yes, I'm well aware of what the doctrine has to say on my situation: absolutely nothing.<br />
The Handbooks provide some direction on how to address members and potential members who have had or are contemplating sex reassignment surgery, although even that is in impressively vague and non-specific language. The issue of non-op transgender persons is completely omitted, which leaves local leaders free to make up rules based on their own personal biases and pass these rulings off as "doctrine". Swapping stories with other transgender members, the range encountered is frightening: everything from swift exile to quiet welcome, with the same member typically getting vastly different treatment depending on the ward/bishop. The Proclamation on the Family is selectively cited, while conveniently
overlooking the acknowledgement of varying human situations that are
specifically referenced elsewhere in the same document.<br />
<br />
My own latest round of this adventure resulted in a declaration from the Tualatin stake president that I will not be permitted to have any role that involves working with youth or children in the ward, and a very thinly veiled threat of formal church discipline if I continue to speak of my non-binary-gender identity/experience. I had Primary callings up until I moved to Beaverton and to the best of my knowledge, there has never been a single complaint about my conduct in church classes, callings, or interactions with children and youth... and yet, the mere hint that I might present a sample of faithful life which doesn't conform to "Molly Mormon" standards is grounds for punitive action. I am now terrified that these local leaders might take it a step further and "righteously" attempt to block me from working with children in non-church settings also, and wondering if it would be best for my family to not tell Church leaders what our new address is going to be after our upcoming move.<br />
<br />
I want to build genuine friendships with other church members.<br />
I want to be allowed to serve in the Church, wherever my skills/talents/abilities/knowledge/and-every-other-blessing-that-I-have-to-give are needed.<br />
I want to have open, honest discussions about what aspects of Church doctrine have been revealed and which aspects we get to wait for further revelation on.<br />
I want to show my friends and family that the Church of Jesus Christ follows God's teachings in welcoming and nourishing all of His children in their development as unique individuals.<br />
I want my children to be safe at Church, to know that they won't be subjected to the same chronic rejection that I have.<br />
I want to be respected and supported as a unique individual who has accepted a life path that many others would find disappointment in, without criticism for my "choice" to not pursue a traditional family. [It wasn't my choice, but that's a story for another day.] <br />
<br />
<br />
Unless I'm grossly mistaken in my understanding of the Gospel, these are all righteous desires... that my local church leaders are actively blocking. My efforts to address their cultural biases have somehow managed to get me labeled as a dangerous troublemaker, a potential enemy of the church that needs to be closely monitored and restrained. I honestly don't know what else I can do to break through the heap of misunderstandings involved, and hope that you will find it worthy of your time and status to provide/seek direction that will get this mess out of its current downward spiral and back on a path to resolution.<br />
<br />
Sam(antha) Corbin<br />
currently living in (but not attending) Griffith Park Ward, Beaverton Oregon Stake<br />
home purchase pending in Hedges Creek Ward, Tualatin Oregon Stake<br />
<br />
PS: I get to mail this letter to a generic address because my bishop refused to facilitate getting a proper address on it.<br />
<br />
<br />
<hr />
<br />
March 16th footnote: <br />
Additional thought on the overall subject, arrived at after mulling over what response I can/should give to the question I've gotten from so many church leaders on what I want them to do... <br />
What I want doesn't matter. I could make the most logically reasonable request possible, and you'd still refuse to comply on General Fucking Principle. In fact, me making a request, no matter how simple and reasonable, probably does more towards hardening your own heart than it does towards making any positive changes. So I'm done making requests for myself.<br />
Ask God what <u>He</u> thinks you should do. I still have enough faith in continuing revelation to commit to my own willingness to comply with what you ask me to do AFTER you've asked the true head of your church. Until then, you and I are just wasting breath arguing our theories about how things should be done.Sam Corbinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14943865028619775946noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5848344104603371165.post-66232794456156046182014-11-09T14:47:00.000-08:002014-11-17T20:53:43.943-08:00What NOT to say...I feel the need to put together a list of the most common hurtful words that trans folk encounter (from people who are at least halfway trying to be nice; the intentionally hostile comments aren't worth discussing) and explanations of why these phrases are hurtful so that the well-intentioned reader can have an opportunity to correct their language.<br />
Since the vast majority of these lines are disrespectful to other demographics in addition to the trans population, I'll also attempt to summarize the broader categories of folk who are likely to be insulted by the same wording in order to emphasize that it really would be more intelligent to avoid these lines completely rather than just being careful who you say them to.<br />
<br />
<br />
<b>"Don't worry, I'm sure it's a phase you'll grow out of."</b><br />
How long do you suppose this 'phase' takes to grow out of? After how much waiting is it reasonable to conclude that it <i>wasn't</i> 'just a phase' and that the permanent reality now needs to be acknowledged? That's a line that is somewhat reasonable to use with a child, but utterly insulting to use on an adult. Telling an adult that you expect them to 'grow out of' a transitional 'phase' is essentially saying that they're immature and that you know them better than they know themselves. Again, that <i>might</i> be true with a child, but is a ridiculous claim to make with a mentally competent adult.<br />
<br />
Even worse, this line is typically used in complete disregard to just-expressed long-term duration of the situation... which demonstrates that you weren't listening at all to what you were just told. If you're dishing out illogical advice that clearly contradicts the information you were just given, do you really expect anyone to take you seriously? That's not the way it works, so please please please don't expect us to be respectful of your opinion when you're obviously talking nonsense.<br />
<br />
Even if the subject of your commentary <i>is</i> a child, the wording above is still far from helpful. Children certainly do go through phases... but to assume that every characteristic they display will later disappear would be crazy. Children begin to show hints of their long-term personality at a very early age, long before they develop effective communication skills, so by the time a kid is old enough to articulate to you that they feel like they've got a brain-body mismatch it's not particularly likely that the condition is one they're going to outgrow. A misunderstanding/development that IS worth considering would be that a child or young adult may not yet have an adequate vocabulary to describe their experience... an example of this would be the fairly common scenario where a trans person who is sexually attracted to individuals of the same birth sex initially identifies themselves as homosexual because they're familiar with that term but not the terms transgender or transsexual, and later on in life after having been introduced to the additional categories realizes that trans is a more accurate category for them. When the person you're addressing is young (and/or has had limited communication with those of the same identity) enough that lack of established vocabulary could potentially be limiting their ability to fully express their identity, more reasonable and helpful alternative responses include "Ok, let's wait [specific duration of time] to see how your understanding of this develops" and/or "Let's do some research on people who are [title of identity in question] to see how your experiences compare with theirs."<br />
<br />
Who else would find this comment offensive? Pretty much everybody that it gets use on, including those who experience non-heterosexual attractions, and those who are pursuing any other type of alternative lifestyle (from communal living to veganism/vegetarianism to childlessness-by-choice). This line is essentially a generic one-size-fits-all "I consider what you're doing/thinking to be selfish and immature, but I'm to polite to say that out loud."<br />
<br />
<br />
<b>"I don't think there's anything unusual about you at all. There's lots of..."</b><br />
... men who like to cook.<br />
... women who like sports.<br />
... boys that play with dolls.<br />
... girls that hate pink.<br />
[... or any other trivial example of people stepping outside the established bounds of their assigned gender.]<br />
<br />
Being trans isn't about having interests that are outside the arbitrary boundaries that our culture has drawn based on gender stereotypes; it's about one's core identity, who we <i>are</i> on the inside. This identity certainly gets expressed in various ways that might or might not tend towards the behaviors and interests that are typical of those with the cis-gendered version of our identity, but healthy well-rounded human beings do not define themselves (or others) based on a checklist of stereotypical behaviors or social roles. While it is appreciated that you're open-minded enough to not initiate derogatory name calling at the first sign of cross-gender behavior, denial of another individual's expressed identity really isn't all that much better. If you find one example of cross-gender interest/experience to be unconvincing (which is fine, variability in at least a few aspects <i>is</i> normal), try asking for more examples... and accept the overwhelming list that's likely to follow.<br />
<br />
<br />
But don't let yourself get caught up in tallying up a list of cross-gender vs gender-conforming characteristics, because identity isn't about whether one's outward behavior and interests is closer to the male norm or the female one. It's about being (or not) comfortable living in a body that has a particular set of anatomy, and having permission (or not) to interact with other human beings in a manner that's consistent with one's inner identity. It's about looking in the mirror and seeing (or not) a reflected image that one recognizes as "me". No amount of tallying external expressions can quantify that internal experience of oneself.<br />
<br />
The problem with these statements which recognize and validate deviation from
the accepted behavioral binary, is that they are simultaneously <i>reinforcing</i>
the stereotype that you are noting an acceptable deviation from;
listing variations that are acceptable implies that there are other
variations which are not so. If one has the attitude that a particular
action or interest is genuinely a valid pursuit for all persons of
any/all gender(s), one doesn't give stereotypes on that matter
recognition at all. If cooking is a good skill for anyone to have, the
commentary on a cook's gender/sex is unnecessarily drawing attention to
an aspect of that person that is completely and impolitely irrelevant.<br />
<br />
Case
study example from my own life: I am a licensed engineer who happens to
also have a female body, in a field of engineering that has an
approximately 9:1 male-to-female ratio. My female presentation gets
commented on A LOT... and while nobody has ever said anything blatantly
derogatory about my role as a female engineer, I wince at every single
one of those claim of admiration for my being a female engineer. Why?
Because my sexual anatomy is not something that should be getting openly
discussed with near-strangers that I happen to be encounter in a
professional setting... and yet, all commentary on my apparent
femaleness is a thinly veiled version of exactly that, a type of sexual
harassment that is widely tolerated only because it isn't dished out
with deliberate hostility. And while I'm probably more sensitive to commentary on my status as a female engineer than others with the same role due to my trans identity, I'm seriously doubt that cis-female engineers appreciate constant reminders of their minority status either.<br />
<br />
<br />
Who else is harmed by this confusion of external expressions
of cross-gender behavior/interests with gender identity? Everyone who
has interests and/or skills that happen to fall outside their gender's
box (which is normal... so essentially <i>everyone</i>). When
score-keeping is happening on who is following the expected list of
stereotypical behaviors to what degree (even if it's on a subconscious
level), there's a strong incentive to adjust the frequency or publicity
of the behaviors being tallied accordingly. Some people will express
their displeasure with the system by deliberately breaking the social
"rules", while most will quietly suppress and/or conceal aspects of
themselves that are counting against them on that virtual scorecard.
Both of these approaches deny the individual (and the community) the
benefit of all God-given talents being fully developed and put to good
use. The only way you're going to be able to really see someone as they <i>are</i> is to stop comparing them to the default set of stereotypes and start seeing them as a unique individual.<br />
<br />
<br />
<b>"So.. you're gay?"</b><br />
or<br />
<b>"You're not trans, you're just gay."</b><br />
Two unfortunately common expressions of the same fundamental misunderstanding, confusing sexual orientation/attraction with sexual identity. These are separate characteristics of individual human beings that would be recognized as completely independent of each other if we weren't so stuck on defining sexual attraction as relative to one's own sex. Our hetero-normative culture has defined "heterosexual" as "attraction to the opposite sex" and "homosexual" as "attraction to the same sex" (with use of the terms "sex" and "gender" interchangeably)... which works just fine until you start trying to apply these labels to someone whose gender identity doesn't match their sex (or used to not match, but does now thanks to having received gender-conforming surgery).<br />
<br />
Is a male-identified person with a female body who is attracted to female-bodied people a lesbian or a straight man? Obviously that's primarily a function of whether you recognize this person as a man or a woman, since there's no question of what category of people they find themselves attracted to. And the matter gets even more mucky if said individual sometimes presents themselves as male and sometimes presents themselves as female. Again, I want to emphasize that who this individual is attracted to is clear, but with the baseline reference that's necessary for the accepted terms for describing physical attraction ("heterosexual" and "homosexual") being somewhat ambiguous, both of those terms become not very helpful in communicating what they were intended to convey.<br />
<br />
A good general rule for these situations would be to just avoid using hetero-normative terms (heterosexual, homosexual, gay, straight) completely... in addition to avoiding attempts to discuss aspects of someone else's private life that are really none of your business in the first place. Where references to a trans individual's sexuality are warranted (such as informing a mutual acquaintance why trying to set them up for a date with a particular other individual would/wouldn't be worth doing), wording such as "not attracted to men" gets the point across just fine without getting into the unnecessary private details. This wording also works well for truthful-but-not-outing references to non-binary sexual identities (bisexual, pansexual, asexual, etc).<br />
<br />
If the trans individual initiates use of hetero-normative language sexuality terms in reference to themselves, it's fine to follow their example in application of those terms... but don't go trying to assign sexuality labels to them; if you're guessing, there's a high chance that you've got it offensively wrong.<br />
<br />
<br />
<b>"You are a daughter/son of God."</b><br />
That statement is just fine when selected in agreement with the target's gender identity; when used in direct conflict with their identity, it's a blatant denial of that identity. You may have intended it as a reinforcement of belief in divine love for the individual, but when you use the wrong gender term with regards to a trans individual it conveys your belief (and a false claim that <i>all</i> other members agree with you) that one's birth sex is the end-all determinant of spirit gender.<br />
<br />
Unless you've been given the Gift of Spiritual Gender Discernment, you have no business making claims that you know the <i>true</i> gender of any individual other than yourself. Nor do you have any business quoting "The Family: A Proclamation to the World" or any other extant Church scripture or statement in support of such a claim, because while those sources do establish that male and female spirits exist, there is <i>no official doctrine</i> on how to define the gender of each unique individual. Cases of spirit gender opposite one's sex assigned at birth <i>have</i> been recognized by the First Presidency for a few individuals, so the common claim that no such recognitions will ever happen has already been proven false.<br />
<br />
That being said, you don't need to accept that any particular individual has a spirit gender contrary to their birth sex in order to maintain civility. It's fine to acknowledge that such information is not verifiable at this time, with faith that it will be made clear at some point in the future... and while gender neutral pronouns can be awkward for everyday language, this particular statement has a gender-neutral version already in circulation: "You are a <i>child</i> of God." With a simple substitution of just one word, all of the positive connotations you intended are retained while all of the negative connotations are discarded!<br />
<br />
<br />
<b>"Just keep the commandments."</b><br />
There are two huge problems with this piece of advice:<br />
<br />
1) The direction to "keep the commandments" implies that your target audience is <i>not</i> currently doing so. This is insulting to those who actually <i>are</i>, particularly when accompanied by other statements that imply suspicion of specific commandment violations (the Law of Chastity is the one I most often hear mentioned in the same breath). Opening up to discussion of something as misunderstood as the trans experience is difficult enough already, don't make it worse by tossing in false accusations!<br />
<br />
2) The suggestion to "<i>just</i> keep the commandments" puts responsibility (i.e. blame) on the individual receiving said advice. Any improvement in the situation is assumed to be the result of the individuals faithful devotions, and lack thereof is assumed to be simply said individual not trying hard enough. This emphasis on spiritual responsibilities actively discourages the individual from seeking help and support (such as from professionals with applicable credentials or peers with similar experiences) or more understanding in relationships with those who have been making hurtful statements/claims (such as family members and local Church leaders).<br />
<br />
While keeping the commandments is certainly an exercise worthy of more attention from <i>all</i> of us imperfect mortals, it's not a particularly good blanket-fix for problems that are largely outside the individual's scope of control. Would you give this advice to a woman needing safety from an abusive husband? A father struggling to find employment adequate for support of his family? A young single adult fighting crippling depression? Not preceded by a "just..."! Like any other complex situation, supporting a trans individual requires asking enough questions to gain some basic understanding of what the problems being faced are and then referring to appropriate resources. Doing that <i>first</i>, and then following it with "<i>and continue striving to</i> keep the commandments" would be much more appropriate!<br />
<br />
<br />
<b>"Don't you want children?"</b><br />
or the less-often-heard versions that the above question is the "polite" edit of: <br />
<b>"But I want grandchildren!"</b><br />
<b>"You're not going to reproduce? Don't you see how happy I am centering my life around my children? How selfish of you!"</b><br />
First off, let's review what Church policy on child production is:<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
The decision as to how many children to have and when to have them is extremely intimate and private and should be left between the couple and the Lord. Church members should not judge one another in this matter. (<a href="https://www.lds.org/handbook/handbook-2-administering-the-church/selected-church-policies?lang=eng">Handbook 2, 21</a>.4.4)</blockquote>
Yep, that "more is always better" stereotype and the labeling of those who don't pop out a minivan full as "selfish" are cultural relics that are in direct conflict with current direction from those we sustain as prophets, seers, and revelators. <br />
<br />
Second, let's look at what the motivations behind these statements are...<br />
The would-be-grandparent is more concerned for their own comfort and enjoyment than that of their offspring, the target of their complaint. They have set an expectation that somebody else will take on the struggles and responsibilities necessary for them to enjoy what they have defined to be the proper retirement life, rather than taking action on their own to ensure that goal is met.<br />
The similarly aged parent is projecting their own experience and motivations, assuming that the target of their remarks has the same level of opportunity (both in partnership and ability to tolerate the process of creating children) as they do. They see their own approach to family life as the only one worthy of consideration, and are reinforcing this belief by looking down their nose at all others.<br />
Neither of these commentators has paused to consider what reasons the target of their criticisms might have for not reproducing; it is assumed that child-production is a relatively simple matter for all, and that every parent will find the process to be enjoyable far in excess of the pain and challenges involved. They have leveled an accusation of selfishness at the target without bothering to check whether or not the facts of the case would support such a conclusion, and in their own motivations for doing so they are guilty of the very sin they seek to convict the other of.<br />
<br />
Third, it important to note that reproduction is not the same as parenthood. There are individuals who produce children who will be parented by someone else, either by conscious planning or by contested removal of children from an unhealthy home situation. There are parents who devote themselves to children they had no part in the production of, by accepting a step-child as their own or by adopting/fostering children from unconnected families. While there are certainly people who choose to not reproduce because they do not want to be parents, to assume that this is the only reason one would not personally reproduce is a gross insult to those who do not have an opportunity to produce natural offspring (whether it be due to lack of a suitable partner, fertility challenges, or other health issues) as well as every member of families that were created by other means.<br />
<br />
How much irreversible body change from natal hormones is a
worthwhile price to trade for the privilege of natural reproduction?
How much time is it worth spending in the local psych ward (as
opposed to being just fine while on gender-congruent hormones)? How
high of a death-by-suicide risk is reasonable? Those are the factors
we get to evaluate, on top of the “normal” pregnancy and
newborn-baby discomforts. We're happy that <i>your</i> choice to
reproduce was right for <i>you</i>, but that assumption that the
benefits <span style="font-style: normal;">always</span> outweigh the
costs really needs to stop.<br />
Sam Corbinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14943865028619775946noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5848344104603371165.post-61662774398306281502013-12-22T17:29:00.000-08:002016-02-27T18:37:16.223-08:00Links and Other Recommended ReadingThis one's probably going to be posted in incomplete state multiple times before I finally have time to finish it up (assuming that it doesn't continue to evolve forever)... for starters, I'm focusing on getting a lot of info IN the blog, and will attempt to organize and properly introduce each segment later.<br />
<br />
<hr />
<br />
General Internet:<br />
<br />
<a href="http://gendertree.com/" target="_blank">Gender Tree</a>
is a website maintained by a member of one of the email lists I'm on,
which pays special attention to debunking of "the bible says" gender and
sex binary myths. I remember thinking it was darn cool back when I
first was given the link, although that was so many years ago that I
don't remember any details worth highlighting.<br />
<br />
<a href="http://www.pbs.org/independentlens/two-spirits/map.html#.Uq0cRzB-yH0.email" target="_blank">Two-Spirits Map</a>
is a global inventory of human cultures which recognize genders outside
the male-female binary. There's a number of other lists of this type
out there, but this is the most comprehensive one I've encountered by
far!<br />
<br />
Genderbread Person versions <a href="http://itspronouncedmetrosexual.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/01/Genderbread-Person.jpg" target="_blank">1.0</a> and <a href="http://itspronouncedmetrosexual.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/03/Genderbread-2.1.jpg" target="_blank">2.0</a>
are cute illustrations explaining the difference between gender
identity, sexual orientation, physical sex, and gender expression. The
first version is simpler but less accurate, the second version is more
accurate but also more complicated; tackle whichever level of complexity
you feel ready for.<br />
<br />
The Huffington Post provides <a href="http://www.huffingtonpost.com/brynn-tannehill/how-much-evidence-does-it_b_4616722.html" target="_blank">this brief list</a> of the scientific studies which have documented evidence that gender identity has a biological (rather than psychiatric) basis... and if that list isn't convincing enough for you, scroll down to the bottom of it for a link to more.<br />
<br />
Leading LDS produced <a href="http://leadinglds.com/how-to-support-transgender-members-in-your-lds-ward/" target="_blank">a podcast</a> with tips for local LDS leaders on how to welcome and respect transgender people in their wards and branches.<br />
<br />
<hr />
<br />
Other Blogs:<br />
<br />
<a href="http://trans-fusion.blogspot.com/" target="_blank">Trans-Fusion</a> and <a href="http://intersexroadshow.blogspot.com/" target="_blank">Intersex Roadshow</a> are blogs by Cary Gabriel Costello, focusing on trans issues and intersex issues respectively. Costello's writings put a "real" face on both the trans and intersex experiences, and do an excellent job of covering the technical information and philosophical questions involved in a concise and easy-to-read manner. I haven't read the full history of either blog, but would specifically like to call attention to a few of the entries that I have read:<br />
<a href="http://trans-fusion.blogspot.com/2013/07/on-teaching-trans-gender.html" target="_blank">On Teaching (Trans) Gender</a> delves into the realm of institutionalized and accepted sexism by contrasting how students interact with an instructor who is perceived to be male vs an instructor who is perceived to be female (which Costello has the unusual experience of being able to directly contrast due to having experienced both).<br />
<a href="http://intersexroadshow.blogspot.com/2012/03/how-common-is-intersex-status.html" target="_blank">How Common is Intersex Status?</a> spells out the math behind 1 in 150 being a <i>conservative</i> estimate for how many modern humans are intersex... and that's just based on the number of individuals with one of two specific conditions who are assigned male at birth. Add in the individuals who are assigned female and other conditions for which numbers aren't readily available and the real frequency can reasonably be inferred to be significantly higher.<br />
<a href="http://intersexroadshow.blogspot.com/2011/01/phalloclitoris-anatomy-and-ideology.html" target="_blank">The Phalloclitoris: Anatomy and Ideology</a> critiques modern Western medicine's technical illustrations of "normal" genitals as deliberately inaccurate and "we must fix it!" attitude towards intersex genitals as recklessly destructive. <br />
<a href="http://intersexroadshow.blogspot.com/2010/10/comment-on-wear-purple-day.html" target="_blank">Does It Get Better?</a> includes heart-wrenching details of the ongoing harassment that Costello's wife (an individual who is also both trans and intersex) is subjected to on an ordinary, every-day basis thanks to the after-effects of childhood medical treatments that were inflicted in an attempt to override her expressed identity.<br />
<br />
<a href="http://ldsgender.wordpress.com/" target="_blank">LDS Gender</a> is a blog maintained by someone that I'm acquainted with through two different email lists that are specifically for people who are both LDS and trans/intersex. The blog is specifically aimed at an LDS audience, presenting information on trans and intersex issues within the context of LDS beliefs.<br />
<br />
Countering the general understanding that all Mormons are idiotically conservative (or at least forced to keep quiet on their liberal views), <a href="http://www.feministmormonhousewives.org/" target="_blank">Feminist Mormon Housewives</a> covers more material than even <i>I</i> would ever attempt to keep up with. Unfortunately the site also attracts a lot of REALLY nasty trolls, so I don't recommend reading the comments that get posted; just read the blog entries themselves, and skip the garbage below. One FMH entry in particular that I did find expressin<span id="goog_2136092134"></span><a href="https://www.blogger.com/"></a><span id="goog_2136092135"></span>g my own thoughts & feelings quite well was <a href="http://www.feministmormonhousewives.org/2013/10/when-you-ask-for-bread-and-receive-a-stone-forgiving-our-leaders-and-ourselves/" target="_blank">When you ask for bread and receive a stone. Forgiving Our Leaders and Finding Ourselves.</a><br />
<br />
I haven't read any of <a href="http://apurplepicketfence.blogspot.com/" target="_blank">A Purple Picket Fence</a>, although that's on my to-do list... if I ever get around to it, I'll come back and provide commentary on that one too.<br />
<br />
<hr />
<br />
Books:<br />
<br />
<b>Whipping Girl</b>, by Julia
Serano - Written by a transwoman about her experiences with both the
transition process and the prejudices that she encountered at all stages
along the way. Although written from the perspective of a transwoman, I
found it to contain a lot of great insights into American society's
expectations of female-appearing persons in general (which is applicable
to the lives of ciswomen, post-transition transwomen, pre-transition
transmen, and persons like myself with a female body and non-binary
identity).<br />
<br />
<br />
<b>Evolution's Rainbow</b>, by
Joan Roughgarden - Roughgarden, a biologist, was invited by Oregon State
University's zoology department to give a presentation on campus back
when I was attending the school, which was how I encountered her and her
first book. Evolution's Rainbow thoroughly explores the full spectrum
of sexual reproduction modes within the animal kingdoms (including a
number of species that have more than two sexes or that can change sex
as needed), and human cultures from across the globe that recognize more
than two genders, thoroughly debunking the myth of a universal
male-female binary.<br />
Roughgarden has since published a second book
addressing how she reconciles the realities of biological diversity with
her Christian faith, which I want to but have not yet had occasion to
purchase and read.<br />
<br />
[I own copies of both Whipping Girl and the 2004 edition of Evolution's Rainbow, which are available for local borrowing.]Sam Corbinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14943865028619775946noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5848344104603371165.post-12854982834435749172013-10-17T09:49:00.001-07:002013-10-18T21:51:20.614-07:00What it feels like to have the wrong hormonesHere's a re-post of a message I typed up for the Transgendered & Intersex Mormons email list illustrating what hormones-gone-wrong looks like, for the purposes of explaining why one might benefit from taking the hormones without transitioning. My story is unusual only in the availability of gory details... for reasons we don't understand, the typical trans experience with naturally produced hormones is similarly miserable although more difficult to quantify and communicate.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
Starting with PMS... I've never experienced something I would classify as "shark week" where the misery is conveniently inflicted on bystanders; I get to deal with all of it inside the isolation of my own head. One evening I'll just be completely unable to concentrate, wandering around the house trying to find some task that I can attach myself to (I'm a task-oriented person, so having something to focus on is essential to my mental comfort) and being completely unable to do so. Two days later, I'll spend an evening in an anxiety attack that doesn't even have a specific "problem" that I can try to distance myself from... it's completely generalized and detached from the logical portions of my brain. Two days after that, I'll spend an evening feeling suicidal; again, there's no trigger involved, it's completely independent of what's going on around me. I lived with that monthly cycle for close to a decade before I finally figured out what was causing the seemingly random mood swings and got my psychiatrist to prescribe birth control pills which finally put a stop to it.<br />
<br />
Endometriosis... Ever had a bad flu bug that flushed your digestive system out in BOTH DIRECTIONS simultaneously? How'd you like to experience that every month? I have. Oh, and on top of that the typical experience included pain so intense that I was too weak to walk for the worst half hour or so of it (gradually tapering up to and down from that before and after). I've got a handful of memorable stories from that, with the rest having been similarly bad but not unique enough to be worth retelling. For a few months, I attempted to not have anything in my stomach by not eating anything after my period started... I'd still end up vomiting the still-identifiable contents of the previous day's lunch. There was the time at my dad's house (I was living in his garage at the time) that I made it into the bathroom to do my puking, got about half of it in the toilet and the other half smeared all over the toilet and surrounding floor, and afterwards managed to muster just enough energy to literally CRAWL to _Dad's_ bed (only one room away, no way in hell I was going to try for my own) and then it took me THREE TRIES to raise my voice loud enough to get Dad's attention (another one room away) so he knew to go clean up the mess I'd made. And the time where it hit at school, during surveying class... I made an exit from class to the restroom in the middle of the instructor's direction on what we were to do for our lab assignment, sat in the restroom by myself for a while feeling progressively worse, finally texted my BF (also an engineering student at the same school) a request to have the department secretary come check on me... well, he was concerned enough that he came in himself; a bit later when I was feeling good enough to stand up, he walked back to the classroom with me (just to get my stuff, my condition was still nowhere near good enough to go practice field surveying) and then gave me a ride to his place so I could rest there.<br />
<br />
Something else beyond that which has evaded medical definition... So that monthly puking my guts up stopped when I got on birth control. For a few years. Then it gradually came back, during the placebo week of the birth control pills, despite not having ANY associated bleeding. My wonderful (LDS bishop, but not mine) gynecologist commented "wow, your body really doesn't like its own estrogen" and directed me to switch to taking the birth control continuously (skip the placebo week and just start on the next pack in order to completely eliminate the hormone cycle).<br />
<br />
The hormones still escape their bounds... last fall I had an incident where due to my health insurance getting cranky over the non-freshness of my prescriptions at the same time that my gynecologist was on vacation, I was without the birth control for a day and a half. In the aftermath of that, I was having frequent mood swings for a week which took about a month to completely go away again, and it was MONTHS before my body stopped producing menstrual fluid and cramping at times when it wasn't supposed to. And I still have occasional rounds of the pain that I've been told is endometriosis, typically as penance for having slept in and therefor having taken my meds a few hours later than usual the day before.<br />
<br />
And on top of all of that, realize that my identity is neuter... not surprisingly, I'm not at all thrilled with the extra curves that being on birth control for such a long time has created. If I'd known about that side effect back at the beginning, I just might have tried testosterone instead of synthetic estrogen... and as it is, I'm seriously considering testing out that switch.<br />
<br />
So have I sufficiently illustrated one example of why somebody might want to take hormones without wanting to transition?<br />
<br />
<br />
<div>
</div>
Sam Corbinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14943865028619775946noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5848344104603371165.post-67260633905504801252013-07-11T10:35:00.000-07:002013-07-12T07:33:47.505-07:00What is Male? What is Female? [Part 2]While reading through a massive backlog of emails, I found a link to a video that nicely summarizes and illustrates all of the scientific reading I'd previously done on the biology of gender!<br />
[Yes, it's 26 minutes long... and yes, I do recommend this as the summary alternative to 500+ pages of reading.]<br />
<br />
Disclaimer: The video includes a lot of cartoon illustrations of reproductive organs and one small-scale, black-and-white photo of a naked CAIS subject in a stance that resembles a police lineup photo. I don't recommend watching it at work, and would suggest giving your spouse a heads up on what you're about to watch before hitting the 'play' button so they don't come to any incorrect assumptions on first glance over your shoulder. That being said, it's not pornographic in any way (unless you're a subscriber to <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Anthony_Comstock">Comstock</a>'s definition, in which case you're welcome to enjoy a life of deliberate ignorance) and <i>is</i> something I would show my children (if I had any).<br />
<br />
So yeah... watch the video, and then read the rest of this blog post.<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<br />
Now that we've established the MEDICAL nature of gender identity and all things sexual (You did watch the video, right? No cheating; do it!), lets get back to the "So what?" question.<br />
<br />
Trans people don't choose to be trans. It's a biological phenomena that, for reasons that we may never be able to precisely identify, manifests prior to birth. Note that birth is well before the age-eight LDS standard for the point at which one develops accountability for actions, which strongly suggests that a variant identity isn't inherently sinful. But there are plenty of other biologically based conditions that while being technically natural would still be a bad idea to pursue with reckless abandon, so we'll continue the discussion with an investigation of whether or not this is something that belongs on that list also.<br />
<br />
The claim that being trans is morally wrong hinges on the assumption that the sex an individual was assigned to at birth is the correct sex... but how do we know if that assignment was made correctly? Assigned sex is almost always determined based on external genitalia, assuming (correctly in many, but not all, cases) that internal sexual organs, chromosomes and brain match the external genitals. If a baby is born with ambiguous genitals then the parents and doctor might pursue investigation of internal organs and genetics; evaluation of the brain is a technology that it still in its infancy, and so the most practical tool available in that department is simply to ask the individual what gender they identify themselves as.<br />
<br />
In the typical case ("Adam" or "Eve" in Veronica Drantz' terminology), everything matches up nicely and there's no question as to whether that person is male or female. So what do we do with the oddball case where it's not so simple? When there's a clear mismatch between the various indicators, which one controls? External genitals, internal gonads, DNA, or brain/identity? [I consider the evidence that self-identity is strongly tied to brain sex to be adequate to lump those together into one variable, although you're welcome to do your own research before jumping on that bandwagon.] If we consider it necessary to properly identify an individual's real or spiritual gender, how can that determination be made reasonably and accurately?<br />
<br />
I think we can all agree that the external genitals (and secondary sex characteristics, which are created through a similar process later in life) cannot be considered as the definitive identifier of an individual's true gender in cases where other indicators are in conflict with this crude check. To claim that external appearance trumps all else would be to insist that those involuntary sex changes inflicted upon newborn infants change the individual's true nature... which is in direct conflict with both scientific and religious understanding of the nature of identity. Similarly, to claim that external appearance <i>at birth</i> is the end-all answer to how God intended the individual to be is a blatant denial of the well-documented occurrence of birth defects caused by neonatal exposure to man-made toxins.<br />
<br />
Internal sexual organs have a higher correlation with genetic sex than the external appearance does, typically consisting of gonads that match the genetic sex and a hybrid of male and female characteristics at the interface with external organs that are in conflict with the genetic and gonadal sex. In that sense, arguments related to the internal organs would be a hybrid of the claims related to genetic sex and claims related to external appearance, with the respective validity of each being discussed elsewhere in this post. <br />
<br />
That leaves genetic sex and brain sex / self identity as the remaining options for how we might go about conclusively determining the true gender of an individual. For those who believe in such things, it's generally agreed that an individual's spiritual essence becomes associated with the physical body sometime between conception and birth. If this event occurs at or soon after conception, then it would be reasonable to assume that the gender of the spirit matches the genetic sex of the body and that all other conflicts that might be present later are the direct result of the evils of the world. If the spirit enters the body at or soon before birth, then it would be reasonable to assume that the gender of the spirit matches the sex of the now-developed infant brain and that the self-perception expressed later in life are an expression of the individual's spiritual nature. But which of those is it? In answer to that last question, I cite <a href="https://www.lds.org/handbook/handbook-2-administering-the-church/selected-church-policies?lang=eng#21.3.10">Section 21.3.10</a> of "<a href="https://www.lds.org/handbook/handbook-2-administering-the-church">Handbook 2: Administering the Church</a>" (for the non-LDS folks, this is one of the official documents that spell out how to handle practically every imaginable scenario that might come up for administration of LDS policies):<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<b>It is a fact that a child has life before birth. However, there is no direct revelation on when the spirit enters the body.</b></blockquote>
And so all attempts to logically determine a one-size-fits-all formula for how to determine an individual's true gender go down in flames. If we believe that each individual <i>has</i> a true gender that is of a spiritual nature, then it would generally be morally ethical for them to behave and present in keeping with that spirit gender and morally objectionable to behave and present in a manner contrary to their spirit gender... but we can't even begin to assess which side of the binary would be appropriate for a given individual without first knowing the gender of their spirit, and there's no objective way to test or deduce what that spirit gender is for people who are born with a medically documentable intersex condition. [Note my use of "document<i>able</i>" rather than "document<i>ed</i>"... the intersex condition is there regardless of whether or not we're bright enough to go looking for it; discovery of an intersex condition merely changes our understanding of the situation, not the nature of the individual in question.]<br />
<br />
So in the case of a trans person, is transition to life as one's identified gender a sinful denial of divine designation or an acceptable expression of one's true inner self? Some of my readers will find this to be a very difficult challenge, but it's time to recognize that the situation is nowhere near as simple as we might like it to be and admit "I don't know." Maybe transition is always wrong, maybe it's always right, maybe it's sometimes wrong and sometimes right depending on individual circumstances (I tend to lean towards that last possibility).<br />
<br />
In my humble opinion, that's a matter than can only be resolved by personal revelation on a case-by-case basis... and in keeping with the principles of authority required for receiving of revelation, that knowledge is most likely going to be given first to the affected individual and as a secondary confirmation to family members, church leaders, and friends. Determination of individual gender is not "a matter that affects the whole Church" any more than the size and configuration of your genitals is, although Church policies related to individuals for whom gender and apparent sex do not align certainly would be. While certain individuals have had their non-apparent gender confirmed by the First Presidency, such revelation was not a broad Church-wide direction; it was a confirmation to appointed leaders that the impression the affected individual had previously received really was divine in nature. As to what place(s) trans and intersex people might be eligible for in God's kingdom (both here on Earth and in the next life), that's a question we eagerly await direction from the First Presidency on. Sam Corbinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14943865028619775946noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5848344104603371165.post-41359271881482287182013-06-26T19:29:00.001-07:002013-07-14T17:42:06.940-07:00Letter to LeadershipI realized my blog has grown beyond the realm of conciseness in explaining my situation, so felt the need to write a summary letter to church authorities rather than expect them to read all of my blog... here's the version that was given to my bishop.<br />
<br />
<hr />
<br />
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
To my inspired Church leaders:</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
Although I have a body that outwardly
appears to be female, I do not experience the expected identity as a
woman. I must acknowledge the presence of female sexual anatomy, but
the social role that is expected for a woman is something that I have
spent a good portion of my life trying and failing to properly adapt
to. In addition to being distinctly uncomfortable in all-female
settings and the female social role, the female body feels unnatural
to me as if some part of me knows it's supposed to be otherwise.</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
I am not claiming to be a man, nor do I
wish to become one or otherwise take on a masculine gender role.
Quite frankly, I'm at a bit of a loss in attempting to explain what I
consider myself to be because modern English (to the best of my
knowledge) does not have a term that I would consider to accurately
describe myself. I am me. I am Sam. I am someone who takes whatever
action is needed, regardless of whether that action happens to be
assigned to a male or female gender role by those around me. I have a
desire to care for and raise children, but not to physically produce
them. I realize that those of you who experience an identity that
matches your body have a difficult time understanding how someone
like me could see themselves as anything other than what they appear
to be... to me, there is a similar difficulty in understanding how
you can consider the issue to be so simple and obvious because my
experience of is far from simple and obvious.
</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
The body that I wish for would be one
with no sexual anatomy whatsoever, and a social role for myself
completely free of gender-based expectations. I do not propose this
as a 'higher' form of society. I see the joy that others find in
their gender-based roles and fully support their pursuit of such. I
support the Church's stance on the value of families and
childbearing. I marvel at women who are able to thrive on care of
houseful of small children, knowing that I would be woefully
inadequate for the task; if there is inferiority worthy of note
anywhere in this comparison, it would be my own for lacking that
capacity. I firmly believe that attempting to force myself into that
role would be a disaster for all involved, and that acceptance of
another (let's call it lesser) role in life is the best way for me to grow
spiritually and serve those around me.
</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
I describe myself as having a gender
identity of 'neuter', acknowledging that I have not received
revelation on the gender of my spirit and do not feel a need for such
at this time. I realize that this will seem strange to those of you
who center your life around your gender role; I believe that I have a
reasonably solid (and developing) understanding of what my role is
intended to be, and since it is not based on a gender assignment then
seeking after a gender identifier would only confuse the issue. That
being said, you are welcome to seek for confirmation of your own as
to what my spirit gender may be if you feel that such is within the
scope of your duty and authority.</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
I do not have any documentation of
having an intersex condition, but I have suspected that one would
someday be found for as long as I can remember. The symptoms of my
body's typical response to menstruation strongly suggest that one or
more aspects of my reproductive system are not as they should be, but
no investigation of my internal organs, hormone levels, or genetics
has been done as treatment based on hypothesis has thus far been
effective.
</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
I wish to remain active in the LDS
church, but the established understanding that one must subscribe to
the male/female binary in order to maintain good standing is
threatening to label me as a heretic merely for saying what I
honestly and sincerely understand to be true about my self, without
any claim whatsoever to divine knowledge or authority related to
other persons. I am puzzled as to why the Church Handbook gives quite
detailed directions on how to handle a wide variety of human
conditions, but gives no guidance on how to handle intersex and
gender-variant persons. In my communications with other members of
the LDS church who have comparable conditions, it is frightening how
often different leaders will give drastically different opinions on
the membership status and participation options of the same affected
individual. In order to establish a basis of understanding from which
authoritative decisions related to my membership and participation in
this church can be made, I believe the following questions should be
considered:</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<ul>
<li>Who has the authority to receive
revelation as to the gender of my spirit?</li>
<li>Does the gender of my spirit
automatically define the gender role(s) that I should be taking on in
this life, or might my life calling be something outside the
traditional gender binary? Who has the authority to receive revelation as to what my life calling is to be?</li>
<li>What (if any) restrictions should be
placed on the church membership and/or participation of an intersex
or otherwise gender-variant person? With so many roles within the
church organization being gender-specific, which one(s) is a
non-binary person eligible for?</li>
<li>What sins and temptations do you
suspect of me based on your understanding of my situation? Have you
checked the validity of those suspicions, and do you discard them
when evidence to the contrary is presented?</li>
<li>Would documentation of an intersex
condition change your opinion of my situation any? If so, what
qualifications would you require the medical authority providing said
documentation to have in order for you to consider the findings
valid? Should the burden of proof for the existence (or absence) of
an intersex condition fall on the individual in question or on the
church authorities who makes decisions based on the findings?</li>
</ul>
Some of these questions will likely require consultation with higher leadership authorities, as the principle of uniformity in church administration requires that the answer(s) be consistent. Others are simply a guide in identifying your own personal biases (which we all have) so that you can be better prepared to address the situation objectively and be receptive to spiritual promptings, with little or no need for you to communicate your personal answer to anyone else. If bychance this letter makes its way to the hands of the leadership group currently tasked with reviewing the experience of Church members suffering from gender dysphoria and developing an appropriate policy on how to handle these situations, my hope is that these questions will provide assistance in that policy development process. Additional information and thoughts can be found on my blog (http://darkness7light.blogspot.com).<br />
<br />
I do not expect a quick resolution of my situation, although periodic reassurance that progress is being made would be welcome as I have been struggling with increasing frequency and severity of anxiety attacks over the status of my church membership in response to an apparent stagnation of progress. My conversion to the Gospel hinged on an understanding that God (and by extension, his appointed leaders of the Church) recognizes and values the uniqueness of each individual, and supports the development of individual strengths and talents rather than expecting all of us to live the same cookie-cutter lives... and so I find it difficult to maintain faith when faced with "official" denial of value regarding the less-conventional strengths and talents that I am attempting to put to good use.<br />
<br />
Sam[antha] Corbin<br />
Springfield 2nd Ward<br />
Springfield Oregon Stake<br />
<ul>
</ul>
Sam Corbinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14943865028619775946noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5848344104603371165.post-55142295020995282042013-06-02T09:58:00.000-07:002013-11-23T11:16:46.207-08:00My Conversion StoryI volunteered to share my conversion story in Relief Society tomorrow... might as well make a blog out of it too!<br />
<br />
<br />
I was raised Methodist, although I split with all forms of organized religion as a teenager over disgust at the deliberate ignorance and helplessness that my religious peers (particularly the female ones) were busily cultivating. My standard response to the Protestant claim of "You don't go to church? You're going to go to hell!" was "Good. At least I won't have to put up with YOU there." <br />
<br />
My first exposure to the LDS church happened at a games convention in Seattle in August of 2003, from another attendee at the same event. It wasn't one of those standard missionary moments that we talk about... his faith just happened to come up in conversation, and instead of Nathaniel going out of his way to share details with me, I was the one that kept asking questions. At the end of the weekend convention, we each went home... me to Oregon, Nathaniel to Utah. We kept up the string of questions and answers over email for several months before he finally convinced me to start meeting with the missionaries, who then invited me to attend church.<br />
<br />
Once I started attending the Corvallis singles' ward, I was surprised at how many of the people there I already knew. Virginia McMakin, a peer from the karate dojo I trained at, was there. Anjai Fisher, a friend from middle school, and her little brother Devan were there. The map showing where missionaries from the ward were currently serving listed Josh Kesicker, one of my friends from high school... so THAT's why he'd always had a habit of using "fudge" instead of swear words! My parents were very puzzled by my re-association with organized religion; the best explanation I could come up with in response to their queries was "I've never been harassed by a Mormon."<br />
<br />
My first encounter with an LDS family was when I 'ran away' to Utah for a week to stay with Nathaniel's family in order to escape a flea infestation at my dad's house. I knew the stereotype of Mormon families being very patriarchal and attached to traditional gender roles, so was expecting the family to be like that. When I arrived, somebody had just unloaded a car-full of groceries and Nathaniel's dad was in the middle of putting them away; he paused his work and sat down to have a conversation with me, still holding a box of tampons. I thought 'Wow, these people are really progressive!'.<br />
<br />
Despite the ready social connections, I wasn't an easy sell. The sister missionaries went through all the pre-set discussions with me, then did it again, then started making up additional discussions. One of my favorite hobbies was "stump the missionaries", coming up with questions about LDS doctrine that they didn't know the answers to. A few of them got irritated at my obstinance, but most loved the challenge and a few have stayed in contact with me since.<br />
<br />
The rigid attachment to traditional gender roles that is so prevalent in church culture was a big obstacle to me. Many of my questions for the missionaries revolved around what degrees of variance are and are not acceptable. I remember having a fairly long discussion with Isaac Washburn, the host of our unofficial singles FHE gatherings, about church attitudes and policies towards intersex people... with the conclusion being that LDS people are content to dismiss the situation as so rare that it doesn't need to be considered; I was and still am very uncomfortable with that attitude, but kept attending.<br />
<br />
The first time I got up to speak during a sacrament testimony meeting was in the summer of 2004, after a day of searching a remote stretch of the Mary's River with my dad and Virginia's mother for Brooke Wilberger's remains ended with a crew from base miraculously showing up with no help from two-way communication at exactly the right place and time to get us off the water before a thunderstorm hit. I was confident those LDS leaders of the search had been inspired to know where to find us, although it wasn't until December of 2005 after a confrontation with the missionaries that ended with them getting up and walking out on our scheduled discussion that I decided I was ready to get baptized.<br />
<br />
I made a point of inviting Allison, a transwoman that I'd been friends with in high school prior to her transition, and her girlfriend to my baptism. Not as a public political statement... this was my own personal demonstration to my friends that even though I was joining the LDS church, I was not going to turn my back on my queer friends. Allison was absolutely terrified of being recognized and confronted by people that we'd gone to grade school with, but was brave enough to attend and was able to make a quick escape afterwards without any drama.<br />
Not too long afterwards, I happened to be with Allison on a Winco errand when we ran into one of her former friends who was also a member of my ward... Allison was recognized, and although the LDS guy was technically polite in his conversation, he insisted on continuing to use Allison's former name even after having been repeatedly told her new name. Allison kept up appearances until we got back to her apartment, but I was there to see the tears that came from that rejection. This was only a few weeks before the guy left on his mission, and after his missionary farewell talk in sacrament I felt the need to make sure he knew how much pain his words had caused before he left... I caught him in the hallway and told him how much that simple refusal to use the correct name had hurt my friend; he didn't get it, just kept repeating claims of respect for "the man [Allison] used to be".<br />
I suppose one could say that was the start of my careful differentiation between church doctrine and church culture... the doctrine is given to us by God who individually loves and cares for each of his widely diverse children, the culture is man-made and fickle on who is worth caring about. When it comes to my association with the LDS church, I make no secret of the fact that I attend church with you each Sunday... and then go elsewhere to spend time with my real friends.<br />
<br />
I didn't get to enjoy my time in the singles ward for very long. I started working full-time in my chosen career field (structural engineering) the same month that I was baptized, and moved to Springfield in order to reduce my commute time a little less than a year later. Although I wasn't even halfway through my 20's, being a home owner in addition to working full time and being solely responsible for care of my four-legged 'kid' meant that I quickly developed a level of maturity that didn't find much amusement in the activities geared towards college students. Julie Andrus found me crying in the restroom one Sunday over this conflict and took me to meet with her husband, then the branch president of the Springfield YSA unit. Craig asked if I would rather be in the family ward... "oh, please, can I?!? I didn't realize that was allowed!" Thus started my participation in the family ward as a 24-year-old single, childless adult. Being in a family ward without having a family certainly has its sad moments, but I've never regretted that early transition.<br />
<br />
Independent living has brought additional testimony-building experiences. I've been blessed for applying the principles of food storage to other household supplies, such as dog food and heating pellets. After separating from my husband when I was relying on my father for financial support, there was one month that his objections to the divorce escalated to the point that I wanted to break off contact with him completely and felt horrible for needing to be polite to him in order to maintain my financial stability... somehow I ended up not needing money from him that month, which I believe was a blessing earned by maintaining my status as a full tithe payer. A timely layoff from my previous job saved me from needing to maintain job performance during an ugly separation and divorce, and also allowed me to resume schooling that had been on hold since I completed my first degree... and the new job that I was hired at almost a year later is one that allows me to continue my pursuit of higher education.<br />
<br />
Through all of this, it has become painfully obvious that what I am and what Mormon men look for in a wife are pretty much mutually incompatible. You're welcome to keep your illusion that all women thrive on that traditional life, but I know that I'm grossly ill-equipped for popping out babies and being a stay-at-home parent. I've known that God had another plan for me since before I encountered the LDS church, and am continuously amazed at how he is able to make the seemingly impossible happen in support of that plan. I don't need your reassurance that God will somehow make me "normal" because I know that He made me who I am and I'm ok with being selected to fill a specific atypical need in His methods for ensuring that all of His children are cared for.<br />
<br />
Nowdays its my own identity that I find myself defending the validity of against Mormon culture instead of that of my friends. Many people would simply give up and leave the Church... but that isn't an option for me because I am even more certain of the divine guidance that is available here than I was after that timely extraction from the Mary's River almost a decade ago. I know that God provides direction both to Church leadership and to individuals and that His awareness and concern for his children is uniquely individual even when church culture is not, and I will continue to serve to the best of my ability no matter how limited the opportunities for such that are given to me are.Sam Corbinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14943865028619775946noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5848344104603371165.post-82750208497841191452013-05-06T18:01:00.002-07:002016-03-27T19:20:24.521-07:00What is Male? What is Female? [Part 1]There's no denying that male and female conditions exist, both in biology and in man-made systems. In most cases it's pretty obvious which category a given specimen should be classified as. A lot of people would like to write off the few that aren't easily classified as a fluke of nature, something that doesn't warrant consideration. Well, personally I'm kinda offended at the idea that I shouldn't exist and therefor don't matter. But going off on personal identity and human sexuality would just cause a ruckus without any real gain in shared understanding... so I'm going to explore the issue using terms and illustrations that are fair game for display at your local hardware store.<br />
<br />
For those of you who aren't already aware of the standard terminology used by virtually every sub-field in American industry, "male" parts are the ones that have "outie" connecting bits and "female" parts are the ones that have "innie" connecting bits. Probably the most common example of this is a typical threaded connection... the shaft with external threads (bolt, threaded stud, etc) is the "male" side and the larger-diameter part with internal threads (nut, sheathing, etc) is the "female" part. There's also a vast multitude of mundane examples, such as plug-and-socket connections (glancing at the phone cord connection on my desktop phone right now as an example) and the hook-and-eye interface of Velcro. Even a simple glued-connection system such as PVC pipe has a smaller diameter typical (male) section that fits into a larger diameter (female) hole in the connecting parts. Each has a male side and a female side, and in order to get a connection you need one of each. Two male parts aren't going to work, and neither would two female parts. You can get adapters, but those are essentially just two more parts of the "sex" that you're missing that interface with the two that you do have. <br />
<br />
I can understand human relationships in those terms. I'm not denying the existence of male and female, or the mechanism of what does and doesn't work for a typical interface. The part I feel the need to question is whether or not that narrowly defined male/female standard is the ONLY type of connection available.<br />
<br />
<br />
Let's wander over to the electronics section for my first example of a connector that doesn't neatly fit the male/female binary: <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Coax">Coaxial cables</a> have two concentric conducting elements (as opposed to parallel or twisted wires in the types of wiring that you're probably more familiar with). With concentric conductors involved in the connection, it's no surprise that the connectors have two concentric connecting interfaces... and where it gets interesting is the fact that these connectors typically have the male/female orientation of the two interfaces flipped. So a typical coax connector has a male interface for the center conductor paired with a female interface for the outer shield, OR a female interface for the center conductor paired with a male interface for the outer shield. So how how do we know whether to call a given connector male or female, or do we call them intersexed? Well, in order to make it possible to clearly tell somebody which part to fetch for you, the electronics industry has decided that it's the interface of the center conductor that determines the sex of that part and the outer shield interface is referenced relative to that by the name of the <a href="http://www.l-com.com/coaxial-connectors">connector type</a>.<br />
<br />
Lets pretend that we don't know what that center wire is for, and we pick up a <a href="http://www.tinyosshop.com/image/cache/data/wireless/Antenna/SMA%20female%205PIN-1-600x600.jpg">female SMA connector</a>... we'd likely spot the external thread and identify this object as a male-type threaded part. Find an ordinary nut that matches the thread pitch and size, and we've got a connection! Except that this connection completely missed the center conductor, so while it might securely hold the two parts together, it's not going to conduct electricity through that center wire which defeats the entire point of the SMA connector's existence.<br />
<br />
Even worse, if we pick up a <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Male_50_ohm_SMA_connector.jpg">male SMA connector</a> we'd likely spot the internal thread and identify this object as a female-type threaded part. But that pesky center pin is in the way, so we cut/break it out and can now fasten this object onto the end of a bolt or stud! Except we now not only have a silly pointless connection, we also BROKE what was a perfectly functional part in order to make it.<br />
<br />
<br />
Now that we've discussed a connector that follows the male/female binary but in a more complex way than the standard, let's go check out the plumbing section to see if they have any hoses with <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Storz">Storz</a> connectors. This is a unique type of coupling in that there is no male part or female part... they're all the same, and they can all connect to each other. But if we didn't know that, we might ignorantly search around a bit for the connecting part that's different from the one we're holding, and when we can't find one just give up and trash it.<br />
<br />
<br />
Are these other types of connectors better than the typical male/female binary? Only in VERY limited circumstances. Standard male/female threaded parts have a huge advantage in that they're so simple and easy to identify. How many times have you tackled taking apart a device that you'd never seen the innards of before, and successfully gotten it apart and then back together just by twisting nuts and screws? There's no special knowledge required, and with the right-hand-thread standard you can even be 99+% confident that you know which way a part is going to move when you twist it in a given direction rather than having to guess-and-check that on each and every connection. The electronics industry has standardized almost all connections such that the female component of each connection is the one that supplies power to the male component, which significantly reduces the risk of electric shock to a user who comes in contact with a 'live' part. The shaft component of most male parts has an additional advantage of functioning as a pin for aligning other parts until clamped into place with the female component... can you imagine trying to change a tire on your car if you had to hold the wheel in place with one hand while trying to fit a bolt through one hole in that unsteady part into another hole in the brake assembly behind it? There's a reason that the studs are semi-permanently mounted and only the nuts come off!<br />
<br />
Complex connectors like SMAs have advantages in specialized applications, but the thinner layers of material needed to create that complexity also makes them more vulnerable to damage. Sexless couplings like Storz connectors are even more specialized, being difficult to figure out on first encounter and possibly requiring a particular tool in order to manipulate. Storz connectors are popular for fire hoses (particularly large diameter ones) because while trying to put out an active fire is a bad time to realize you just grabbed the wrong end of a hose and need to turn the whole assembly around in order to make all the necessary connections, but they have very few other practical applications.<br />
<br />
Tying this back to humanity... Am I contesting the validity of the male/female standard? Absolutely not. Am I suggesting that having one of the standard identities is somehow inferior? No, it's certainly got a wide range of circumstances in which the standard binary works quite well. Most people identify as either male or female (in agreement with what they appear to be) and seek out a companion of the opposite sex... and that works, so I have no reason to criticize it. Might there be some people who are more like coax connectors, having a non-binary personality/identity/appearance that is also valid although perhaps not quite as versatile? And might there be people out there that are completely outside the male/female binary like Storz connectors are, lacking ease of recognition but being capable of interfacing in a way that's not limited by the binary?<br />
<br />
God made people of distinct male and female types. I'll accept that. But how sure are you that those are the ONLY kinds of people he made? And even if everybody is one or the other, how many are you incorrectly gendering because you're only looking at the threaded part of the SMA connection and completely ignoring that center pin... and how many have you felt the need to break in order to make them fit your idea of what the binary should look like?Sam Corbinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14943865028619775946noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5848344104603371165.post-23517987692097530452013-03-30T22:23:00.001-07:002013-03-30T22:24:13.125-07:00What I want... and why I'm confident that it's a righteous desire.I finally took the time to browse the <a href="http://ldsvoicesofhope.org/index.php">Voice(s) of Hope</a> website today. I was expecting to find some inspiring stories of creative solutions to the stereotypical dilemma of be-faithful-to-the-church OR follow-the-gay-lifestyle. Turns out I didn't find much of that at all (although I only read 3 stories and skimmed 2 others, so it's entirely likely that it's there in plenty of other stories that I haven't read yet)... what I did find was a number of thought- and emotion-provoking statements, for which further reflection has given me a better insight into my own situation.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
First was <a href="http://ldsliving.com/story/68799-our-story-living-with-same-sex-attraction">Ty and Danielle Mansfield's story</a>... besides just being wonderfully uplifting and encouraging, theirs has the unique characteristic of having been subject to intense public scrutiny due to their engagement and marriage having happened after the publication of Ty's first book detailing his struggles with same-sex attraction. Danielle took it all in stride. Would my Dan be able to do the same, if I was publicly recognized as a trans-identified person? Dunno, guess I just get to wait and see.<br />
Embedded in their story are some great statements on the nature of sincere love, and how it differs from simple sexual attraction... in Danielle's words: <br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
I think so many people rely on their hormones and/or their emotions to drive them that they get stuck feeling for their spouse whatever those things tell them to feel. And then if they try to feel otherwise, to love their spouse more than what hormones or emotions tell them to do, they feel like they're doing their spouse a favor rather than recognizing that they hadn't understood how to truly love in the first place.</blockquote>
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
I feel sad for people who don't get it and who have reduced love and marriage to a mere shadow of what it was intended to be and how beautiful it can be. </blockquote>
and in Ty's:<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
The thing I love most about my relationship with Danielle is the friendship we share. If there's anyone who knows how to make me laugh, it's Danielle. It's one of the first things that drew me to her. We love to spend time with each other.</blockquote>
That last quote in particular brought to mind a wonderful tidbit of marriage advice that I first heard from a former co-worker:<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
It's great to be married to your best friend.</blockquote>
Because my identity is asexual and I barely experience sexual attraction, one of those nagging doubts I've lived with for so long is "Am I even capable of love?" I find the above quotes to be hearty evidence that it is entirely possible to experience love and a successful marriage without the traditional level of sexual attraction. Even in my current relationship stage with Dan, I've experienced a wonderful shift towards emotional connection that was associated with a setting aside of sexual appeals... one more piece of evidence that I'm at least headed in the right direction this time around!<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
The second story I read was <a href="http://ldsvoicesofhope.org/essay.php?v=19&e=1#.UVe8s6Dkekc">Jarrod Call's</a>. From his story of transition from struggling with what he considered to be a terrible secret to openness and acceptance, a single line jumped out at me as accurately describing the root characteristic of these situations that creates so much pain and fear:<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
[T]hroughout my life I had often told myself that people only loved me because they did not know all of me.</blockquote>
In all of my struggles with identity, depression, hormones, and every other private trouble THAT was a thought that was always present in my mind, typically making the situation an order of magnitude worse than it would have been with human support and connection. I was putting on a show pretending to be the kind of person that others wanted me to be, fully believing that if my mask were to slip for a moment then my relationships would be instantly doomed. It's a miserable existence to live a double-life like that... and even though one appears to be happy and successful on the outside, the real self inside dies a bit more every day that the suffocating mask is worn.<br />
<br />
When asked why/how it is that I'm doing so much better (not suicidal, don't need a service dog, etc) now compared to where I was at just a few years ago, I've been answering that I finally got properly medicated. Now that I'm thinking about the double-life though, I realize that I've also made a partial escape from it... I wonder if maybe that's making as much (or more) of a difference than the medication? That would explain why I feel so comfortable at Affirmation gatherings, despite being 'straight' and an active member of the LDS church (both of which are anomalous conditions in that setting)... because that is perhaps the only place I've found where I can completely drop the act of pretending to be a ciswoman and openly talk about my genderqueer real self, with people who are honestly interested in understanding my experience.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
After skimming the next two posted stories, I did a scan of the featured photos/names... and found one I recognized. <a href="http://ldsvoicesofhope.org/essay.php?v=23&e=5#.UVfCZaDkekc">Ed Hayward</a> is somebody I had previously communicated with through the North Star "Transgender, Intersex, and Gender Identity" email list, whose transdaughter is in the process of pursuing SRS. Excited to have found a story on the site that discusses trans issues, I took the time to read that one.<br />
<br />
Ed's story is a wonderful demonstration of parental love, understanding of God's love for each individual, and even church leaders who have refrained from passing judgement on the daughter's need to pursue a surgical treatment.... definitely a recommended read, even though I'm only mentioning it briefly here. The single line from his essay that I'm going to draw into my own personal discussion is:<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
When I realized that she was determined [to] walk this path and that there was no way I could stop her, I decided it would be better for me to walk it with her than have her walk it alone.</blockquote>
Drawing a connection with my discussion of the second essay... living in secret/isolation magnifies the pain of the concealed condition; the alternative is to surround oneself with people who are caring, understanding, and supportive. None of us can ever really completely understand a condition that we've never experienced... but sincere efforts to understand as much as you can and to relate whatever parallel experiences you may have really do make a world of difference.<br />
<br />
I think that's why I've been prompted to out myself at church... because it's a necessary step towards making the human connections that will benefit both my own spiritual growth and that of others who face similar situations. A brief assessment by church leadership that "there's no sin being committed, no disciplinary action is necessary, go back to business as usual" doesn't technically violate any gospel principles... but it does stymie the openness and honesty that are necessary for me to put aside the self-crippling mask and become a more temporally productive and spiritually strong member of the LDS church. I'm not asking for any policy changes or to turn everything we know upside down, I'm just asking to be the REAL me within the established system instead of maintaining an illusionary presence that benefits nobody.Sam Corbinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14943865028619775946noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5848344104603371165.post-43682655260050903952013-01-07T22:41:00.001-08:002013-02-03T13:17:53.631-08:00How I KnowTacking on the same disclaimer that went with my Google+ sharing of this one, since it's been so long without a status change... this particular blog isn't done yet; there's a number of points I need to go back and make sure I completed discussion of and it hasn't had the PCness review yet either. But there's enough good content already written that I didn't want it to sit unread in "draft" limbo for the intervening time. <br />
<br />
<hr />
<br />
The basis of all challenges to and denials of my identity essentially boils down to "You can't know that. That's so DIFFERENT, and different is always wrong. God's house is a house of order, and you are sowing disorder and dissent."<br />
<br />
Yes, I know. Different CAN be good. And those who resist the progress of God's plan are those who sow disorder and dissent... not those of us who strive to bring to pass his work in a calm and orderly manner.<br />
<br />
How do I know? Because I have seen/felt/pickwhateversenseyouthinkisappropriate God's hand in my life more times than I can count. And every single one of those times was guiding me towards being the person that I am now telling you I <b>AM</b>, not the person that you ignorantly believe me to be.<br />
<br />
God arranged for me to be born into a family that found joy and honor in taking in strays, rather than insisting on choosing to only associate with the best. God arranged for my best friend to be one of those strays, so that I could experience the peace that goes with giving a safe and stable home to a youth in need of exactly that before I had even left my parents' care. Before I even started dating, God was whispering to me that my family is to be of the type that is chosen from the spoils of the world, not the type that is magically created from nothing. I was never disappointed by health issues that will probably prevent me from ever bearing children... because I know that God never intended for me to pop out half a dozen babies. He has more than that already here waiting to be brought to my care!<br />
<br />
I was given a family that taught me to value intelligence, and never once questioned whether or not it was ok for a girl to play with building sets or for a young woman to pursue a career in engineering. I was blessed with the luxury to complete my first degree without relying on student loans, knowing full well that I had done nothing at all to make myself more worthy or deserving of this honor than any other... and that the higher power that bestowed this blessing upon me would expect me to use what I was gaining for the benefit of others who did not receive that same educational benefit.<br />
<br />
There was direct intervention on God's part (not just a prompting... somehow he MADE something that should have been impossible happen) in getting me into the right 4-year college. I had studied it out and made what I believed to be the best decision based on the limited information that I had access to.... but He knew better, and saw to it that the schooling plan got switched to what it was supposed to be AND that I received an explanation for why this was done. Eight years later when the time was right for the next stage of my formal education, His attention and care orchestrated an employment change and freedom from the husband who had succumbed to Satan's temptations such that I could continue with the schooling that is part of His plan. I'm almost 30, and in the early stages of a degree that I will probably be close to 40 by the time that I complete. I know that His plan for me includes a career outside the home because it would be absurd to put that much careful attention into giving somebody a higher education and then expect them to not use it!<br />
<br />
God gave me health issues that have protected me from men who wished to use and abuse me. I recognize and am grateful for these conditions. I also believe that they will be dismissed when they are no longer necessary.<br />
<br />
Instead of a traditional MTC-prepared mission, God selected me to reach out to many of his lost sheep at Affirmation meetings, with Kriss as my companion. I know that God loves ALL of his children, including those who have been so badly hurt by the hypocrisy that pretends to bear His name that they can no longer feel the connection to Him that they once had. I pray for the day to come soon when these dear friends will no longer feel condemned for the 'sin' of being true to themselves, and understand that it was the following accumulation of actual sins that they believed to be merely 'a drop in the bucket' that have separated them from God's love.<br />
<br />
My patriarchal blessing promises "an eternal companion" and I believe that to be entirely within God's power to provide, if I do the work that he has set before me. Maybe the fears that no Mormon man would ever accept as a partner someone as un-Mollyish as me are legitimate... if that is the case, then I guess that companion of mine doesn't need to be Mormon (yet). I believe in the blessings of eternity and that all things that are part of God's plan will come to pass. It is not my job to wonder at how or when, only to continue to work hard on the task at hand, trusting that the larger plan will become apparent when the time is right.<br />
<br />
God gave me a body that is intersex because he did not intend for me to fill the traditional female role in this life. He gave me a body that suits what it is that I <b>AM</b> supposed to be doing with this life. I do not know whether I will be intersex in the next life, and I don't see any benefit in debating what my role will be there/then. I am here now, and have been given a task; when it is completed, I will be directed on what to do next. I do not need to know what I will be doing next in order to understand what I need to do now. If you wish to know what I will be in the eternities, you are welcome to ask Him yourself... but please don't postpone the work of today in order to fret about what to do tomorrow. Have faith in God's plan, and His ability to direct the work while understanding what the future implications will be. <br />
<br />
I do not consider myself to be spiritually higher than those who do fulfill traditional gender roles. We are all working to build God's kingdom, in the manner for which we have been selected. You who follow the traditional route have a well-trodden path to follow, with many beautiful trail markings guiding you in the right direction; I get to wind my way around (and occasionally hack my way through) masses of unmapped brambles, with only a compass and the sun & stars for guidance. Your path is the right one for many, and you are blessed to travel it with them; mine is no less right, although much of it is lonely and discouraging and there are certainly many dangers. Although the trail I blaze will never be as easy or well-traveled as yours, there are others for whom this other path is right also... and the fact that I have marked the trail in my own rough way will make their travels a little bit easier than mine was; perhaps someday there will even be a few signs marking the route.<br />
<br />
I am not the only one engaged in this work; others are out there blazing trails of their own, much like the white explorers who mapped the western half of this country. Sometimes we catch sight of each other from far away and wave a 'hello' before turning back to our individual tasks. Sometimes our paths meet and we travel together for a time, sharing valuable knowledge of the terrain that we have learned along the way. Sometimes we reach an insurmountable obstacle and have to double back. Like you, we wish to reach God's presence and to bring our loved ones with us; unlike you, the many man-made toll-gates on that well-marked path do not accept the coin that we carry. Maybe someday those toll-gates will be removed, or accept other currencies... maybe they won't, and those of us who have been provided with foreign coin will continue to travel the longer, harder route. We have no way of knowing what that future will be, but we continue to press forward in our efforts as faithful Saints.Sam Corbinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14943865028619775946noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5848344104603371165.post-15480125781632613422012-11-25T15:41:00.000-08:002012-11-25T15:41:05.255-08:00What am I? Human.This one's a compilation of snippets of conversation from the North Star Gender Identity email list over the course of the last week or so.<br />
<br />
<hr />
<br />
"How does one refer to a gender-neutral person without depersonalizing them? In English "it" implies a non-sentient object, while other languages similarly derived from Latin use gendered pronouns for inanimate objects as well."<br />
<br />
The association of "it" with non-human objects is an English (or perhaps even Romance-languages) thing. It's not universal. <br />I
had a conversation with another staff member at the homeless shelter
that I volunteer at about trans issues, and she had what I found to be a
really valuable insight into this: at the time of the conversation, she
was pregnant and living with the baby's father and another friend who
are both from a culture (I didn't ask which... pacific islander?) where
babies are routinely referred to by gender-neutral pronouns. Because of
their background in another language for which such would be the norm,
both of the men regularly referred to her unborn baby as 'it' without
intending any disrespect to the infant's humanity.<br />
There are <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gender_neutral_pronoun#Summary">gender-neutral pronoun sets</a> out there, but unfortunately there's so many that none has been able to establish itself as the standard. I personally find the zie-series easiest to wrap my head around, but consider the others to be equally valid. That being said, I don't get bent out of shape over being referred to by either of the standard gendered sets... so long as I don't get the impression that it's being done in order to reinforce a "you're a woman, quit playing at being something else" message.<br />
<br />
<br />
"If you were 'fixed' in the resurrection, what would you prefer to be: male, female, or neuter or eunuch-like?"<br />
I haven't sought inspiration about what sex my resurrected self will
be, but I suspect it would be neuter; that being said, I'm open to
alternatives that God may have in mind since He is much more qualified
to predict which of the available options I would be happy with than I
am.<br />
<br />
<br />
Stealing Arcee's wonderful wording on how a non-binary person would like to be addressed:<br />
I don't want people to define me by my gender at all, but get to know
me for who I am, not what my body configuration leads you to conclude.
Don't call me Brother, don't call me Sister... please, just call me a
friend. Sam Corbinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14943865028619775946noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5848344104603371165.post-45743813733013638582012-11-20T22:51:00.001-08:002012-11-20T22:51:40.977-08:00The Nature of RevelationI'm still in that preparation stage, bracing myself for whatever hostility may surface when I finally start attending priesthood. [Yes, I'm confident that it will happen. Why? Because I know that's where I belong, and I know that God concurs... or is it that He said so and I'm concurring? Either way, I've got a higher power backing me than any opponent can produce so the end result is pretty inevitable.]<br />
<br />
The obvious objection would be to insist that barring women from attending priesthood is "the way it always has been, and the way it always will be." Yeah, sure. I love how that argument gets tossed out so often in a church that prides itself on the principle of continuing revelation. I'm not saying that the entire Gospel is going to turn itself inside out, but the progression of further enlightenment and understanding is (at least among those who actually live their religion) well established and even expected.<br />
<br />
I've been thinking and planning... I've already printed out the handout cards with a brief summary and link to the blog, and have counterarguments to the most anticipated protests planned out. Tonight in my Ensign reading, I came across a <a href="http://www.lds.org/ensign/2011/11/personal-revelation-and-testimony?lang=eng">talk</a> by Barbara Thompson during the October 2011 General Conference that puts it much better than I possibly could have:<br />
<br />
"Have ye inquired of the Lord?" [1 Nephi 15:7]<br />
"If ye will not harden your hearts, and ask me in faith, believing that ye shall receive, with diligence in keeping my commandments, surely these things shall be made known unto you." [1 Nephi 15:11]<br />
"The way to receive personal revelation is really quite clear. We need to desire to receive revelation, we must not harden our hearts, and then we need to ask in faith, truly believe that we will receive an answer, and then diligently keep the commandments of God."<br />
<br />
I've done exactly that; have you? If not, you have no stand from which to criticize me for claiming false revelation. Try it. Entertain the possibility that a smidgen of what I've said and written is true, and sit down to ponder and pray about it. I think you'll be surprised at the outcome. I don't expect you to suddenly agree with me on everything (and I'm even willing to believe that you might get some direction on how to straighten me out), but I know that He can and does provide direction and enlightenment to those who honestly seek it. What do you have to lose?Sam Corbinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14943865028619775946noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5848344104603371165.post-71683396172034900862012-11-17T15:12:00.003-08:002013-08-12T22:24:24.724-07:00IntroductionIn preparation for outing myself at church this is one more fill-in-the-gaps blog, this one mostly a combination of FAQ and vocabulary/conceptual introduction. Feel free to read my blog in whatever order you wish, although the recommended sequence for a newcomer would be this one first then jump back to "Coming Out (in a way)" and read in sequence of posting from there.<br />
<br />
<br />
<hr />
<br />
Staring with vocabulary:<br />
<br />
"Sex" is the physical anatomy that somebody has. Unless they happen to have changed clothes in front of you at some point, you really have no idea what sex the people around you are; you're just making an educated guess. Even if you have seen another person completely naked, you've still only seen half of their sexual anatomy because there are a number of internal organs that display sexual dimorphism (male/female differences).<br />
<br />
"Primary" sexual characteristics are the ones that are determined through genetics by the fewest developmental links, such as whether one has testes or ovaries and whether one has a penis or a vagina.<br />
<br />
"Secondary" sexual characteristics are the ones that are developed in response to active hormone levels during puberty, such as breasts, facial hair, and voice pitch. Note that the degree to which secondary sexual characteristics are present varies widely in both men and women, so interpretation of observed secondary sexual characteristics is highly subjective.<br />
<br />
An "intersex" person is someone in whom the organs that have
sexual dimorphism don't all follow the same male/female pattern. How
common this is depends on which organs one considers as valid for
comparison and what range of variation is defined as "normal", but I'll
cite 1 in 100 as the number of modern humans who have some type of
intersex condition. Intersex conditions that involve ambiguous genitalia are generally diagnosed at birth. Intersex conditions that involve a conflict between primary and secondary characteristics are generally diagnosed when the secondary characteristics appear during puberty. Intersex conditions that involve a conflict between external and internal organs generally go undiagnosed until some type of dysfunction (such as infertility) is noticed. Until the invention of modern medical imaging technology, intersex conditions of this type were rarely discovered except during autopsy. Even with modern imaging technology, there is no standard screening process and the multitude of possible intersex conditions makes it impossible to confidently rule out all intersex conditions in a given individual... one can only test for and confirm the presence or absence of specific conditions.<br />
<br />
"Presentation" is which of the social standards related to the theoretical male/female binary a person follows, such as clothing, hair style, and jewelry.<br />
<br />
"Gendering" is the practice of assigning a male/female identity to somebody that you have just met. Because primary sexual characteristics are rarely exposed, this is generally based on a combination of presentation and secondary sexual characteristics. We live in a culture that puts a lot of emphasis on correctly gendering others, so tend to obsessively observe a stranger's presentation and secondary sexual characteristics until we are confident in our assessment.<br />
<br />
A person's "gender" is whether they consider themselves to be male or female. An intersex persons might see themselves as male, female, or non-binary (both, neither, etc) and their gender does not necessarily agree with the visible external sexual characteristics. Scientific study of both cadavers and fMRI imaging of live persons has found a very strong correlation between gender and sexual dimorphism of the brain, even when all other sexual characteristics indicate a sex that is different from that person's gender. This specific type of intersex condition is commonly referred to as "transgender" or "transsexual" (there is a difference in definition between these two terms, but for now I'll treat them as interchangeable and use 'trans' as the shortened version of both).<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
Ok, that should give you a reasonably solid vocabulary related to intersex/trans issues. FAQ time!<br />
<br />
"Blasphemy! God doesn't make mistakes!"<br />
I never said that he did. Birth defects of more types than I want to take the time to list are an undeniable reality of this mortal existence. Some of them we can point to an environmental cause for, some of them the individual receives personal revelation related to the reason for the condition, but most will remain a mystery for the duration of this life. Acknowledging intersex and trans conditions is no more of a challenge to God's divinity than acknowledgement of any other birth defect.<br />
<br />
"Are you gay or straight?"<br />
None of your business, and completely irrelevant... but I'll answer the question anyways. I am attracted to men, not women.<br />
<br />
"That's not a legitimate condition! It's a sexual perversion!"<br />
Pull your head out of your ass and look at the facts. Most of the logic that connect trans issues to sexual perversion derive from Sigmund Freud's theories on human sexuality, which have about as much relevance to modern understanding of psychology as the Levitical law does to modern Christianity. Modern science has done an amazing job of demonstrating that the trans experience has a legitimate biological base, and the claim that "God only made man and woman, not anything else in between" is conveniently overlooking the very real occurrence of visibly intersex conditions. I make no claims as to which persons have male spirits and which have female spirits because that's a personal matter for each individual, nor do I suggest that the percentage of people whose spirits don't match external appearance is large, but the commonly held belief that one can always correctly gender another's spirit based off of secondary sexual characteristics is completely absurd. <br />
<br />
"But you LOOK perfectly female! Wouldn't there be some visual evidence of testosterone if you were really intersex?"<br />
I've been taking synthetic estrogen (in the form of birth control pills) for almost a decade now, in order to prevent my body from producing its own estrogen (which I have some impressively negative physiological reactions to). That's enough externally applied estrogen to make a normal man grow breasts, and it's certainly made some changes to my body too. I'm sorry that I don't have the ability to show you what I would look like without the effect of synthetic hormones, but please factor that unintended deception into your assessment of my appearance.<br />
<br />
<br />
"How can we know you're not just making up this intersex claim for personal benefit? Where's the evidence?"<br />
What do I stand to gain from a false claim? Is Priesthood a secret society that I would find out the dirty secrets of by infiltrating the ranks of men? Would pretending to be a man get me a higher social status than simply being an honest woman? Check your own assumptions as to what might be gained by a false claim.<br />
I am advertising myself as a freak of nature, of a type that will probably lead to further ostracism. Why would I do such a thing, unless the pain of living behind a false mask is even worse?<br />
As to evidence... I am the expert on myself. I know my own thought patterns and instincts, and have a lifetime of contrasts between my own inner being and those of the men and women around me. Just like you don't need to take a standardized test in order to know your own skills and challenges, I don't need a medical test to tell me that I'm something other than what my external appearance suggests. External tests are for those who don't have the time to get to know the individual, or who don't believe the individual's self-descriptions.<br />
<br />
<br />
Now go read the rest of my blog before you ask more questions, because a lot of the answers are already there.Sam Corbinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14943865028619775946noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5848344104603371165.post-4611223338445140892012-11-04T18:58:00.000-08:002012-11-04T22:22:05.732-08:00Enlightening ExperienceThe first part of this one was written last week in an email I sent to the NorthStar trans list; remainder is the results of further reminiscing since then.<br />
<br />
<hr />
<br />
I'm in the habit of reading (usually sci-fi or fantasy) as part of my
evening wind-down routine. Last night I was up later than I wanted to be
waiting for a load of laundry to finish and happened to end with a
chapter where one of the characters gets raped by her fiance and
suddenly comes to a realization of the power/control that a woman loses
to her husband with marriage... which happens to be exactly the issue
(the power/control part, not the rape) that I'm currently experiencing a
lot of insecurity about in my own life. So I'm lying there in bed on
the verge of a meltdown wondering what I can do to restore my sense of
security enough that I can get the sleep that I desperately need, and
the thought suddenly occurs to me that my fighter's spirit having been
put into a body that attracts victimization is part of God's plan;
instant complete transition from feeling distressed to peacefully
pondering spiritual matters.<br />
<br />
I hadn't felt the need to pray about the reason/outcome of my own
spiritual mismatch, although the explanation of THAT being the answer to
something that I thought was completely unrelated was a bit of a
surprise. To me that is one more piece of evidence that there is a loving God, as well as the possibility that there really is something good at the end of all of this struggling. Since that experience, I've been sleeping MUCH better (had been very sleep deprived for about two weeks thanks to my relationship insecurities) as well as thinking more about the future and what positive action I can take to make the good things happen like they're supposed to.<br />
<br />
What sort of task might He need a fighter in a woman's body for? I don't know, although I've got some guesses. By both understanding the victim experience and having the will to fight it, I'm better able to care for a woman who has been victimized or to protect a girl from becoming a victim. There are some potentially violent situations where it's safer to send in a woman than a man because a man is seen as more of a threat and therefor more likely to upset the delicate balance that is on the verge of eruption. In both wit and physical contests, a man who underestimates the abilities of a female opponent is vulnerable to being caught off guard, giving somewhat of an advantage to a woman as opposed to an equally talented man. All of these possibilities are hypothetical of course, but something tells me there IS a reason even if I don't know exactly what it is yet.<br />
<br />
Maybe I've been reading too much swashbuckling fantasy... the image that keeps coming to mind is myself and my future husband standing back to back, both armed with swords and fighting off a massive number of enemies together while still being able to move towards our goal/target/destination. A single fighter can put his back up against a solid object and have a chance of fending off attackers from the front and sides only, but is limited in mobility by the need to stay next to that fixed object in order to not be vulnerable to attacks from behind; two fighters guarding each others backs, if practiced in working together, can enjoy a freedom of movement that a lone fighter can never experience.<br />
<br />
Now I don't know much about sword-fighting and I've probably got some major details about how it works wrong... but I'm reasonably confident that the future He has in mind for me is something similar to that (or at least whatever the digital-era equivalent is). I'm not supposed to be sitting in the grandstands waving a handkerchief and cheering/crying while the boys beat each other senseless; I'm supposed to be out there in the middle of the melee, fighting to protect myself, my husband, and our family. Right now, I'm SUPPOSED to be learning how to fight and work like a man so that I can be part of that well-practiced team when the time comes.<br />
<br />
What does that mean in the practical sense? I've been feeling that as part of the outing myself to the bishop, I should make another (was done once before several years ago) request to be allowed to attend Priesthood meetings and activities instead of Relief Society ones. The experiences and thoughts outlined above reinforce that impression. I'm not asking to be given the power of the priesthood... just to receive the same training that the men do; I understand that non-white men had a similar role prior to 1978, so it's not like that's never been done before. Interestingly, I have a similar confidence that I should continue to participate in visiting teaching; somehow that seems to be more about how the world treats us which is an experience that I share with cis-women, as opposed to how we interact with the world where my experience is more like a man's.<br />
<br />
I know this is going to be a hard concept to knock through those folks that are so attached to the gender binary. I spoke to my stake president today about stake conference arrangements (trying to get Kriss' situation partially sorted out for him, whether he wants it or not ;-P) and the subject of my own situation happened to come up, resulting in the same lecture about keeping the commandments and not giving in to temptation (citing homosexuality as an example) that I got from my bishop when I initially outed myself. Which commandments are they thinking I'm being tempted to break?!? I'm anticipating some more runaround before whatever the logical error is gets exposed and corrected, which is a necessary prerequisite to having the serious what-are-we-going-to-do-with-Sam-at-church conversation that I'd like to have. We'll see how it goes.Sam Corbinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14943865028619775946noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5848344104603371165.post-68722491191095695802012-11-04T18:28:00.000-08:002013-02-03T13:38:53.474-08:00Looking Back<div style="font-family: inherit;">
Written in July of this year while I was putting together information for a presentation to the staff at Station 7.</div>
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<span style="font-size: small;">I'm sharing my previous
two trans-related blogs with the Station 7 staff (in an educational
packet that could very well end up getting distributed much farther),
and in re-reading the other blogs noted that there's some important
background and context missing. So I'm writing another one to fill in
the gaps.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;">In the redneck rural
area that I grew up, being a tomboy was the norm. In addition to
that, being five years older than my only sibling (a sister)
justified a lot of male-typical activities with my dad (assistant
mechanic, poisoning gophers, chopping wood, etc). Somewhere around
second grade I decided that I hated dresses, and that was the end of
that... I stopped wearing them and nobody complained. I think I was
in middle school before I started to realize that the 'real world'
had gender-specific expectations, although at that point I was so
overwhelmed with trying to survive in a culture that had suddenly
lost practically all adult supervision of interactions between the
children (allowing a never-ending stream of hostility) that I didn't
really care about details like that for the next decade or so.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;">Puberty was hell. I'm
told that it is for everybody, but I'm pretty sure that my experience
of it was well outside the normal range of misery. The wider hips
were disorienting and I kept bruising myself on corners of walls and
tables because my spacial perception of myself wasn't adjusting. I
didn't want breasts, and held out as long as I could before finally
conceding to wearing a bra; and even then, I wouldn't wear anything
other than sports bras because I didn't like the bouncy feeling of
not being solidly contained.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: small;">Menstruation started,
and I hated that even more. Having to wear a 'diaper' was
humiliating, and the unpredictable bleeding didn't allow me to enjoy
my favorite water-related activities anymore. I didn't try tampons
until after I became sexually active, and even then they were
uncomfortable in the “this feels like [name of boyfriend who had a
habit of sleep depriving me to the point that I'd have sex when I
didn't want to just so I could get some sleep]” sense. And there
was the cramping and puking; every menstruation period came with
several hours of disabling cramps and my digestive system would flush
itself out in both directions. (I found out much later that part of
this is likely caused by endometriosis... which my mother knew
nothing about because I apparently got it from my dad's side of the
family) </span>
</div>
<div align="LEFT" class="western" style="font-family: inherit; font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div align="LEFT" class="western" style="font-family: inherit; font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: small;">I made no secret of how
much I hated the changes that were happening to my body, going so far
as to tell my parents and counselor that I wanted to 'rip out my
uterus'. They took that surprisingly well. My mother asked if I would
rather have a penis (looking back, I realize that was probably her
way of asking if I wanted to transition... although at the time I
wasn't aware that such a thing was possible). I sat down and
seriously thought about it. The decision (which still holds) was that
I'd rather stick with a set of social rules that I despise but at
least halfway understand than switch to another set that I would have
to start over on learning and might very well equally dislike. I
wanted (and still wish I could have) a body with no sexual anatomy
whatsoever. When I joke that I'm going to get myself a hysterectomy
and double mastectomy for a retirement present, I'm a lot more
serious than most people want to believe.</span></div>
<div align="LEFT" class="western" style="font-family: inherit; font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div align="LEFT" class="western" style="font-family: inherit; font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: small;">PMS for me is a
week-long cycle of severe anxiety, restlessness, and depression;
there are few things in life that I've encountered that are more
discouraging than knowing “four days from now I'm going to spend an
evening feeling suicidal... and there's not a damn thing I can do
about it.” Although I didn't realize that was the cause for several
years... I was in college before I made the connection between my
seemingly random mood swings and my menstrual cycle. Once that link
was identified, treatment was as simple as taking birth control pills
which block the majority of the female hormone cycle. As a bonus, the
birth control also got rid of most of the cramping and puking.</span></div>
<div align="LEFT" class="western" style="font-family: inherit; font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div align="LEFT" class="western" style="font-family: inherit; font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: small;">For the remainder of
college and my first few years out in the work force, the hormones
minded their manners. Then the puking that used to happen with each
period became the norm during the placebo week of my pills, with
little to no bleeding. When I told this to my ob/gyn, who I have to
this date not yet shared my identity with, his conclusion was “Your
body really doesn't like it's own estrogen.” (I found out later
that adverse reactions to naturally produced hormones seem to be the
norm within the trans population... and that many care providers
consider the 'hormone test' of whether or not the individual responds
better to the opposite set of hormones to be the ultimate test of
whether or not transitioning is right for that individual.)</span></div>
<div align="LEFT" class="western" style="font-family: inherit; font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div align="LEFT" class="western" style="font-family: inherit; font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: small;">Hormone treatment was
then adjusted to taking just the 'active' portions of the birth
control pills and skipping the placebo week to start a new pack right
away. This was predicted to result in a practically nonexistant
hormone cycle, with breakthrough bleeding occurring periodically that
can be dealt with by taking one placebo week in order to 'reset' the
body. For me, this is (at least very close to) the ideal condition...
no hormone cycle, no mood swings, no bleeding, no physical
discomforts; what that deep-down-inner-part of me knows is the way
it's supposed to be.</span></div>
<div align="LEFT" class="western" style="font-family: inherit; font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div align="LEFT" class="western" style="font-family: inherit; font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: small;">And of course through
all of this I'm doing the usual schooling, work, and social life that
most of us do at that age range. I was aware that I was going into a
male-dominated field, but didn't think much of it. With a family of
technically-minded people (including a programmer aunt and both
grandmothers having had occupations outside the home), I never
questioned whether there might be anything wrong with becoming an
engineer. There were women in OSU's engineering department, but most
of them seemed to be there just because their boyfriends were and
dropped out when the relationships ended; I was there for my own
benefit so wasn't interested in association with people who weren't
serious about their studies. I did make friends with several of my
male peers, and had a romantic relationship with one of them for a
while.</span></div>
<div align="LEFT" class="western" style="font-family: inherit; font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div align="LEFT" class="western" style="font-family: inherit; font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: small;">Throughout college and
my first few years in the workforce, I found myself falling into a
destructive dating pattern: In the initial relationship stages, I put
extra effort into acting feminine and submissive in order to be
attractive; once I gained confidence in the relationship, I became
more assertive and asexual... this didn't go over well. Men don't
generally handle the shock of realizing that the woman they'd been
treating as a trophy doesn't want to continue playing that role. Most
were angry and intimidating, a few even threatened violence.
Practically all of them complained that I was trying to act like a
man and/or accused me of being a lesbian.</span></div>
<div align="LEFT" class="western" style="font-family: inherit; font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div align="LEFT" class="western" style="font-family: inherit; font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: small;">After one particularly
disappointing episode of this type of rejection, I decided I'd had
enough of it... it was time to tell the world what I am, and my
attitude became “If you're going to call me queer, at least get
which KIND of queer right!” I went looking for other people like
myself, as previously discussed in the “Coming Out” blog.</span></div>
<div align="LEFT" class="western" style="font-family: inherit; font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div align="LEFT" class="western" style="font-family: inherit; font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: small;">Being painfully aware of
the dangerous dating situations I'd gotten myself into, I made an
effort to show my androgynous/masculine (pick whichever word you like
better) side during the early relationship stages. It really didn't
help. Men see boobs and hips and a vagina, and they somehow manage to
not see what the person who has those things thinks and acts like
until they're smacked upside the head with it. And of course when
that finally happens, they have the same old hostile reaction as if
you'd been hiding it all along instead of dangling it in front of
their face the whole time. That's the two-sentence summary of my
failed marriage... I was 'out' to my husband when we were first
dating, but he didn't really see who I am/was (and subsequently
reject me for it) until after we were married.</span></div>
<div align="LEFT" class="western" style="font-family: inherit; font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div align="LEFT" class="western" style="font-family: inherit; font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: small;">Nowdays all of my
friends have been told about my identity. Most of them don't fully
understand it... which really isn't surprising; when your brain and
body have always matched each other, how can you possibly understand
what it feels like when they don't? A few think that “transgender”
isn't the correct term for me, taking a more restrictive definition
that only acknowledges MtF & FtM. I take what support I can get
and am grateful for it.</span></div>
<div align="LEFT" class="western" style="font-family: inherit; font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div align="LEFT" class="western" style="font-family: inherit; font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: small;">At work, I'm grateful
that current culture generally provides equal treatment for men and
women in my field. I have a strong dislike for women's dress
clothing, but grit my teeth and put it on each morning, painfully
aware that there's no such thing as gender-neutral dress clothing.
I'm on friendly terms with my female co-workers, but I don't feel a
connection to them... I know that I look like them on the surface,
but feel like an imposter playing a practiced role rather than a
genuine member of their kind. </span>
</div>
<div align="LEFT" class="western" style="font-family: inherit; font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div align="LEFT" class="western" style="font-family: inherit; font-weight: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: small;">I consider my sexual
organs to effectively be 'on probation': As long as they mind their
manners and don't cause trouble, they can stay where the currently
are; if they cause excessive difficulty, I can and will have them
removed. Hormone cycles and the associated mental and physical
discomforts have been creeping back into my life despite the
medication treatment over the course of the last year, which I'm
assuming is going to require another change to the treatment plan. I
don't yet know if this can be managed with medication or if surgical
intervention will be necessary.</span></div>
Sam Corbinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14943865028619775946noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5848344104603371165.post-53902642720077140162012-11-04T18:20:00.002-08:002013-04-27T14:48:51.253-07:00Further ClarificationThis one pretty much introduces itself. Written February '10.<br />
<br />
<hr />
<br />
<div>
Someone on the tgiMormons email list ran a survey to get an idea of
how broadly this group covers the trans spectrum. My responses were:<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
What was your apparent birth sex and how do you currently present?</div>
<div>
female and female</div>
<div>
<br />
<br />
<br />
What
is your transgender status? (i.e., fully transitioned, transitioning,
partially transitioned, planning to transition, no transition, etc) Why
did you choose that path?</div>
<div>
No plan transition at this
time... leaving it open as a future possibility. Transition is a very
confusing process for everyone; I don't feel that the benefit I would
get from it would justify the resulting headaches.</div>
<div>
<br />
<br />
<br />
What
is your past and current relationship with the Church of Jesus Christ
of Latter-Day Saints (e.g., are you a current member in good standing?
Do you consider yourself a former Mormon? etc.)</div>
<div>
Convert at
age 23 despite very non-LDS beliefs on gender related issues. On paper
I'm a wonderfully upstanding member; socially, I'm about as far out as
one can get and not be considered completely gone.</div>
<div>
<br />
<br />
<br />
If
you're still active at all, at what level do you participate? (e.g.,
do you just attend? Are you a home/visiting teacher? Do you hold a
calling? Are you endowed? Married in the temple? etc.)</div>
<div>
<br />
Visiting teacher, calling, endowed. </div>
<div>
<br />
<br />
<br />
If
you could, would you want to participate at a higher level (e.g., would
you like a calling? Hope to get endowed/married in temple some day?)</div>
<div>
<br />
Temple
marriage would be nice, but I'm not very optimistic on the odds of it
happening since I have no intention of becoming a stay-at-home mother.
To quote my aunt... "I need a WIFE!"<br />
I would like to take an active
role in getting the more open and accepting beliefs that church
leadership holds trickled down to the general membership.</div>
<div>
<br />
<br />
<br />
If you are not a current member in good standing, what keeps you away? Would you go back if you could?</div>
<div>
<br />
Too
much bigotry and belief that "our way is the RIGHT way". I value my
sanity too much to put up with that, which is why I prefer to spend my
time with non-members.</div>
<div>
<br />
<br />
<br />
(Recognizing that prophets
are mortal and fallible) Do you believe that God calls prophets? Do you
believe that they speak the truth? Do you believe that God's prophets
lead the Church?</div>
<div>
<br />
Yes, however it's spelled out in the
articles of faith that "He will yet reveal many great and important
things pertaining to the kingdom of God." Even our prophets haven't yet
received all the truth that there is to have.</div>
<div>
<br />
<br />
<br />
Do
you agree with the Church's teaching that "All human beings—male and
female—are created in the image of God. Each is a beloved spirit son or
daughter of heavenly parents, and, as such, each has a divine nature and
destiny. Gender is an essential characteristic of individual premortal,
mortal, and eternal identity and purpose"? In other words, do you
agree that we are all either male or female on a spiritual level
(regardless of whether our mortal bodies necessarily match or reflect
that gender identity)?</div>
<div>
<br />
I don't know. I know I don't fit
into the American definition of female, but that there are other
cultures that would either assign me a male role or provide a scope of
femaleness that would include me. God could see me as male OR female for
all I know... and I don't particularly care which. I'll deal with that
when I get to eternity, trusting that God will give me a role I can be
happy in. [And if he doesn't, I'll be on the far side of the terrestrial
kingdom with the rest of the "variant" people.]</div>
<div>
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
Do you consider yourself (spiritually/core) male or female (regardless of apparent birth sex)? Why?</div>
<div>
<br />
I
am me. I don't see gender as a primary characteristic of what I am, and
feel that the assigning of one gets in the way of other more important
things. See response to previous question for further elaboration.<br />
</div>
<div>
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
4/27/2013 edit: I suspect that LDS folks are going to get uptight upon seeing this statement, remind themselves/me that "gender is an essential characteristic of our spirits!", and then stop listening, justifying this by convincing themselves/yourself that I'm obviously contradicting gospel principles and must therefor be completely wrong. I'm not going to retract my statement in attempt to maintain an ongoing dialog, but I will attempt to re-word it in a less offensive manner... I understand that your gender is important to you, and think that is as it should be. I understand that such is the case for most of the human population. When it comes to my own gender identity (which I do have, although it's not as neatly defined as yours) there are so many cultural values that might or might not align with God's priorities muddying the waters that I don't think it's possible for us mere mortals to confidently identify what the presumed male/female binary designation of my spirit is. I'm ok with not knowing that in this lifetime. And if I, the person to whom that piece of information is most relevant, am willing to wait for that detail to be sorted out... who are you to demand an answer to that question now?</blockquote>
<br />
<br />
If you have transitioned, how closely did you follow the Harry Benjamin standards? How much did they help you?</div>
<div>
<br />
If
I do transition, it probably won't include hormones or surgery... not
sure that the Harry Benjamin standards are applicable to that case.</div>
<div>
<br />
<br />
<br />
If you haven't transitioned at all, what if anything do you do to cope?</div>
<div>
<br />
I
wear gender-neutral clothing whenever possible (jeans, T-shirts, etc).
Baggy sweatshirts are a favorite since nothing else comes close to
disguising my breast size. I frequent male-dominated activities and
distance myself from anyone who insists that I need to act feminine. </div>
<br />Sam Corbinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14943865028619775946noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5848344104603371165.post-89608095005298384122012-11-04T18:18:00.002-08:002012-11-13T21:54:06.677-08:00Coming Out (in a way)<span style="font-family: Times New Roman,Times,serif;">My first trans-related blog, written November '08.</span><br />
<br />
<hr />
<br />
<div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
[Yes, I use some interesting
terminology in this blog. No, I'm not swearing. These are the best
culturally defined words that I could find, courtesy of Wikipedia.]</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
I got reminded recently that I'm weird... beyond normal variability, beyond Asperger's. Weird
in a way that I've only described to a few people... but that others
pick up on, even if they can't precisely identify the difference. The
commentary ranges from “Quit trying to be a guy.” to strings of
profanity that essentially mean the same thing. </div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
I
have the wonderful fortune to have found myself in a queer status group
that most Americans have never heard of. Everyone knows a gay or a
lesbian. Most people have heard of trans-gendered persons, even if they
have no [known] personal acquaintances of that type. Other cultures
acknowledge the existence of gender-neutral persons, but not ours. We
live in a sea of people who don't think gender means anything more than
the presence or absence of a penis.</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
I
do not identify as male OR female. I acknowledge the presence of
physical sexual anatomy, but do not identify with this any more than a
trans-gendered person does. I live in a female role out of social
convenience, not because I enjoy or feel right doing so. If I could live
as a genderless person without offending/alienating virtually everyone I
know, I would do so. This is the reality that I live with, although I
try to avoid thinking about. </div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
In
high school and college, I watched two of my friends switch from male
to female life. One moved to another state to make the transition,
coming back as a completely different person to all but her closest
friends. The other never left the self-imposed isolation she felt was
necessary to protect herself from social rejection. It's a hellish
existence, even with support from friends and family... which is why I
decided years ago not to transition, to let others continue to assign me
the same arbitrary gender role.</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Of
course, nothing is ever that simple. My father introduced me to the
practice of genderfuck, and I adopted it as a continuous amusement for
years before I knew there was a term for the practice. I'm not sure if
there's ever a situation in which I'm not doing this to at least some
degree. I suppose I could put myself through the appropriate social
schooling and perfect the female illusion... but why? I have no desire
to kill myself (figuratively or literally) in order to ensure the
continuing comfort of people who don't value the full spectrum of
humanity. </div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Further
complicating the situation is my faith in a religion that does not
outwardly accept any degree of queerness. Believe me, if there was any
logic involved, I'd have been long gone before I even considered
joining. I do believe that the LDS church is divinely directed... and I
also know my own experience of myself. </div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Realistically, I have very little to fear. Legally, socially and ecclesiastically, I'm not <u>doing</u>
anything wrong; I'm just a little eccentric. Every now and then a
disillusioned boyfriend takes a burn-the-witch attitude and scares the
heck out of me, but so far there's been no physical harm.</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
I
used to live as androgynously as possible. I've eased up some in recent
years, but continue to blur the line between genders quite a bit. I'm
also realizing that my choices have consequences. I <u>can</u>
walk the line between female and gender-neutral, but there's an
inherent degree of social isolation that goes with doing so. Most people
separate “guy friends” from “girl friends”, with associated social
activities and expectations. Only in the situation where male and female
commingle without separate gender roles am I able to truly fit in.</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Despite
systematic neutrality, the future looks ominous... gender-neutral
friendships are not as easy to come by as we think. I'd like to have a
permanent romantic relationship [duration more than 6 months would be a
nice start!], but am reminded how gender-specific most people's
approaches to these are, especially within my church. Heck, even having
someone to talk to that understands the experience would be nice!</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Internet to the rescue? There is a community of gay/bi/trans Mormons (<a href="http://www.msplinks.com/MDFodHRwOi8vd3d3LmFmZmlybWF0aW9uLm9yZy8=">www.affirmation.org</a>).
There's also a Yahoo group for transgendered persons with Mormon
backgrounds. I've initiated contact with both, will see what happens. I
know there's a lot of LGBT people who have been hurt by unchristlike
interpretations of religious beliefs, so I don't know how much either of
these groups is in supporting an active member. What I'm hoping to
find:</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br />
- encouragement in staying active in the church while being more open about atypical gender identity<br />
- an understanding ear regarding the isolation of being queer in a conservative religion<br />
-
polite requests to church leaders for clear and consistent guidelines,
and enough transparency in disciplinary procedures to be confident that judgements are based on official policy and not personal bias<br />- striving to combat member ignorance of the issues involved, without labelling as enemies<br /><br />We'll
see if that happens or not. I hate being in charge of organizational
processes, but I may try to start another group if I can't find what I'm
looking for in an existing system</div>
Sam Corbinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14943865028619775946noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5848344104603371165.post-64999249130426616892012-11-04T18:15:00.001-08:002012-11-25T08:31:40.437-08:00Outside a Small Circle of Friends<div style="font-family: inherit;">
<span style="font-size: small;">Written January '09, this one isn't trans related either... but it does have a dark parallel for all of us who have been the target of prejudice, regardless of the reason.</span></div>
<div style="font-family: inherit;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></div>
<hr style="font-family: inherit;" />
<div style="font-family: inherit;">
<span style="font-size: small;"></span></div>
<div style="font-family: inherit;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="font-family: inherit;">
<span style="font-size: small;">One of Wikipedia's featured articles yesterday was on
Phil Ochs' song Outside a Small Circle of Friends. A web search for the
lyrics gave more history on the event that triggered the song's creation
and a sort of epilogue... both shocking but also unsurprising.</span></div>
<blockquote class="tr_bq" style="font-family: inherit;">
<div>
<span style="font-size: small;">On
March 13, 1964, a 28 year old New York City woman gained world-wide
recognition for her role in an event which even today is remembered by
people everywhere, creating a legacy still held up as an example of
American values, or lack thereof. There can be no doubt, however, that
Kitty Genovese would have given all her worldly possessions to have
avoided the global "fame" acquired on that Friday the 13th that gave to
her the ultimate horror associated with this symbol of bad luck.</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-size: small;">Even
though 47,000 New York City residents have been murdered since, hers
remains the most tragic because 38 "citizens" awakened by her cries for
help watched as she was assaulted not once, but three times over a
half hour period. Not only did they fail to come to her aid, they also
failed to call the police for help. Vincent Mosely, her assailant,
stabbed her several times, then left, only to return a few minutes
later to cut her up a little more.</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-size: small;">During
his brief absence, these "decent" New Yorkers turned off their lights
and went back to sleep, only to be awakened again by this second
assault, a scene repeated a third time, after which she no longer
needed the assistance she failed to get the first, second or even the
third, and final time.</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-size: small;">During
Mosely's trial, witnesses made several statements, but one stands
above the rest as a symbol of this tragic event and is the reason for
its world-wide infamy: "We didn't want to get involved." No surprise to
Mosely, for as he said: "I knew they wouldn't do anything - they never
do."</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-size: small;">Hundreds,
if not thousands, of studies were done about this event and book after
book after book announced the downfall of American values because of
it.</span></div>
<span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-weight: bold;">One
study concluded that on average, if more than 4 people witness an
event, nobody will do anything. Each person will say to themselves "I
don't have to get involved since there are other people here who can
help."</span>[emphasis added]</span></blockquote>
<div style="font-family: inherit;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: small;">People
are willing to stand by and WATCH A MURDER HAPPEN?!? Horrifying, but
not that different from what I've witnessed in my own life... A crowd
gathers around a schoolyard beating, but nobody fetches a teacher to
protect the victim. Fill in an example from your own life; I'm sure
everyone has a few of their own.</span></div>
<div style="font-family: inherit;">
<span style="font-size: small;">What made
this story hit home especially hard for me is a situation that happened
on Sunday that I have been unable to understand or explain since. I had a
meltdown (emotional collapse, lots of crying and despair) in the middle
of a church service, which was not questioned or commented on by
virtually everyone present in the room at the time and walking through
the hallways afterwards. The only exception was a tentative query from
someone who has an assigned responsibility to check on me. I try very
hard to be quiet and non-disruptive when these things happen, but I find
it difficult to believe that I mask THAT well... Why does nobody seem
to care? This is a scenario that I've encountered numerous times in
various settings, and always find myself asking the same question.</span></div>
<div style="font-family: inherit;">
<span style="font-size: small;">Now
I know why/how it is that completely falling apart in front of a
roomful of people fails to catch any concern for one's well-being. The
social understanding that "I don't have to get involved since there are
other people that can help" makes the chances of actually getting help
inversely proportional to the number of people aware that help is
needed. </span></div>
<div style="font-family: inherit;">
<span style="font-size: small;">Lesson learned: If you need
help, reveal that need to the smallest number of people possible...
because it won't be coming from anywhere outside a small circle of
friends.</span></div>
Sam Corbinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14943865028619775946noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5848344104603371165.post-38941814558030033132012-11-04T18:09:00.001-08:002012-11-04T21:05:14.837-08:00Sam's Articles of Faith<div class="MsoNormal">
This one was originally written in May '08. Not really trans related, but does sum up my relationship with the LDS church somewhat.<br />
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And the horizontal line separating this text from the body of the blog is my first real use of HTML!</div>
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There's been a lot of questions lately on what my
religious beliefs are, and stating the obvious that my beliefs and those
of my church don't mesh all that well. In order to clear up the
confusion (or at least create some entertaining discussion), I've
created my own Articles of Faith.<br />
<br />
[For those of you who aren't
Mormon, this is a parody of Joseph Smith's letter to a newspaper editor
outlining church beliefs, which is published with many other official
church statements in the book commonly known as the Book of Mormon.
http://scriptures.lds.org/a_of_f/1/1-131]<br />
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I believe
that God and Jesus are real entities that I currently have limited
communication with, and will someday be able to converse with directly.<br />
<br />
I believe that individuals will be held accountable for both their own
"sins", and similar actions that they force others to commit. Someone
who makes the best they can of a bad situation is only liable for the
degree to which they caused more harm than necessary.<br />
<br />
I believe
that all good people are eligible for heavenly glory. Spouting of
Christian rhetoric is not a requirement, and frequently runs contrary to
the nature of goodness.<br />
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I believe that the Holy Ghost, also
known as "intuition" and "conscience", is available to and for the
benefit of all humanity. No priesthood authority is necessary to make
use of it, only a desire and commitment to do what is right.<br />
<br />
I
believe that church authorities are called by God and are divinely
inspired. However, they are not all-knowing, and can be assisted to
better fulfill their duties through education and correction of
misunderstandings. <br />
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I believe that social structures change
over time, and religion must adapt to these changes. Men do not own
their wives and children, and should be prepared to earn the respect of
their families rather than authoritatively demanding it. Women can
contribute to the good of the world in many ways, and should be
encouraged to focus on the best use of their individual skills and
talents rather than being arbitrarily confined to traditional roles.<br />
<br />
I believe that through the power of the Priesthood, everyone has access
to blessings of comfort and healing. These blessings do not replace
medicine and the assistance of others, but combine with these other
resources for maximum benefit.<br />
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I believe the only portions of
the Bible which qualify as the word of God are those that were written
by authorized prophets and have been translated accurately to modern
language. Since it is unclear what, if any, sections meet this criteria,
it is both reasonable and responsible to view the Bible as having very
limited authority. Same principle applies to other religious texts as
well.</div>
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I believe that God has revealed and will
continue to reveal further direction as humanity becomes ready to
accept additional information and direction. Readiness is determined by
some method of averaging, not by the status of either the most or least
prepared.</div>
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I believe that in the
afterlife, one's place will be determined by personal preferences, not
by arbitrary external labeling. Liberal people will continue to have the
opportunity to debate with each other regardless of individual views,
and conservatives will be isolated from such. Families will be separated
or rejoined as a reflection of the relationships that formed, or failed
to form, during mortality. </div>
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I
believe that everyone has the right to honor/worship whatever
deity/deities they believe in, including none at all. Belief in the
divine, or lack thereof, does not guarantee that one will find
fulfillment in life.</div>
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I believe that
law is necessary for the maintaining of order, but that laws are only
as just as the logic that produced them. Citizens have a duty to contest
questionable laws and rulings in order to protect the rights of all
humanity.</div>
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<br />
I hope for a future better than
anything I have known in the past, will continue to endure the pain that
results from being who I am, and hope that somehow who I am will bring
to pass that future I dream of. I treasure my friendships with people of
differing beliefs and pray that their goodness will never be destroyed
in the name of "righteousness".</div>
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And if I do get sent to Hell for believing as I do, at least I'll be in good company!<br />
(although I'm pretty safe, considering that life as we know it is the closest thing that Mormons believe in)</div>
Sam Corbinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14943865028619775946noreply@blogger.com0