Outside a Small Circle of Friends

Written January '09, this one isn't trans related either... but it does have a dark parallel for all of us who have been the target of prejudice, regardless of the reason.

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One of Wikipedia's featured articles yesterday was on Phil Ochs' song Outside a Small Circle of Friends. A web search for the lyrics gave more history on the event that triggered the song's creation and a sort of epilogue... both shocking but also unsurprising.

On March 13, 1964, a 28 year old New York City woman gained world-wide recognition for her role in an event which even today is remembered by people everywhere, creating a legacy still held up as an example of American values, or lack thereof. There can be no doubt, however, that Kitty Genovese would have given all her worldly possessions to have avoided the global "fame" acquired on that Friday the 13th that gave to her the ultimate horror associated with this symbol of bad luck.

Even though 47,000 New York City residents have been murdered since, hers remains the most tragic because 38 "citizens" awakened by her cries for help watched as she was assaulted not once, but three times over a half hour period. Not only did they fail to come to her aid, they also failed to call the police for help. Vincent Mosely, her assailant, stabbed her several times, then left, only to return a few minutes later to cut her up a little more.

During his brief absence, these "decent" New Yorkers turned off their lights and went back to sleep, only to be awakened again by this second assault, a scene repeated a third time, after which she no longer needed the assistance she failed to get the first, second or even the third, and final time.

During Mosely's trial, witnesses made several statements, but one stands above the rest as a symbol of this tragic event and is the reason for its world-wide infamy: "We didn't want to get involved." No surprise to Mosely, for as he said: "I knew they wouldn't do anything - they never do."

Hundreds, if not thousands, of studies were done about this event and book after book after book announced the downfall of American values because of it.

One study concluded that on average, if more than 4 people witness an event, nobody will do anything. Each person will say to themselves "I don't have to get involved since there are other people here who can help."[emphasis added]

People are willing to stand by and WATCH A MURDER HAPPEN?!? Horrifying, but not that different from what I've witnessed in my own life... A crowd gathers around a schoolyard beating, but nobody fetches a teacher to protect the victim. Fill in an example from your own life; I'm sure everyone has a few of their own.

What made this story hit home especially hard for me is a situation that happened on Sunday that I have been unable to understand or explain since. I had a meltdown (emotional collapse, lots of crying and despair) in the middle of a church service, which was not questioned or commented on by virtually everyone present in the room at the time and walking through the hallways afterwards. The only exception was a tentative query from someone who has an assigned responsibility to check on me. I try very hard to be quiet and non-disruptive when these things happen, but I find it difficult to believe that I mask THAT well... Why does nobody seem to care? This is a scenario that I've encountered numerous times in various settings, and always find myself asking the same question.

Now I know why/how it is that completely falling apart in front of a roomful of people fails to catch any concern for one's well-being. The social understanding that "I don't have to get involved since there are other people that can help" makes the chances of actually getting help inversely proportional to the number of people aware that help is needed.

Lesson learned: If you need help, reveal that need to the smallest number of people possible... because it won't be coming from anywhere outside a small circle of friends.